star_shine
Member
- Mar 26, 2023
- 10
I have been idk feeling empty? Numb. I honestly don't know. Some stuffs happened a couple of weeks ago and this online friend of mine stopped talking to me . blocked me because of it , before blocking we had an interrogation and i just felt so shitty about myself after that conversation and my boyfriend, who i just started to date then, we are in a long distance relationship and a few friends said that, the friend is just jealous I rejected them (we used to flirt but idk i didnt feel like we should date and everything), the reaction he had was really rude and i still feel kinda guilty about what happened, kinds blaming myself about what happened, Yesterday a this another close online friend texted me, she was sad , a week ago ,she said she wanted to die and she wanted to kill herself, she has said this before so i never really thought that she would be doing it, she texted me saying that i don't care about her and that if i did i would have checked up on her ,i felt hurt, i did care I just i wasn't myself the past few days , i am slowly starting to feel disinterested in eveything i do and just tired all the time and when i overthink i start to hate myself and feel like doing sh ,she said these.... I don't know i just i felt so...sad i hated myself i slowly started feeling nothing like i cried , but it was what? Just one tear. And i couldn't cry anymore ,i texted her words to comfort her but it felt idk how to explain :( i felt nothing while sending the reply ,she later calmed down and apologized for being harsh. I feel so disappointed with myself. I tried to actually make changes in my life ,try to get better and then this happened now i am just back to the start, i don't even know what to feel and I can't even cry however sad i get. It hurts. Thanks for reading my rant if u did.
