Venting Feeling unwanted

[UninformedLover]

Was playing basketball yesterday (not by choice) and neither team captain wanted me on their team. They were literally arguing about who had to take me. One of them even straight up said they did not want me on their team. I heard him say it and he said "Oh not like that." But if not "like that" what could he has possibly meant otherwise? I told the person who organized the game that I didn't want to play if nobody wanted me on their team and she told me that they were just picking teams and she didn't hear what I heard but I heard the entire thing and I'm not a dummy. I know when I'm unwanted. I was so upset I couldn't even articulate my words to explain everything so I just said to forget it.

Butttt Luckily for me I started crying (I'm very sensitive) and was able to not play but its just so fucking embarrassing. I can't stop thinking about it. I just feel sick to my stomach and I have to see these people again and again (no choice) after such an embarrassing day.

And when we inevitably have to play on teams again and nobody wants me on their team what the hell am I supposed to do then? If I could quit, I would but I can not so I have to bare this until the end I guess. It just makes me so sad. I'm never picked for anything and I'm always so unwanted in every aspect of my life. I dont get it. Im not a mean person. I dont do anything. Im actually just really shy and anxious all the time and yet people just treat me so awful. I dont get it. It has to be me but I dont understand what I do for people to dislike me. I dont talk to anyone ever (unless absolutely necessary) and I treat everyone with kindness and yet its always something. If im that awful I wish someone would just tell me.

It just feels like I don't belong anywhere. I feel so alone and hated.

The good thing about what happened yesterday is that it gives me more reason to kill myself and more motivation to do it sooner.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry. I used to have this experience at school too. I wasn't all that fit though. That's partly why. Do you enjoy the sport itself?

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

I'm sorry you were treated like this. Feeling unwanted is the worst experience. I'm also trapped in this feeling. My username proves that I'm not lying. Is there a way to get out of the situation that is not your choice? It sounds like they are bullying you.

 

[katara]

This reminded me of middle school, ppl never wanted me around. Sadly things didn't change as I got older. You always think they will and then they don't and u wonder what u did wrong. It's ok though, don't take it personally

 

[UninformedLover]

I'm so sorry. I used to have this experience at school too. I wasn't all that fit though. That's partly why. Do you enjoy the sport itself?

Thank you :) -- Not particularly but I was really excited to try and learn how to play basketball but not anymore.

I'm sorry you were treated like this. Feeling unwanted is the worst experience. I'm also trapped in this feeling. My username proves that I'm not lying. Is there a way to get out of the situation that is not your choice? It sounds like they are bullying you.

Thank you for your kind words. I think if it happens again I will try and talk to our coach one more time and properly stand up for myself but its just wishful thinking. I'm really shy so it'll be hard for me.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

Hey, so as someone who lived through this all my school career and honestly also most of my work life I can safely tell you something:
It's not your fault. A lot of people are really insecure and shitty about people not playing their game of appearences. It deeply sucks, it is awful, but it is just how a lot of humans are.

Especially in sports for some reason. I distinctly remember people just cranking up the mean bullshit metre anytime it came to playing team ballsports. From team captains and members openly being dissapointed that they "had to put up with" me to open harrasment by both teams directed towards me. It sucked and more than once I broke down and couldn't participate anymore.

Maybe the solution might be to talk to your coach. Maybe, if you're able to, you could try out another place to play. Or maybe basketball might not be for you. Whatever the solution is, you're no worse than anyone else for being unwanted on the court