Venting Feelings of guilt after she left

[sadpinky]

It's been a month and 3 days since I found my partner/wife's body shortly after she CTB. Lingering thoughts still remain with the one haunting me the most being, did she want me to join her? We had discussed it in the past but It had been a while back before she CTB since we last talked about it.
I don't want to be here without her anymore.

hopefully my depression doesn't overtake me and I can continue to document everything here in case anything happens.

 

[noname223]

I can understand your feelings. But if you don't want to go it is better to stay. I find it weird if my partner would want me to ctb if I am not prepared. You sound ambivalent and not really convinced to die. But that's only my impression.

 

[whitefeather]

It's been a month and 3 days since I found my partner/wife's body shortly after she CTB. Lingering thoughts still remain with the one haunting me the most being, did she want me to join her? We had discussed it in the past but It had been a while back before she CTB since we last talked about it.
I don't want to be here without her anymore.

hopefully my depression doesn't overtake me and I can continue to document everything here in case anything happens.

"I don't want to be here without her anymore."
Rare and special couples have always ctb the same year or so / "together" !
And "survivors guilt " is also a thing.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really hard to deal with, I cannot imagine how much pain you must be in. I wish you well.

 

[Ame]

Your loss is still very fresh, so I hope that you won't hastily jump into anything that you cannot take back. Having only been a little more than a month, I don't even know if the dust has had the chance to settle. I'm so very sorry that you were the one to find her, I cannot even imagine how traumatic of an experience that must have been for you. If you find that talking about it helps at all, I hope that you know that you are more than welcome to share it here...but I also think that you would benefit from a grief counsellor. I do understand if you are reluctant to do so because of your own suicidal ideation (which isn't too uncommon among the recently bereaved), but it could be to your benefit to have someone help you process this pain.

Rare and special couples have always ctb the same year or so / "together" !

This is an incredibly dangerous claim to make, especially on a forum where so many of its members are so vulnerable. While it is true that the risk of attempting and dying by suicide increases for the bereaved in the months following the suicide of a close loved one (child/parent/partner), very few actually go on to "chase" after the person they've lost. Whether or not a mourning person commits suicide within a set time frame says nothing about the quality of the bond that they shared with the person who died or how deeply they love them.

 

[sadpinky]

I still feel as though I should go through with it, there are so many minute details I wish I could share but for now the feeling remains. Any advice?

 

[Bullit]

Yeah,you need time. Take time to figure things out. Good luck, I know how ya feel. Its terrible.

 

[Lost Magic]

I still feel as though I should go through with it, there are so many minute details I wish I could share but for now the feeling remains. Any advice?

I have been through that painful, awful grief. Yeah, you definitely need to give yourself some time to let the rawness of her passing dissipate a little. Wanting to be with a loved one shortly after death is a natural phase of the grieving process. All I can say is, I know how that feels. You are not alone with those feelings. I am sure your wife will understand everything. May her beautiful soul rest in peace.