Venting feeling silly about everything but also overwhelmed

[hoppybunny]

I just wanted to say that i'm kinda feeling silly about bein suicidal this whole time. I just got a job, it's ass but it pays really good for my situation. And i'm already making a list of things i want to buy and plans for the future. It makes me feel like me being suicidal was just attention seeking.

But now i'm feeling slightly better all the overwhelm i've been avoiding is coming back. Like i recently got the Github Student Developer pack and i'm like i need to use it all to get a job right now. but they'll all expire at the same time and i need them all but I don't have time for them all but also i should make time. I also have a lot of art courses i need to do like draw a box and the radio runner one and i also need to learn all the languages i've been putting off and also get job experience and do this while going to school and having a job.

i always do this to myself. overwhelm myself when i'm suddenly feeling better then become stressed and suicidal again and repeat the cycle. I know what i'm doing, i know the signs but I can't stop doing it. This blows. I just feel so dumb cause i'm making all my problems.

I'll be quiting my job in december and i'm seeing a therapist now. Hopefully theyll be some improvment cause next August is just around the corner.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It seems you know what caused the MH issues and what made you suicidal. Try to to find a way together with a therapist to manage this so you don't get overwhelmed and consider making breaks/slowing down a bit. I think you can do it with a good therapist! All the best and good luck!!!

 

[sugarb]

Maybe try taking it slow so you stay happy. But anyway- for what it's worth, I believe in you

 

[Mirrory Me]

You know it is something that people do- they can stress something pretty badly, but then after all it could be as simple as that.

 

[hoppybunny]

It seems you know what caused the MH issues and what made you suicidal. Try to to find a way together with a therapist to manage this so you don't get overwhelmed and consider making breaks/slowing down a bit. I think you can do it with a good therapist! All the best and good luck!!!

What does MH mean?

Also, Thank you. I'll try my best. My main reasons for being suicidal are really anxiety, inability to cope with my parents disliking me and also lack of interest. Like I find it hard to see why I should even get better sometimes. Like idk why I try when dying is easier. But at the same time I do want to do a lot of things but once it comes time to putting in the effort I lose interest real quick. (I don't like using the term lazy but that's the best way to describe how I feel. Too lazy to be Alive)

I'll bring this up with my therapist. Hopefully she doesn't try to focus on the safety plan stuff she was doing last session.

You know it is something that people do- they can stress something pretty badly, but then after all it could be as simple as that.

Idk how to explain it but I know.ppl tend to stress over simple things. But it seems unforgivable when it's me.

Maybe try taking it slow so you stay happy. But anyway- for what it's worth, I believe in you

Thank you!! I think I'll try to list out every single thing I'd like to do and what I've done and find what makes me happiest. Then I'll just stick to that while.trying to be independent

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What does MH mean?

MH = Mental Health

Also, Thank you. I'll try my best. My main reasons for being suicidal are really anxiety, inability to cope with my parents disliking me and also lack of interest. Like I find it hard to see why I should even get better sometimes. Like idk why I try when dying is easier. But at the same time I do want to do a lot of things but once it comes time to putting in the effort I lose interest real quick. (I don't like using the term lazy but that's the best way to describe how I feel. Too lazy to be Alive)

I don't think you're lazy. You probably "give up" before you even started. I see myself a bit here though our personal situations are totally different and I'm probably much older than you. It's a vicious cycle we're trapped in sometimes and breaking out of it is difficult that needs a lot of support and willpower.

Like idk why I try when dying is easier.

Dying (death) is always the way out but it's never easy.

 

[hoppybunny]

MH = Mental Health


I don't think you're lazy. You probably "give up" before you even started. I see myself a bit here though our personal situations are totally different and I'm probably much older than you. It's a vicious cycle we're trapped in sometimes and breaking out of it is difficult that needs a lot of support and willpower.


Dying (death) is always the way out but it's never easy.

Thank you for you kind words. You're right dying definitely isn't easy. Otherwise I wouldn't be hear. I really hope we can give up the cycle of self defeat.