Feeling very confused tonight

[DuplicateFeline]

My boyfriend wants to buy me a new a tattoo. I'm not talking about something small, he wants to buy me an entire sleeve, which will cost several thousand dollars. I have found that there are three opinions about this:

1) Take what I can get. He has $30,000 in his checking account, and several hundred in both his savings and retirement fund. This is flawed because I intend to catch the bus in less than two months and even getting a consultation could take that long or longer. Is the tattoo sleeve I've always wanted worth living for? Because I have a date set, and I will not be around to have it finished

2) Someone told me that I should be almost insulted at the idea. I don't have a job, a car, or any significant income. How come he couldn't spend that on keeping me alive? I need groceries! I need to live in somewhere that isn't falling apart at the seams! The place I live in right now has a crazy infestation of gnats, the gutters have fallen off, I spent 10 days in the hospital because my body couldn't tolerate not having a freezer or a stove... But somehow the tattoo sleeve is what he chooses to spend money on??

3) The tattoo should be a reason to stay alive. It is something that I have wanted for years, and the boyfriend is more than happy to provide enough money to make it a reality. So I should take it as a sign that I should keep on going

What are your thoughts? Do you all think that I should stay alive to see the whole tattoo complete, even though it will take so many months and so much money that my boyfriend is happy to provide? Should I refuse because I could use that money to escape my crappy living situation? Should I refuse because I don't intend to live past when we'd have to wait to even get a consultation?

EDIT: I think it might be important to add that we have been dating for 10 years. We aren't married and living together for a multitude of reasons, but it isn't as if my boyfriend of six months is offering this

 

[msesis]

You can't decide how he spends his money, so you can't really get upset he's not helping your living situation but with a tattoo instead. The only thing you can do is refuse the tattoo if you don't agree on him spending money on you like that. It's a dangerous road to expect him to fix your living situation for you.

Of course if he offers, that's a different story. Anyways, CTB is always there. If you decide to get the tattoo, you can always choose to CTB after. It's up to you if you're willing to live that long. But I think if you have doubts, it's better to wait.

 

[dinosavr]

To me it's worth a try! Maybe it will be the spark that stays with you for a little longer and help you see more of the good things.
Maybe you can just postpone your plan? Would you be fine with it? Even if you decide to catch the bus right away, to me, your last experience is worth much more than these couple of thousand bucks.

 

[DuplicateFeline]

You can't decide how he spends his money, so you can't really get upset he's not helping your living situation but with a tattoo instead. The only thing you can do is refuse the tattoo if you don't agree on him spending money on you like that. It's a dangerous road to expect him to fix your living situation for you.

Of course if he offers, that's a different story. Anyways, CTB is always there. If you decide to get the tattoo, you can always choose to CTB after. It's up to you if you're willing to live that long. But I think if you have doubts, it's better to wait.

You are absolutely right! I can't control how he spends his money, and honestly, I haven't communicated that I need more help paying for the necessities. He gives me $400/month to spend on "whatever I want", but I don't think that he understands that most of it goes to my grocery bills and to my various animals. I think it would be helpful for us to sit down and actually discuss my finances. He's a really good guy and would be very open to helping me with my living situation if I just told him that I needed it

To me it's worth a try! Maybe it will be the spark that stays with you for a little longer and help you see more of the good things.
Maybe you can just postpone your plan? Would you be fine with it? Even if you decide to catch the bus right away, to me, your last experience is worth much more than these couple of thousand bucks.

It may actually be worth sticking around, but I've already postponed my plan for a couple of months and that frustrates me. I want the tattoo very, very badly since I've been thinking about it for so long and would never be able to afford it without his help, but he says it would have to be divided into parts. Linework for my birthday (August 9th) and color for Christmas. I will be around for my birthday, so I could get the linework done, but I won't be around for Christmas if all goes well, and I don't want to CTB with a half-finished tattoo. So it's kind of black-and-white to me because I either want a finished tattoo or no tattoo at all

 

[whywere]

I am only trying to help and/or give ideas, so please do NOT give me crap, if not wanted or warranted, just ignore me, thank you!

2) For me and EVERYONE has their own ideas/opinions on this, but having had 2 attempts, ctb is truly one and done, no do overs, no second thoughts, nothing.

If it is something that you have always wanted, then go over it and do not let the other aspects interfere. Ctb is NOT going anywhere

At 68, I can really say that in the past I wish I would have taken the opportunity when it was availed to, me. Like one time, a VERY beautiful lady wanted to go out with me, and I had cold feet, this was back in the 1970's and never paid her any attention and she moved on, and to this day I still really regret it. Oh, and also her dad was a multi-millionaire and I have always felt that that was one of the reasons for my cold feet as I did not want her spending money on me. Darn I still miss her in 2024.

A tattoo is what you have wanted, you have a very kind. loving and caring partner that can make that dream come true and I say go for it.

If it alters the ctb, well guess what the aspect of ctb is NOT going anywhere and believe me, a wonderous sunset hand in hand with a new tattoo from a loved one is true bliss at its finest.

Enjoy, a new tattoo, a loving embrace from your partner, and enjoy a wonderful sunset or sunrise hand in hand.

Lots of hugs, kind thoughts and the knowledge that you are a caring soul, your partner sees this all the time.

Take great care of yourself my good friend.

Walter

 

[msesis]

You are absolutely right! I can't control how he spends his money, and honestly, I haven't communicated that I need more help paying for the necessities. He gives me $400/month to spend on "whatever I want", but I don't think that he understands that most of it goes to my grocery bills and to my various animals. I think it would be helpful for us to sit down and actually discuss my finances. He's a really good guy and would be very open to helping me with my living situation if I just told him that I needed it

It may actually be worth sticking around, but I've already postponed my plan for a couple of months and that frustrates me. I want the tattoo very, very badly since I've been thinking about it for so long and would never be able to afford it without his help, but he says it would have to be divided into parts. Linework for my birthday (August 9th) and color for Christmas. I will be around for my birthday, so I could get the linework done, but I won't be around for Christmas if all goes well, and I don't want to CTB with a half-finished tattoo. So it's kind of black-and-white to me because I either want a finished tattoo or no tattoo at all

Honestly, it sounds to me like you'd rather see the tattoo finished. You said it yourself - "you want the tattoo very very badly". Allow yourself to enjoy it without feeling guilty! Totally get your frustration about CTB plans, but again, you can always CTB after you get the tattoo, but you can't get the tattoo after you CTB.

 

[whywere]

Honestly, it sounds to me like you'd rather see the tattoo finished. You said it yourself - "you want the tattoo very very badly". Allow yourself to enjoy it without feeling guilty! Totally get your frustration about CTB plans, but again, you can always CTB after you get the tattoo, but you can't get the tattoo after you CTB.

100% agree with you.

You are a very smart and caring soul.

Walter

 

[DuplicateFeline]

I am only trying to help and/or give ideas, so please do NOT give me crap, if not wanted or warranted, just ignore me, thank you!

2) For me and EVERYONE has their own ideas/opinions on this, but having had 2 attempts, ctb is truly one and done, no do overs, no second thoughts, nothing.

If it is something that you have always wanted, then go over it and do not let the other aspects interfere. Ctb is NOT going anywhere

At 68, I can really say that in the past I wish I would have taken the opportunity when it was availed to, me. Like one time, a VERY beautiful lady wanted to go out with me, and I had cold feet, this was back in the 1970's and never paid her any attention and she moved on, and to this day I still really regret it. Oh, and also her dad was a multi-millionaire and I have always felt that that was one of the reasons for my cold feet as I did not want her spending money on me. Darn I still miss her in 2024.

A tattoo is what you have wanted, you have a very kind. loving and caring partner that can make that dream come true and I say go for it.

If it alters the ctb, well guess what the aspect of ctb is NOT going anywhere and believe me, a wonderous sunset hand in hand with a new tattoo from a loved one is true bliss at its finest.

Enjoy, a new tattoo, a loving embrace from your partner, and enjoy a wonderful sunset or sunrise hand in hand.

Lots of hugs, kind thoughts and the knowledge that you are a caring soul, your partner sees this all the time.

Take great care of yourself my good friend.

Walter

I will start by saying that I would never give anyone crap for replying to a post I made here. I actually love hearing your thoughts, especially because you are older than I am. I'm only 28, so I really value your input.

The big thing is that I've wanted to CTB since almost before I can remember. My first thought about it was when I was eight years old. So I have wanted to end it since I was very little. My desire to CTB has persisted for nearly two decades, while I got my first tattoo in 2016, and the sleeve I want has been in the back of mind for maybe three years. I know that my boyfriend loves me very much, but I'm starting to get frustrated and restless. I have several health conditions that will never get any better and I just want it to be OVER. It doesn't matter how much money my boyfriend throws at them, I still have to take a crazy amount of pills for a 28 year old just to function and a tattoo is not going to fix that, Would a big, beautiful tattoo would be nice? Absolutely. Would it fix anything? No. That's part of why I'm hesitant to accept his offer. It's a bandaid, not a solution

Honestly, it sounds to me like you'd rather see the tattoo finished. You said it yourself - "you want the tattoo very very badly". Allow yourself to enjoy it without feeling guilty! Totally get your frustration about CTB plans, but again, you can always CTB after you get the tattoo, but you can't get the tattoo after you CTB.

The thing is that I DO want the tattoo badly, but only if I decide to live, which is something that I really do not want to do. I was supposed to CTB on July 5th and now I'm just getting restless. Though the general opinion is that I should at least wait it out until the tattoo is done. This year will be the 21st anniversary of my first thought about catching the bus, so what's a couple more months, I guess. I do wish I could do SOMETHING in the meantime, though. I used to SH when I was in high school to temper the urges to end it but I can't do that as a 28 year old. I don't heal as quickly as I used to and my boyfriend would pick up on the signs very quickly, and then I'd get in trouble

 

[sugarb]

I

My boyfriend wants to buy me a new a tattoo. I'm not talking about something small, he wants to buy me an entire sleeve, which will cost several thousand dollars. I have found that there are three opinions about this:

1) Take what I can get. He has $30,000 in his checking account, and several hundred in both his savings and retirement fund. This is flawed because I intend to catch the bus in less than two months and even getting a consultation could take that long or longer. Is the tattoo sleeve I've always wanted worth living for? Because I have a date set, and I will not be around to have it finished

2) Someone told me that I should be almost insulted at the idea. I don't have a job, a car, or any significant income. How come he couldn't spend that on keeping me alive? I need groceries! I need to live in somewhere that isn't falling apart at the seams! The place I live in right now has a crazy infestation of gnats, the gutters have fallen off, I spent 10 days in the hospital because my body couldn't tolerate not having a freezer or a stove... But somehow the tattoo sleeve is what he chooses to spend money on??

3) The tattoo should be a reason to stay alive. It is something that I have wanted for years, and the boyfriend is more than happy to provide enough money to make it a reality. So I should take it as a sign that I should keep on going

What are your thoughts? Do you all think that I should stay alive to see the whole tattoo complete, even though it will take so many months and so much money that my boyfriend is happy to provide? Should I refuse because I could use that money to escape my crappy living situation? Should I refuse because I don't intend to live past when we'd have to wait to even get a consultation?

EDIT: I think it might be important to add that we have been dating for 10 years. We aren't married and living together for a multitude of reasons, but it isn't as if my boyfriend of six months is offering this

No harm in waiting to CTB for a bit (unless you have some unorthodox circumstances). I'd say go through with it if it makes you happy. If push comes to shove, you can still CTB-with a cool tattoo and fewer regrets, to boot

As for the tattoo vs living expenses- kind of depends on one's gift-giving philosophy, I guess.

 

[whywere]

I will start by saying that I would never give anyone crap for replying to a post I made here. I actually love hearing your thoughts, especially because you are older than I am. I'm only 28, so I really value your input.

The big thing is that I've wanted to CTB since almost before I can remember. My first thought about it was when I was eight years old. So I have wanted to end it since I was very little. My desire to CTB has persisted for nearly two decades, while I got my first tattoo in 2016, and the sleeve I want has been in the back of mind for maybe three years. I know that my boyfriend loves me very much, but I'm starting to get frustrated and restless. I have several health conditions that will never get any better and I just want it to be OVER. It doesn't matter how much money my boyfriend throws at them, I still have to take a crazy amount of pills for a 28 year old just to function and a tattoo is not going to fix that, Would a big, beautiful tattoo would be nice? Absolutely. Would it fix anything? No. That's part of why I'm hesitant to accept his offer. It's a bandaid, not a solution

As far as pills goes, we are twins, as I was in a very nasty car crash and I take 15 each and every day and it stinks, but life is always in flux.

I can truly understand the band aide aspect, however, no matter what one's path is going to be, a sidestep and enjoy the moment can be a simple pleasure and it still does not have to cancel future plans.

I, like so many others, have had a rough go of life from getting kicked out by my "parents" at 18 with no money nor food or anything and I started out homeless and very hungry. They wanted just 2 kids, 1 boy and 1 girl and I have a older brother and a younger sister. I was NEVER wanted as since I was the 2nd child, I was supposed to be a female and NOT a male child and they would have given me up for adoption, but this was 1956 and that was taboo then.

I have also had 2 attempts, 72 hour holds and a court fight where the state wanted me locked up long term, I won that aspect, thank you GOD for that!

With that said, I love everyone and want the very best for all the folks here and I wish you the very best as to which ever decision(s) you make.

You are family to/for me as I have no family nor friends.

Lots of hugs and a beautiful blue sky to you, you are just so precious.

Walter