Venting Feeling stuck in your head.

[fluffymuffin]

"Things get better when you grow up!" No, they don't. I've dealt with this shit my entire life. I can't understand why people won't take children with mental health issues seriously. if I were born with a physical illness, would my parents have supported me more? I would trade my physical health for a minute of peace. The first time I opened up to my mother about it, she accused me of seeking attention. I remember doing some weird shit as a child that cannot be explained and it haunts me, I didn't choose to be born with a mind that overcomplicates everything and seeks perfectionism.

I'm supposed to be my own supporter, but how can I live with a mind that tries its best to drain my energy? Nobody knows what it's like to have OCD especially when you grow up in a place where God is supposed to the cure to every goddamn mental issue. You're depressed, paranoid or anxious? That's because you don't have enough faith in God, which contributes to why it took me so long to figure out that my problems cannot be solved by any kind of prayer.

I don't feel human anymore. Nothing feels real. my memories don't feel like they belong to me. I don't feel like I have any kind of personality.

I'm tired.

 

[Stick]

I wish they would take children's mental health so much more seriously. So many of my issues could be at least lessened if I had gotten myself help at 8 instead of 18.
Fluffymuffin, you have gone through a lot and just because people in your life irl can't see it doesn't make it unimportant. It isn't your fault you have this brain, it's natures. You have supporters here, at least. It's not the same, but I hope it's something.

I don't feel human anymore. Nothing feels real. my memories don't feel like they belong to me. I don't feel like I have any kind of personality.

What do you mean by this? I think I get it but not 100%.

 

[Lilacmoon]

-hugs muffin a lot- That situation sounds like hell. They're just victim blaming you for everything that you're feeling because of their faith in God. What are you supposed to do about that? How can anyone fight that? Here, have another hug too.

What do you mean by this? I think I get it but not 100%.

It sounds kind of like disassociating, but I'm not sure.

 

[fluffymuffin]

I wish they would take children's mental health so much more seriously. So many of my issues could be at least lessened if I had gotten myself help at 8 instead of 18.
Fluffymuffin, you have gone through a lot and just because people in your life irl can't see it doesn't make it unimportant. It isn't your fault you have this brain, it's natures. You have supporters here, at least. It's not the same, but I hope it's something.

What do you mean by this? I think I get it but not 100%.

I can't seem to remember my childhood and even when I do it's all vague and dull. I tried on many personalities through out my entire life trying my best to be the version of myself that'll satisfy my craving for perfection. I don't know which one is my true self. My OCD and social anxiety were so conflicting that whenever one of them takes over my life it affects my mindset completely.

Everytime I remember what happened in my childhood I fail to believe that those memories actually belong to me, and whenever someone brings anything up about it I get confused and I don't know what to actually say.