Venting Feeling the urgency to take my life...

[Largeletters]

Feeling the urgency to CTB before the end of this week. I'm so fed up and I wish there was an easy way. Survival instinct is such a bitch. I hate this.

 

[LastFlowers]

I feel the urgency all the time, sometimes it is so severe that I have to physically hold myself together as not to go grab some sharp object and stick it in my throat.
The fear of brain damage and leaving unfinished business behind is what usually prevents me from ending my life impulsively, but it is very difficult to stop myself, it feels almost like a betrayal to stay alive, but I must go about this properly in order to secure a successful outcome.

I hope whatever your method is, you are able to somehow rein in the urgency enough to go about ctb in a manner which will leave the least amount of room for damages.
I wish there was an easy way too, like a button that would take care of the preparations and procure an instantaneous death.
It really is so unfair that we are thrust into a life of suffering, only for the end to the madness to be a beast of suffering in and of itself.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place..however, idk about you, but to me, death is still the lesser of two evils in this scenario.
It's unfortunate that there isn't exactly an easy way of going about it, even the most desirable of methods are hard to go through with, when you logically consider the weight of what you must do, there is no levity to be found here, no more in life than in the conscious process of dying.

 

[Moose.000]

I know the feeling. You're not alone, believe me.

 

[littleloup]

I understand what you're feeling. If there was an easy way out, I would've been gone a long time ago and save myself from more pain

 

[ClownMe]

I can relate. ive promised myself that i wouldnt ctb before my dog passes but it's so hard, i just wish i could die, living is so painful.

 

[Largeletters]

I feel the urgency all the time, sometimes it is so severe that I have to physically hold myself together as not to go grab some sharp object and stick it in my throat.
The fear of brain damage and leaving unfinished business behind is what usually prevents me from ending my life impulsively, but it is very difficult to stop myself, it feels almost like a betrayal to stay alive, but I must go about this properly in order to secure a successful outcome.

I hope whatever your method is, you are able to somehow rein in the urgency enough to go about ctb in a manner which will leave the least amount of room for damages.
I wish there was an easy way too, like a button that would take care of the preparations and procure an instantaneous death.
It really is so unfair that we are thrust into a life of suffering, only for the end to the madness to be a beast of suffering in and of itself.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place..however, idk about you, but to me, death is still the lesser of two evils in this scenario.
It's unfortunate that there isn't exactly an easy way of going about it, even the most desirable of methods are hard to go through with, when you logically consider the weight of what you must do, there is no levity to be found here, no more in life than in the conscious process of dying.

I completely relate to everything you're saying. The risk of brain damage/being paralyzed is something that's really stopped me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know what you mean, it is hard to take our own lives. I wish we had a right to a peaceful death, it would make life more bearable knowing we have a way out. Methods can easily go wrong too as well as the SI getting in the way. It is the feeling of being trapped, wanting to die and yet feeling like you can't.