Feeling low lately because I wish I'd ctbed last year

[ncmxm]

This time last year I was very close to ctbing but I didn't. And recently I was looking back on it and I kinda asked myself "what would I have missed if I'd ctbed, what things that have happened in the past year would I miss if I'd ctbed" and the answer was nothing. There is literally fucking nothing I'd miss, nothing has happened in the past year that made me go "I'm sure glad I stayed alive"

Fucking nothing! I really should have done it last year
My life is still shit and I'm still a pathetic loser freak, what's the point
I really should have done it earlier and saved myself the embarrassment

And I'm spiralling hard because of this realisation recently and lately overall I've been doing a bit better and now I feel like I'm about to relapse

 

[Gordy99]

I don't have the perfect advice for you but sometimes just taking it one day at a time is a good idea. I wish I had done it years ago and I'm still here. My life is an endless loop of boring.

I'm not sure if you are on medication but that might help. It has helped me but definitely hasn't solved all of my problems. It just helps me cope with life.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used to hurt you. - Tyrion Lannister

 

[cooldude420]

Thank you sharing. What are you working towards for your future? What does your life look like day to day?

 

[ncmxm]

Thank you sharing. What are you working towards for your future? What does your life look like day to day?

Nothing really. I don't know what I want or if I want anything. I started learning a language to move to a different country but now I don't know if I want to do it or if it'd make any difference, I think I'd be a sad fuck anywhere.

I go to work and in my free time and on weekends I read/watch something, teach myself that language, or browse the internet, and I spend time with some family members if I can.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I don't have the perfect advice for you but sometimes just taking it one day at a time is a good idea. I wish I had done it years ago and I'm still here. My life is an endless loop of boring.

I'm not sure if you are on medication but that might help. It has helped me but definitely hasn't solved all of my problems. It just helps me cope with life.

I agree. First of all I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering like this.

It's normal to feel this way. And it's normal to have moments when you feel more down.

I think it's best to really take it one day at a time. And if it's too much, take it one morning at a time, one afternoon at a time, etc.

Sometimes when I look back and evaluate my life I realize that most of my life was spent in sadness and loneliness so it's better to look forward and try to turn things around.

I'm also taking medication and it really helps.

Besides, you're not alone. We're here for you if you need. Take care. I wish you the best.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Nothing really. I don't know what I want or if I want anything. I started learning a language to move to a different country but now I don't know if I want to do it or if it'd make any difference, I think I'd be a sad fuck anywhere.

I go to work and in my free time and on weekends I read/watch something, teach myself that language, or browse the internet, and I spend time with some family members if I can.

Moving to a new country or area can be of a big help but it has to be for the right reasons. There are also difficulties to be considered

One thing you cannot expect is moving somewhere will change your life totally. What you can hope for is maybe you go to a place that more suits your lifestyle .

 

[cooldude420]

I go to work and in my free time and on weekends I read/watch something, teach myself that language, or browse the internet, and I spend time with some family members if I can.

It doesn't sound like a terrible life. But, I do also understand that you can have a good external life and a horrible internal life. So, please don't misunderstand me and think I am diminishing your suffering.

I think as far as going to another country...... you won't know how you feel till you get there. Have you found an online community to practice your language with?

 

[ncmxm]

It doesn't sound like a terrible life. But, I do also understand that you can have a good external life and a horrible internal life. So, please don't misunderstand me and think I am diminishing your suffering.

I think as far as going to another country...... you won't know how you feel till you get there. Have you found an online community to practice your language with?

I get what you mean, and you're right, it definitely isn't a terrible life. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, about how some people live in literal hell, and compared to them my life is great. It's just that the depression and the suicidality are still there.

I'm not part of any community, but there's one person I practice speaking the language with.

 

[gottablast888]

yup thats life with ocd

 

[cooldude420]

I get what you mean, and you're right, it definitely isn't a terrible life. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, about how some people live in literal hell, and compared to them my life is great. It's just that the depression and the suicidality are still there.

I'm not part of any community, but there's one person I practice speaking the language with.

There has to be discord channels for the language you are learning. You can look for meetups as well.