Feeling numb to everything. Any uncommon advice to help relight the spark for life?

[FatalSystemError591]

***I have asked for uncommon advice because the traditional talking points of self care, exercise, eating better, trying to find new hobbies, find new friends, nothing has worked.***

Hey fellow recovery section, I write to you seeking advice. I'm trying to get better but I'm struggling. I have some currently untreated mental issues (were being treated in the past, can't work and currently trying to get on insurance so right now I don't have the ability to get psychiatric help for another month or two.) especially what I feel like now is moderate-severe depression. I feel no long term joy anymore in anything. I might feel a quickly fading spark but nothing lasting longer than a few minutes. My usual state of mind is numb at best and well.. obviously I found here to help me with the "worst".

But I've had a girlfriend for a couple of years now and I'm trying to keep myself alive for her but now that the "new relationship" feeling has worn off I don't really have anything that sparks joy. I'm so fucked in the head at this point that my body legitimately and seriously with every fiber of my being I mean this: I don't feel joy. I don't know how to relax. My body just knows depression, anxiety, and C-PTSD among other things.

I want to get better but goddamn I feel like this is my worst struggle. I now have a reason to try to keep on living now that I've escaped my ex-husband, but I don't know what to do about the fact that I'm so deadened to joy and all the passion is drained out of me. All my previous passions are now completely not so, and if I try and start a new one as soon as I get what I need to start that new dopamine chase I just lose all interest.

I can't take it anymore and hate the fact that this is the point in my life where I'm at. No amount of "self care" relaxes me. Hygiene, exercise, trying to pour myself into hobbies, nothing anyone frequently recommends works. I've tried and tried and tried everything that is recommended and nothing works. Before I was taken off of it, even the medication I was on stopped working. It's just gotten to a point where I don't know where to go or what to do.

I hope that there's more I can do on my own, because if the common advice is the only thing that can be given it would be disappointing. I feel like this world is really one dimensional as it is and I hope I still have some options left that aren't addictive or cost money. But, I feel like for what I can do to cope in the meantime there isn't much left.

Please help me recovery friends. I want to believe there is still hope to rejuvenate the joy I once felt. I feel nearly every other emotion other than happiness to a powerful degree that fluctuate.. so where did the happiness go? Is it possible to get it back?

 

[Pluto]

I'm nervous about responding because it will be a huge trigger for many people here, but are you open to a spiritual approach? I only mention it since you specifically mentioned uncommon advice.

 

[TheBroken]

Throwing this out ..... take or leave ..... I do get where you're coming from. Why do people stop caring? The answer to that question lies in the understanding of why people care about anything. When people care about something, they give attention, energy, time, and interest to it. Why? To get something in return. After all, attention, energy, time, and interest are all precious resources no one wants to waste. So, an expectation of a return is weaved into the very fabric of caring. Caring equals investing. No one wants to make a bad investment. If you've invested in a failing business, you'd quickly stop investing. People stop caring when they realize that they're not going to get the return they expect/want. So maybe the real question is - what could give you the return you want and maybe first figure out what IS the return you want?

 

[timf]

Detachment is a common self-protection reflex. However, it is not as easy to reset as an electrical circuit breaker.

Reconnecting is a process of intention. Most connections happen with little conscious thought in ones life. However, if one becomes disconnected, one has to start the process of new connections with deliberation.

The process may start with small indulgences, but will at some point involve other people. This can be difficult because few people manage their relationships intentionally, relying instead on automatic reactions. It can be awkward and even require effort.

This process is especially difficult for those who many not have had much experience with hardship or difficulty. One may feel trapped between the emptiness they feel and the reluctance to engage the unfamiliar or difficult. Some skills may be developed if small difficulties are intentionally engaged at first.

 

[FatalSystemError591]

I'm nervous about responding because it will be a huge trigger for many people here, but are you open to a spiritual approach? I only mention it since you specifically mentioned uncommon advice.

This is one I didn't take into account that could be brought up, I'm spiritual but not in any one true direction. Agnostic is the closest thing.
Was raised Christian but fell out of the faith, and I don't think religion is the path for me. Thank you for the suggestion though!

 

[Al Cappella]

If you're actively experiencing depression you can't will yourself out of it, sorry. Best thing you can do is be kind to yourself, and get treatment when you can. Exercise bla bla bla works great at keeping depression at bay once you're relatively clear of it—but does jack shit for someone with hardly enough energy to get out of bed, etc….

 

[Dead Ghost]

The other day I found out that years ago I went from doing things that I liked to doing things to distracting my mind from problems.
It's a very important difference, because I never considered whether I wanted to do those things or just followed the advice of others.

It's just a starting point that I'm using to rethink things for me, that thought still serves you well. Sometimes I think I've gotten used to doing things out of obligation and that's why I've lost interest in everything.
I think I just have to pamper my mind but I don't know how to do it either.
//
L'altre dia vaig averiguar que fa anys que vaig passar de fer coses que em venien de gust a fer coses per distreure la ment dels problemes.
És una diferència molt important, doncs mai em vaig plantejar si em venia de gust fer aquelles coses o simplement seguía els consells dels demés.

Només és un punt de partida que estic fent servir per replantejar-me les coses, igual et fa servei aquest pensament. De vegades penso que he acostumat al meu cap a fer les coses per obligació i per això ha perdut l'interés en tot.
Crec que només he de mimar la meva ment però tampoc se com fer-ho.

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

Throwing this out ..... take or leave ..... I do get where you're coming from. Why do people stop caring? The answer to that question lies in the understanding of why people care about anything. When people care about something, they give attention, energy, time, and interest to it. Why? To get something in return. After all, attention, energy, time, and interest are all precious resources no one wants to waste. So, an expectation of a return is weaved into the very fabric of caring. Caring equals investing. No one wants to make a bad investment. If you've invested in a failing business, you'd quickly stop investing. People stop caring when they realize that they're not going to get the return they expect/want. So maybe the real question is - what could give you the return you want and maybe first figure out what IS the return you want?

You forgot one important thing: parent/child "caring". When parents "care" about their kids, they don't care about their kids as people. What they really care about is the power over their kids. That is, the power to make their kid feel miserable and suffer no consequences for it. In fact, that's the "return": the joyous feelings of limitless control over a helpless, powerless, borderline-subhuman creature that's legally prohibited from escaping its [sic] home.

Like I mentioned in one of my threads, if kids were free to CTB any time their misery became too intense to bear, parents' "caring" would go out the window. They'd instead shift to "caring" about keeping their kids in their home, treating them just well enough to find a mutually pleasant balance: the parents get to enjoy a subset of their power, the kids surrender a subset of their freedom for three hots and a cot, and both parties begrudgingly find a compromise.

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

I don't feel joy. I don't know how to relax. My body just knows depression, anxiety, and C-PTSD among other things.

First off, I'm sorry you're so unhappy. I know that feeling (I think the technical term is anhedonia, aka the severe blahs), and it really sucks.

My suggestions are (1) microdosing magic mushrooms, which seems to ease a lot of anxiety and stress, and (2) skydiving, because most people find it so terrifying that it seems to reset sthg in the brain. Not sure how feasible either of those is for you, given $ and legalities and whatnot, but I thought I'd throw them out there. Maybe there's sthg you find really scary that you could still try and it would have the same effect, but for less $?

 

[itsallgoodman]

One strange thing that helped me start caring/feeling less indifferent about things was playing video games. I guess learning to care about what is really just meaningless pixels on a screen helped me care more about things that actually mattered. Another thing you may want to consider is what reasons you may be suffering this way. You listed many mental health issues, and to me it seems that it could be possible that your anhedonia could simply be a side effect of your brain trying to block some great pain. Unfortunately, when such a pain is numbed, it can numb other emotions with it. This is all speculation though, and if what I'm guessing is the case, you may want to ask yourself if you even want to feel your emotions. Because if you're numb to block the pain, you may not desire to stop being numb if you know what will be felt because of it.

 

[FatalSystemError591]

One strange thing that helped me start caring/feeling less indifferent about things was playing video games. I guess learning to care about what is really just meaningless pixels on a screen helped me care more about things that actually mattered. Another thing you may want to consider is what reasons you may be suffering this way. You listed many mental health issues, and to me it seems that it could be possible that your anhedonia could simply be a side effect of your brain trying to block some great pain. Unfortunately, when such a pain is numbed, it can numb other emotions with it. This is all speculation though, and if what I'm guessing is the case, you may want to ask yourself if you even want to feel your emotions. Because if you're numb to block the pain, you may not desire to stop being numb if you know what will be felt because of it.

Yeah. I feel like because of everything I'm either completely numb or feel whatever non-positive emotion I have that day very very strongly. So you may have a point that this might be the brain's defense mechanism and protection from the other polar opposite of feeling things too much. Good point!

First off, I'm sorry you're so unhappy. I know that feeling (I think the technical term is anhedonia, aka the severe blahs), and it really sucks.

My suggestions are (1) microdosing magic mushrooms, which seems to ease a lot of anxiety and stress, and (2) skydiving, because most people find it so terrifying that it seems to reset sthg in the brain. Not sure how feasible either of those is for you, given $ and legalities and whatnot, but I thought I'd throw them out there. Maybe there's sthg you find really scary that you could still try and it would have the same effect, but for less $?

This isn't a bad idea, there is something I can do. Along with mental illnesses I'm physically disabled so, maybe I can work on this at the same time and maybe the progress with getting my disability under control might help.