Venting Feeling unloved at home

[ThatStateOfMind]

Right now, I'm mostly reliant on my mom for necessities (food, shelter, water) but I don't feel like I can ever rely on her emotionally. She blew up at me because I asked why the dog was left out last night.

I came home last night around 10, everyone was asleep, I let the dog in because they left him outside. They left him outside again this morning. I asked her why, not even mean or anything, just from a place of concern for the dog and she blew up at me, asking why I'm "on her ass" about everything, even though that's the only thing I asked.

I also try to tell her about how I feel bad about my shortcomings, she doesn't care, I tell her about my successes, she doesn't care. I have no support system besides my aunt, since my ex left. All my mom really cares about is TV and sleep, I don't feel loved. I left one day for hours, she didn't even notice I was gone. That's saying a lot since she has Life360, an app that tells her when I leave the house.

She always wants to pick arguments with me, so I'm hoping after college, I want to move to a place 2 hours away, I'll have to deal with her less. I don't want to go no-contact, because she's still my mom and can be alright sometimes. It's just hard not to feel loved by your own parents, my dad abanoned me, she doesn't really care.

I legit told her I was suicidal and you know what she told me? Instead of offering support, she told me to at least leave a note. WTF! I don't know, my family is all dysfunctional and I just want to move, and pave my own path in life. College, and this computer science degree in pursuing will be pivotal in that so I need to finish this degree, and do good for myself.

I've learned that I can't rely on anyone for support. Hell, my ex emotionally supports me more than my mom, that's sad. I'm gonna move sometime though, only 4 or so more years, and if it's intolerable before then, I will take larger student loans and move into a dorm.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm so sorry how your mum is dealing with you. That's not how parents should be with their children. She should support you until you finished college. All my best wishes for you. That makes me feel a bit bad coz my mum would've done everything for me but I didn't care about it during my time at colloge/university, makes me feel bad now that I'm older.

 

[Sweet Tart]

It's really hard having a self-involved argumentative parent. Seems like you are a caring person and have a well-thought out, viable plan to get away from her BS in the next few years.

I am probably a lot older than you and only realized this year that my mom is emotionally abusive. I internalized a lot of her opinions about me and this led me to hate myself until recently. I commend you for being able to see that your mom's neglect and cruelty are her issues, and have little or nothing to do with you. I know this doesn't make it any easier, tho, and I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

 

[SilentSadness]

I don't know why people have children when they dislike them so much, it sounds like you've had a hard time. I hope your future situation improves, you definitely don't deserve this kind of apathetic treatment. But I guess it's good that she didn't overreact when you told her you're suicidal, it could have gone much worse.

 

[FuneralCry]

That person sounds so insensitive, I think it's especially cruel when people force life into this world and they don't even care about the person they brought here, I certainly think it's true that you cannot rely on other people in this world. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I don't know why people have children when they dislike them so much, it sounds like you've had a hard time. I hope your future situation improves, you definitely don't deserve this kind of apathetic treatment. But I guess it's good that she didn't overreact when you told her you're suicidal, it could have gone much worse.

Yeah, it wasn't the first time I told her. She used to be on drugs and I told her at that time and she hit me, like full on slapped me, I was probably in like 9th grade at the time.

She's not as bad as she was, I mean, I think she still loves me somewhat, but not as much as I think she should, and if she does it's an odd way of showing it, that being not at all showing it.

 

[PoisonedOxygen]

Right now, I'm mostly reliant on my mom for necessities (food, shelter, water) but I don't feel like I can ever rely on her emotionally. She blew up at me because I asked why the dog was left out last night.

I came home last night around 10, everyone was asleep, I let the dog in because they left him outside. They left him outside again this morning. I asked her why, not even mean or anything, just from a place of concern for the dog and she blew up at me, asking why I'm "on her ass" about everything, even though that's the only thing I asked.

I also try to tell her about how I feel bad about my shortcomings, she doesn't care, I tell her about my successes, she doesn't care. I have no support system besides my aunt, since my ex left. All my mom really cares about is TV and sleep, I don't feel loved. I left one day for hours, she didn't even notice I was gone. That's saying a lot since she has Life360, an app that tells her when I leave the house.

She always wants to pick arguments with me, so I'm hoping after college, I want to move to a place 2 hours away, I'll have to deal with her less. I don't want to go no-contact, because she's still my mom and can be alright sometimes. It's just hard not to feel loved by your own parents, my dad abanoned me, she doesn't really care.

I legit told her I was suicidal and you know what she told me? Instead of offering support, she told me to at least leave a note. WTF! I don't know, my family is all dysfunctional and I just want to move, and pave my own path in life. College, and this computer science degree in pursuing will be pivotal in that so I need to finish this degree, and do good for myself.

I've learned that I can't rely on anyone for support. Hell, my ex emotionally supports me more than my mom, that's sad. I'm gonna move sometime though, only 4 or so more years, and if it's intolerable before then, I will take larger student loans and move into a dorm.

This is similar to what I'm dealing with right now, I hope you can stay strong It's sad to say but they don't deserve us.

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

That sounds really difficult to handle.

 

[foreversad16]

Right now, I'm mostly reliant on my mom for necessities (food, shelter, water) but I don't feel like I can ever rely on her emotionally. She blew up at me because I asked why the dog was left out last night.

I came home last night around 10, everyone was asleep, I let the dog in because they left him outside. They left him outside again this morning. I asked her why, not even mean or anything, just from a place of concern for the dog and she blew up at me, asking why I'm "on her ass" about everything, even though that's the only thing I asked.

I also try to tell her about how I feel bad about my shortcomings, she doesn't care, I tell her about my successes, she doesn't care. I have no support system besides my aunt, since my ex left. All my mom really cares about is TV and sleep, I don't feel loved. I left one day for hours, she didn't even notice I was gone. That's saying a lot since she has Life360, an app that tells her when I leave the house.

She always wants to pick arguments with me, so I'm hoping after college, I want to move to a place 2 hours away, I'll have to deal with her less. I don't want to go no-contact, because she's still my mom and can be alright sometimes. It's just hard not to feel loved by your own parents, my dad abanoned me, she doesn't really care.

I legit told her I was suicidal and you know what she told me? Instead of offering support, she told me to at least leave a note. WTF! I don't know, my family is all dysfunctional and I just want to move, and pave my own path in life. College, and this computer science degree in pursuing will be pivotal in that so I need to finish this degree, and do good for myself.

I've learned that I can't rely on anyone for support. Hell, my ex emotionally supports me more than my mom, that's sad. I'm gonna move sometime though, only 4 or so more years, and if it's intolerable before then, I will take larger student loans and move into a dorm.

You sound so lovely and caring. I think your Mum may be projecting, you've hit a nerve and she's reacting to what you've said, knowing it's true, not to you. Love that you're looking out for your family dog Go you for having plans and wanting to make your own way. Forge your own path and see where that takes you.

 

[Shirokuma]

If you're happy and confident with the future you can pave and accomplish for yourself, head there with resolve and don't look back. I believe you deserve a life of your own, one that you can self determine whether you can be happy or sad.
People that take away that agency from you to have a life worth living are not worth wasting what short and possibly precious life we have here. I hope you can reach a future where you can be happy without the worry of another taking those kinds of feelings away from you. Best of luck with your degree and situation.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

You sound so lovely and caring. I think your Mum may be projecting, you've hit a nerve and she's reacting to what you've said, knowing it's true, not to you. Love that you're looking out for your family dog Go you for having plans and wanting to make your own way. Forge your own path and see where that takes you.

Well he's such a sweet doggo, a 3 or so year old German Shepherd. Very playful for his size and has hurt me on accident while playing. And thanks, I'm trying to stick to paving that life. Someone on Reddit told me that I shouldn't move to Huntsville (where I want to move) because I'm limiting career options and pay, but honestly I think I'll like Huntsville, and even if I don't, I'm not motivated by money. Only thing I need a good bit of money for is if I wanna have a kid which I'm honestly unsure of.

If you're happy and confident with the future you can pave and accomplish for yourself, head there with resolve and don't look back. I believe you deserve a life of your own, one that you can self determine whether you can be happy or sad.
People that take away that agency from you to have a life worth living are not worth wasting what short and possibly precious life we have here. I hope you can reach a future where you can be happy without the worry of another taking those kinds of feelings away from you. Best of luck with your degree and situation.

Yeah, thank you a lot, it means a ton. I'm trying to keep the a mindset of, "I can do this", and keeping an internal locus of control mindset. I feel like it slips sometimes so I have to remind myself frequently what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.

 

[Haruka]

Hi, I am very sorry to hear about this. I can relate; my Mum passed over two years ago and she's the only parent I have love for. My dad is an abusive piece of crap who doesn't actually want me at home. I moved out for University last year though I will be moving back home permanently this summer due to financial reasons. When I told him I could tell both him and his girlfriend were desperate to keep me away, but they just couldn't tell me no. If I don't CTB whilst I'm still living at home, it will be when I move out when I'm around 22. I am sorry about your Mum too, she sounds awful, and how your dad abandoned you... I am so sorry. Some people do not deserve to be parents at all. My DM is open, please feel free to drop me a message

 

[leavingsoon99]

I felt ALL of this. I wasn't going to post anything tonight, but I had to comment on this because it hits so close to home. I'm glad you're looking to get away from your mother. My mother was exactly how you described, only she was physically abusive to me as well. I, too, told my mother I was suicidal. Her response? "Well, you're just gonna go to hell then. What can I tell you?" So, yeah... I know exactly where you're coming from. I understand the yearning for a family. I feel like I was cheated out of one. My father left when I was young, and my mother treated me like a bastard. When I left for the military, I left to get away from her and my shitty family in a shittier small town.

I'm not trying to give you advice, because again... I understand the desire to want to be close to your family. That maybe, at some point, you can make amends with them. However, one of the regrets that I have, as I'm nearing the close of my life, is that if I could do it all over again, I would cut off contact with my mother completely. I later moved back in with her, destroying a relationship with a woman that I should've worked harder to salvage. I brought up the hurts of my past, and her response was, "Well, you just need to forgive me. I'm Momma." For all of the hurts. All of the pain. THAT was her response. If I could do it all over again, I would not only leave my family, but leave with an actual plan. I would never contact my mother again. I would never contact my brothers again. I would never seek out my father and his family. I would make peace with the fact that I have no family and better plan a functional direction for my life. It may or may not have led to where I am now, but that would've been the best thing for my spiritual and mental health and growth.

I wish you good luck in going to college. I hope you find peace and happiness in what you seek.

 

[charlotte_]

I'm so sorry about this. That's a horrible mother and you deserve none of her attitudes. It truly is incomprehensible why people have kids just to never care about them.Please remember that you are worthy of love and care, and you have no responsibilities tied to her even if she had provided you with food water home ect. You are way more deserving than that. Anyway, I hope you the best in college. Best wishes!

 

[Little_Suzy]

It's time to hit the road! We don't get to select our parents at 18, but we do get to choose our life pathways.

I recommend staying away from your mother, who seems to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

They will never love you or care for you deeply, no matter how fulfilled or successful you become.

And if your mental health is already in decline, staying away from people with NPD is your only hope for recovery.

 

[foreversad16]

Well he's such a sweet doggo, a 3 or so year old German Shepherd. Very playful for his size and has hurt me on accident while playing. And thanks, I'm trying to stick to paving that life. Someone on Reddit told me that I shouldn't move to Huntsville (where I want to move) because I'm limiting career options and pay, but honestly I think I'll like Huntsville, and even if I don't, I'm not motivated by money. Only thing I need a good bit of money for is if I wanna have a kid which I'm honestly unsure of.

Yeah, thank you a lot, it means a ton. I'm trying to keep the a mindset of, "I can do this", and keeping an internal locus of control mindset. I feel like it slips sometimes so I have to remind myself frequently what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.

Other people's opinions can be helpful but go with your gut, you know you. You're young you don't need to have your mind set on the end game. Take one step at a time and work out what's right for you. Happiness is subjective. You've got a great mindset despite your difficult circumstances.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I felt ALL of this. I wasn't going to post anything tonight, but I had to comment on this because it hits so close to home. I'm glad you're looking to get away from your mother. My mother was exactly how you described, only she was physically abusive to me as well. I, too, told my mother I was suicidal. Her response? "Well, you're just gonna go to hell then. What can I tell you?" So, yeah... I know exactly where you're coming from. I understand the yearning for a family. I feel like I was cheated out of one. My father left when I was young, and my mother treated me like a bastard. When I left for the military, I left to get away from her and my shitty family in a shittier small town.

I'm not trying to give you advice, because again... I understand the desire to want to be close to your family. That maybe, at some point, you can make amends with them. However, one of the regrets that I have, as I'm nearing the close of my life, is that if I could do it all over again, I would cut off contact with my mother completely. I later moved back in with her, destroying a relationship with a woman that I should've worked harder to salvage. I brought up the hurts of my past, and her response was, "Well, you just need to forgive me. I'm Momma." For all of the hurts. All of the pain. THAT was her response. If I could do it all over again, I would not only leave my family, but leave with an actual plan. I would never contact my mother again. I would never contact my brothers again. I would never seek out my father and his family. I would make peace with the fact that I have no family and better plan a functional direction for my life. It may or may not have led to where I am now, but that would've been the best thing for my spiritual and mental health and growth.

I wish you good luck in going to college. I hope you find peace and happiness in what you seek.

Well it's not just my mom, I have a decent aunt and grandpa, who have truly helped me through hard times before.

Other people's opinions can be helpful but go with your gut, you know you. You're young you don't need to have your mind set on the end game. Take one step at a time and work out what's right for you. Happiness is subjective. You've got a great mindset despite your difficult circumstances.

Yeah, my mindset helps me a lot, honestly. I used to be really pessimistic but I've worked to change that and I've done alright so far, it's hard to be positive.