Venting Feeling so isolated

[lugerepair]

I don't feel like I can confide in anyone close to me about what's been going through my mind. I feel like I don't have a future, like it's not going to get any better. Like eventually, it all ends in pain and death no matter what. I don't want to go through it. And why should I?

I often think about suicide. I feel like staying here, alive, is irrational. It's so irrational. It makes no sense at all. This entire existence, everything, is absurd, and meaningless. There is no point to any of it. And yeah, I resent that. Why the fuck am I here?

And why the fuck can't I just talk to people about death, about life, about heavy topics without people shying away? People hate talking about that stuff. But to me, those are the important things. Why wouldn't you want to talk about such things?

I feel so alone. Like I can't confide in anyone. Crisis hotline people don't get it. If they did, they probably wouldn't be crisis hotline people. I'm so tired of keeping it all inside. I wish I could tell all my friends, all my acquaintances, everyone on the street, "stop procreating! What are you doing? Don't you see that life sucks? If there is even a 1% chance that your child might experience the pain I've experienced then I think you shouldn't risk bringing them into the world. Just DON'T DO IT."

I just can't understand why people keep doing this, why they keep making new people. It seems so cruel. And I feel so powerless to stop it.

Anyway, I don't have the energy to pull this together into a coherent post with a single point of focus. It's just....I'm very connected to the dark side of existence, and I can't so easily forget about it, whereas everyone else seems to be doing a rather good job of it.

 

[Makko]

It's not so much forgetting the dark side of existence as tolerating it. People don't have kids for the sake of kids, people have kids because they think it will make themselves happier. Whatever happens to the kids is a secondary concern.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

It's not so much forgetting the dark side of existence as tolerating it. People don't have kids for the sake of kids, people have kids because they think it will make themselves happier. Whatever happens to the kids is a secondary concern.

My mom just wanted a baby. Once I got old enough to talk back she started judging. Not taking into account my utter boredom being an only child...divorce and loss of my cat...and then so much other shit. Shit upon shit. And now no empathy. Literally can't text back 'gee that sucks'.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

People don't want to think about these things because there's no need for them to do so. Clinicians shy away from it because they're afraid that hearing you out could put them in a malpractice suit.

It really sucks especially from a treatment standpoint, I bet having more pro-choice therapeutic spaces could only be beneficial to people who experience suicidal ideation.

The weirdest part is that honesty and vulnerability is expected in other forms of therapy, and often you will even be encouraged to think up the scenarios where everything goes wrong, yet as soon as suicide is mentioned everything comes to a halting stop. You are suddenly incapable of logical thought, you are misperceiving everything, and there's no gray area between hospitalization and getting ignored.

 

[lugerepair]

there's no gray area between hospitalization and getting ignored.

Sums up the situation pretty well. Currently getting ignored.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel a similar way about life, this existence is just so pointless and I do not see it as worth it. People are choosing to bring children into a world which holds unlimited for suffering, there is no limit to the amount of pain we can experience, so I see it as better to never be born in the first place. I'm sorry you are suffering, I feel like people who are not suicidal cannot comprehend what it is like and they naturally try to avoid these types of topics.

 

[NoPointToContinue]

Isolation is the reality of being human. It is just society created such a perfect mechanism of escapism from this that majority of people do not have time or chance to feel this. And then there are people like us. There is nothing in our life that could help us to tolerate this isolation. We are absolutely face to face with this and it is generally not possible to live with a burden like this. Fuck this really

 

[everydayiloveyou]

Sums up the situation pretty well. Currently getting ignored.

Right, I've mentioned that I'm suicidal in therapy and usually it's glossed over or straight up ignored since I don't talk about plans. Most likely because saying anything that can be interpreted as positive reinforcement is a legal grey area, but saying "no, don't think that way!" would damage the therapeutic relationship.

I think some therapists really understand the pro-choice standpoint, and even agree that some cases of mental illness fall into the definition of a "permanently debilitating disability" that most people agree should have the right to die.

The funny thing is that I bet no therapist has ever been sued for "causing" someone who is active in their treatment and clearly suffering from a severe case of mental illness to commit suicide. Of course there's the cases where a twisted psych encourages an unstable person to do it, and schools getting sued for causing suicides, but those cases are always deserved and justified.

Suicide in the therapeutic space should be treated the same way abortion or no-contact is. If a patient has religious or cultural beliefs against it, then work with them according to their values. But if they believe they have a right to die, do not lack insight, and have decent impulse control, they should be free to discuss it in therapy without judgement or risk of hospitalization.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Isolation is the reality of being human. It is just society created such a perfect mechanism of escapism from this that majority of people do not have time or chance to feel this.

Literally the opposite of this is true.

 

[lugerepair]

Suicide in the therapeutic space should be treated the same way abortion or no-contact is. If a patient has religious or cultural beliefs against it, then work with them according to their values. But if they believe they have a right to die, do not lack insight, and have decent impulse control, they should be free to discuss it in therapy without judgement or risk of hospitalization.

Agreed. Feeling like I can't discuss suicide freely kind of undermines the whole point of therapy for me.