LivingDeadGirl
Member
- Sep 4, 2020
- 41
So, long story kinda short, I've tried to kill myself many times over the last 2 decades and it was more a cry for help most of the time. Last attempt was years ago and after being locked up in a state facility for 10 months I finally decided I was done trying to get help from the mental health care system. Well, I decided to go back and give it one last shot a few months ago since I don't believe I was ever really ready to work on my issues before. Since I started back up, I've been forgotten about by my case manager, told she would work on multiple things to help and not one was ever done. My therapist can't even remember what we talk about and is eating food most of the time in sessions. She told me she wanted to see me weekly, then scheduled me 3 weeks later and when I called was told it wasn't in my chart to be seen weekly. How about you fucking ask her?! So I tell her to close my file cuz I'm drunk and don't care if I live. She says ok. Really? She must've closed the file so I was no longer their problem. Sitting here trying the hardest I ever have and they give me NOTHING.
On top of it, I was of course put on meds. Meds that I kept telling them I feel no different on. So they kept upping them. Guess what? I FEEL NOTHING. I used to get numb but I'd go outside and feel the cool air on my skin and feel alive, if even for a moment. Now theres nothing. All this team of ppl have done is push me closer to the edge. So I reopened my file, not to try and get help, but because I saw they were a new facility when I looked em up online and were raving about no suicides. So I want to be their first. Am I an ass? Probably, but I'm also very tired and this just proved to me what an uncaring world we live in when those who get paid to care dont. I gave it one last shot, Im done.
On top of it, I was of course put on meds. Meds that I kept telling them I feel no different on. So they kept upping them. Guess what? I FEEL NOTHING. I used to get numb but I'd go outside and feel the cool air on my skin and feel alive, if even for a moment. Now theres nothing. All this team of ppl have done is push me closer to the edge. So I reopened my file, not to try and get help, but because I saw they were a new facility when I looked em up online and were raving about no suicides. So I want to be their first. Am I an ass? Probably, but I'm also very tired and this just proved to me what an uncaring world we live in when those who get paid to care dont. I gave it one last shot, Im done.