H
HereUntilApril
Member
- Jan 26, 2025
- 45
I don't even want to get up anymore. It feels like mentally everything is falling apart and I just can't do it anymore. It's getting to the point where I'm not even enjoying my job anymore because I feel like I'm fucking that up too. I'm tired of the social expectations and the pressures of life itself and I'm just sick of it. I'm tired of being in pain both physically and mentally everyday. I'm definitely taking my own life this summer because I don't give a shit anymore. I already wanted to be dead by April but the fear and the guilt pushed me away. Now, I couldn't care any less about anything anymore because I know that if I were to continue, it's only going to get worse for me. I hate having to pretend that everything is fine and that there's nothing wrong but I know that if I were to admit my true feelings that I would be forced into therapy. I don't want help, I just want to be dead. I just hope that this new plan that I got is going to work as I just want it to be all over soon. I don't care if it's selfish or cowardice anymore because if life doesn't have any meaning to me anymore, then the words being said to me don't have any meaning to me either.