MiMif

MiMif

I do not live for others to understand me...
Sep 13, 2023
588
"Unhappiness. There are all kinds of unhappy people in the world. I suppose it would be no exaggeration to say that the world is composed entirely of unhappy people. But those people can fight their unhappiness with society fairly and squarly, and society for its part easily understands and sympathizes with such struggles. My unhappiness stemmed entirely from my own vices, and I had no way of fighting anybody."
Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

I've never related to something so much honestly. I feel empty and like I shouldn't be here. This feeling I've always had however its stronger now. Overbearingly strong. Also doesn't help that I recently watched the anime neon Genesis evangelion and that made it a lot worse. I relate to shinji too much man.

However despite feeling uncomfortable with living and being alive I actually don't really think of killing myself anymore. Recently I've been pleading with God to end everything once and for all and end this meaningless existence or atleast end me. These pleadings haven't been answered. This emptiness I feel is unbearable in a way I can't explain.

I wish someone would kill me so I wouldn't have to feel this way anymore. Maybe I don't think of suicide anymore because of all my failed attempts or maybe I'm just too lazy for it, or maybe I'm a coward idk. I hate dealing with people I hate everything I can't stand this feeling anymore.

Despite this however my mask has gotten stronger and I pretend to be getting better so well. I'm getting much worst though. Hopefully I'll be gone soon...I doubt I'll be able to do it myself though.

I want this to end. What is the meaning of life, society, anything.

This is a vent
 
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