Venting Feeling so guilty about lying for drugs ...

[katyhere]

My decision to ctb has been made for a long time and until recently I just never saw an option for doing it. Now I have decided to go with alcohol, metoclopramide and GHB. I just texted a friend to hook me up with some GHB,. I told her it´s for some of my friends and came up with a bullsh*t story. This is making me feel so extremely guilty. I feel terribe. Because she is gonna be the one that provided the drugs that I am going to use for ctb. I wish I would not have to do it like this but I honestly don't know any other way of getting my hands on stuff that will do the job. But this guilt is making me feel so bad, I just had to write it down because it's a lot. On another note, does anyone has information about the quantities I should take regardijg the alcohol GBH and metoclopramide?

(ps. english is not my first language so I am sorry for any mistakes)

 

[Dead beat dad]

Hi friend, I'm sorry for the awful circumstances and sequence of events that must have lead you to the darkness you find yourself in. I honestly and sincerely hope you can find some peace, light and salvation in what ever form that takes.
It is natural and I'm sorry to say right that you feel guilty about having your friend supply the GHB (especially if been done illegally).
I know in the darkness it is really hard to think about the effects our actions will have on others and for some there will come a point where they don't care, but if you can weigh in on what your about to do then please spare some thoughts and compassion (even if the world has not furnished you with these things) for those closest to you.
Good luck friend, here to talk if you need to vent your spleen.
DBD

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm just going to talk straight here. No shaming, no judgement, no hugs either, just looking at facts and ethics.

Your friend chooses to deal and/or transport GHB. It is well known that it is used to assist rapes, and that it can be lethal.

You didn't make her provide it, she already chose to be a source. She did not protect you from GHB, she did not say, "Let's party together so I'm sure you're safe."

You are responsible for lying to get what you sought. You are responsible to your friends for not harming them. If she is emotionally harmed, then yes, you contributed, but you did not make her do something against her will. She chooses to deal/deliver GHB. Bad shit is bound to happen some time. [Edit: She is responsible for what she chooses to do. She may feel bad. She could even go to jail.]

If your lying goes against your ethics, you can flush the GHB and find an ethical [edit: non-harming to others] route to ctb.

Those are my purely analytical thoughts about it. Now sending a hug because you clearly have a conscience, and because I do care.

 

[yuvo]

What is the reason that you want to ctb? Please tell us whats on your mind

 

[ghostspace]

I take GHB as medication for a sleep disorder and you need to know some stuff:

1. it is metabolized VERY quickly, I have to take 3 grams at bedtime and then another 3 grams 2.5 hours later because the first dose has already worn off. the highest prescribed dose is 4.5 grams twice a night for a total of 9 grams (not all at once). 4.5 grams is safe to prescribe, so you'll need significantly more to CTB.

2. it is dangerous to take with alcohol. people who are prescribed it are instructed to not drink at all because it's a high risk. some people drink anyways and are okay as long as it's far enough apart

3. GHB isn't a drug you can easily overdose on, depending what form it comes in. since mine is prescribed medication, it's suspended in a sodium solution (liquid, very salty). it makes most people feel nauseous, it makes you feel extremely drowsy in higher doses, and it works fast. if you're going to take an overdose with alcohol, you need to drink the alcohol first bc GHB can knock you out before you've taken it all

the meto will probably help with nausea and vomiting, but you'd still need significant amounts of alcohol and GBH, and both are out your system pretty quickly. additionally, both cause intoxication that will likely prevent you from taking enough to CTB.

it's very uncertain, definitely possible, but there is no way to be sure it would work for you or exactly how much to take.

TL;DR: It's unlikely this would work. You'd just make yourself feel very ill and sleep for a while. At worst, you might fall and hit your head because unless you take it lying down, GBH is fast. I really do not recommend trying this at all.

 

[Existingnotliving]

Does anyone know a pain free way to die? I can't do this anymore. I've overdosed many times and all they've done is make me ill as I don't think I've taken the right stuff. Anyone any advice on what to use that will just like send me off to sleep and not wake up again? Thanks.

 

[WhiteDespair]

You can always say that it's for you without telling the reasons why. That way you aren't lying.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey honey, well if ur feeling really bad about it, then u can tell her that it's for u..ur regret just shows u have a conscience..If u were to ctb and she would find out that she "supplied" ur method, she could feel guilty..It's all up to u and how u feel now, about her possible guilt after..

 

[katyhere]

I take GHB as medication for a sleep disorder and you need to know some stuff:

1. it is metabolized VERY quickly, I have to take 3 grams at bedtime and then another 3 grams 2.5 hours later because the first dose has already worn off. the highest prescribed dose is 4.5 grams twice a night for a total of 9 grams (not all at once). 4.5 grams is safe to prescribe, so you'll need significantly more to CTB.

2. it is dangerous to take with alcohol. people who are prescribed it are instructed to not drink at all because it's a high risk. some people drink anyways and are okay as long as it's far enough apart

3. GHB isn't a drug you can easily overdose on, depending what form it comes in. since mine is prescribed medication, it's suspended in a sodium solution (liquid, very salty). it makes most people feel nauseous, it makes you feel extremely drowsy in higher doses, and it works fast. if you're going to take an overdose with alcohol, you need to drink the alcohol first bc GHB can knock you out before you've taken it all

the meto will probably help with nausea and vomiting, but you'd still need significant amounts of alcohol and GBH, and both are out your system pretty quickly. additionally, both cause intoxication that will likely prevent you from taking enough to CTB.

it's very uncertain, definitely possible, but there is no way to be sure it would work for you or exactly how much to take.

TL;DR: It's unlikely this would work. You'd just make yourself feel very ill and sleep for a while. At worst, you might fall and hit your head because unless you take it lying down, GBH is fast. I really do not recommend trying this at all.

Thank you for your response. I am aware that it's a relatively uncertain way of going but it's the only thing I can get my hands on. After reading your post and the other ones on here I am rethinking my plan but I guess it'll be a comforting idea just having it around and available. Will continue my search on a better way still, if you have better ideas hit me up. I live in a country where everything is extremely well regulated and controlled (the netherlands) so it's not easy getting yur hands on certain things.
BTW: if I would ctb this way, I will do everything I can to cover up the use of GHB so it's likely they won't know and my friend will not know she suplied it but either way it's selfish to use her for this and I am aware. I am even considering cancelling it but this is the first time in a long while where I feel like I might actually have a solution on how to ctb so it's a difficult call.

 

[ghostspace]

Thank you for your response. I am aware that it's a relatively uncertain way of going but it's the only thing I can get my hands on. After reading your post and the other ones on here I am rethinking my plan but I guess it'll be a comforting idea just having it around and available. Will continue my search on a better way still, if you have better ideas hit me up. I live in a country where everything is extremely well regulated and controlled (the netherlands) so it's not easy getting yur hands on certain things.
BTW: if I would ctb this way, I will do everything I can to cover up the use of GHB so it's likely they won't know and my friend will not know she suplied it but either way it's selfish to use her for this and I am aware. I am even considering cancelling it but this is the first time in a long while where I feel like I might actually have a solution on how to ctb so it's a difficult call.

it's not just uncertain, I think I would compare it to alcohol and benzodiazepines in terms of effectiveness.

GHB is detectable in urine for 4-12 hours and isn't detectable in blood (or barely).

Your friend most likely won't know because it's not usually made public the way a person commits suicide. I understand keeping it around for comfort; that's what I'm doing with my SN and meto right now even though I'm not CTB for a year or two.

If you think of any other questions, feel free to message me (I've read a lot about GHB and it's rare I ever get to share that knowledge.)