Venting Feeling very sad for someone.

[Sir_nihilist]

I am the happiest person alive since I read about sn. But I really am feeling bad about leaving my mom alone.

I have always wanted to die since I was a little kid. I wouldn't have left if I wouldn't have tried everything to like life.

I tried for a decade just for my mom. I don't want to live for her like a dead man I have lived. I don't know what to say.
Since I ordered SN, I am thinking of her finding my body which is horrible.

 

[sadworld]

It's hard to leave people that you love... i don't want to know how my parents and other people react when they find out...

 

[DyingAlf]

Hey @Sir_nihilist
Is it possible for you to ctb elsewhere? Somewhere that it won't be your Mom that finds you?

 

[Sir_nihilist]

Hey @Sir_nihilist
Is it possible for you to ctb elsewhere? Somewhere that it won't be your Mom that finds you?

SN takes time to kill someone. That's why I don't wanna risk doing it anywhere other than my room.

But I will send a mail long after Il be dead to my brother, so that he is the one finding my body and not my mom.

It's hard to leave people that you love... i don't want to know how my parents and other people react when they find out...

Yes, I feel bad for both.
1) people who have to see their loved ones leave.
2) people who have to live just for the sake of their loved once.

Both scenarios are painful, but I think forcefully living for someone is worse.

 

[_Minsk]

does she know that youre dealing with depression etc.?

 

[Sir_nihilist]

does she know that youre dealing with depression etc.?

I am not depressed,
even during my happiest moments if you would have asked me if I would choose death over life.

I would say yes.

 

[MariV]

i dont know if youve read my thread, titled "my poor mother". its almost a copy of yours.im in the exact same situation, wondering what to do. ive told her i want to ctb.she even knows where my SN is.
she says she respects my decision but oh dear what a lie that is.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I am not depressed,
even during my happiest moments if you would have asked me if I would choose death over life.

I would say yes.

If you are nihilist then you know how pointless life is. Congratulations.

 

[Sir_nihilist]

i dont know if youve read my thread, titled "my poor mother". its almost a copy of yours.im in the exact same situation, wondering what to do. ive told her i want to ctb.she even knows where my SN is.
she says she respects my decision but oh dear what a lie that is.

It's just heart breaking.

If you are nihilist then you know how pointless life is. Congratulations.

I wish life wasn't meaningless, I tired reading different religions.
All religions I found are unscientific, I tried finding meaning reading entire human history found none.
There is just chaos and natural selection. Which indicates randomness of events.

 

[MariV]

It's just heart breaking.

it really is...to the point ive wished many times that she dies even if i love her. so she doesnt have to live my death. ive also wantes to die even of not depressed. its that feeling of pointlessness and not belonging.

now ive been depressed for a month, first time in my life. and now i finally understand the thing. my heart goes to the people who has suffered this for years

 

[cyberlordsumit]

It's just heart breaking.

I wish life wasn't meaningless, I tired reading different religions.
All religions I found are unscientific, I tried finding meaning reading entire human history found none.
There is just chaos and natural selection. Which indicates randomness of events.

You sound just like me.

 

[mobe1]

I'm also worried about leaving behind people... lately I've been trying to make everyone hate me so they will miss me less.

 

[cyberlordsumit]

I'm also worried about leaving behind people... lately I've been trying to make everyone hate me so they will miss me less.

I tried the same. i feel ya buddy.
idk, i just read this article, we are not a death cult here so if someone feels a light of hope after reading this, have at it.

10 Suicide Stories With An Incredible Happy Ending | The Friendship Bench

thefriendshipbench.org