Venting Feeling like nobody

[endofafoxtwo]

Laying in bed earlier, considering sh.
Think to myself, "is this really what I want to do? Is this what I am?"
And it dawned on me, as Iooked past through my life, I don't have an identity.
I don't have anything much in my memory that I can point to which makes me proud or makes me think "yep! That's me!"
I've never fit in anywhere. I've been isolated my whole life. I have no accomplishments and no dreams. I hate the world around me. I take no joy in my body or in my mind.
I wish someone would just put me out of my fucking misery, already.
I am nobody. I am no-thing. Yet I only understand this logically and not intuitively, so no enlightenment comes.
There's no point to anything. Nothing I can do will make things better, and there's nobody out there to help me.
Fuck, I should have died back in march when I actually had the balls to go through with it. Damn me to hell for being too emotional to remember how to cut properly. Fuck.
This post is meaningless. I could just as easily dump it into a note file and it would have the same effect as posting it online here.
I just want it to end. I wish I could just stop beating this heart, stop bellowing these lungs and just slip away back into chaos.
Fuck, the most pathetic thing is even despite feeeling this way, I also just kind of want someone to hold me and tell me everything's alright. It's embarassing.

 

[unnormal9]

Post is not meaningless. Most just don't know how to respond. And other reasons.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

By meaningless I mostly mean nothing will come of it, good or bad. It's literally pointless.

 

[Hollowman]

I can relate, I lost my identity decades ago from a bad drug interaction I'm never really sure who I am. My memory's impaired so I can't really miss my former self to much. I have one person left helping me. If I outlive them life will be a whole new level of hell.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

-
I am so jealous of other animals.
To be born wild and free, with a mother, father and siblings who all love you. With a body that contains within it all you will ever need to survive. A mind and body purpose built to live joyously as one is. Simple, refined, elegant. No confusion, no existential dread, just beautiful, self-justifying life.
I despise being human.

I can relate, I lost my identity decades ago from a bad drug interaction I'm never really sure who I am. My memory's impaired so I can't really miss my former self to much.

I suffer memory issues too which makes it way harder I agree. What drug were you doing?
Brb

 

[Hollowman]

My bad memory's a big part of what led me here Lsd weed and a couple prescription meds. One of them was a chemo drug. Ruined my life.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

One of the worst things was that fot most my life I would isolate myself and hide away during my worst, weakest moments.
When I finally decided to open up about what I was going through there was no real help. Everybody left me.

 

[Hollowman]

One of the worst things was that fot most my life I would isolate myself and hide away during my worst, weakest moments.
When I finally decided to open up about what I was going through there was no real help. Everybody left me.

I'd hide away at my worst too. And the 'help' was never enough, I tried for almost 30 years. Been on more meds than I can remember, a few years ago I finally gave up on psychiatry.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

I'd hide away at my worst too. And the 'help' was never enough, I tried for almost 30 years. Been on more meds than I can remember, a few years ago I finally gave up on psychiatry.

Shrinks are criminal. Evil. Im sorry you had to deal with them.

 

[Hollowman]

Yeah, they're worthless.

 

[Hid124]

Laying in bed earlier, considering sh.
Think to myself, "is this really what I want to do? Is this what I am?"
And it dawned on me, as Iooked past through my life, I don't have an identity.
I don't have anything much in my memory that I can point to which makes me proud or makes me think "yep! That's me!"
I've never fit in anywhere. I've been isolated my whole life. I have no accomplishments and no dreams. I hate the world around me. I take no joy in my body or in my mind.
I wish someone would just put me out of my fucking misery, already.
I am nobody. I am no-thing. Yet I only understand this logically and not intuitively, so no enlightenment comes.
There's no point to anything. Nothing I can do will make things better, and there's nobody out there to help me.
Fuck, I should have died back in march when I actually had the balls to go through with it. Damn me to hell for being too emotional to remember how to cut properly. Fuck.
This post is meaningless. I could just as easily dump it into a note file and it would have the same effect as posting it online here.
I just want it to end. I wish I could just stop beating this heart, stop bellowing these lungs and just slip away back into chaos.
Fuck, the most pathetic thing is even despite feeeling this way, I also just kind of want someone to hold me and tell me everything's alright. It's embarassing.

It's not embrassing and you shouldnt say your a nobody I'm not hear to say everything will be better because I don't know that but I think you should keep fighting and not lose hope if you want to talk reply or message me

 

[endofafoxtwo]

Hid you are sus ngl

 

[endless_pain]

I struggle with having a place in this world, feeling that I am not enough to do something meaningful, so hard to overcome this pain and that's the reason why dark thoughts invade my mind. Rooting also from my devastating past. No joy only pain. I am almost addicted to it.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

I

I struggle with having a place in this world, feeling that I am not enough to do something meaningful, so hard to overcome this pain and that's the reason why dark thoughts invade my mind. Rooting also from my devastating past. No joy only pain. I am almost addicted to it.

can relate. Growing up under abusive parents sucks completely.

 

[kwho]

I am nobody.

I can see you so clearly though. That means you can't be a nobody. Probably doesn't help you any, sorry.

I so wish i could help.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

I can see you so clearly though. That means you can't be a nobody. Probably doesn't help you any, sorry.

I so wish i could help.

But can you really see me?

 

[kwho]

... a koan question.... can't be answered, can't be ignored.

How about i just post a cute picture?

 

[endofafoxtwo]

... a koan question.... can't be answered, can't be ignored.

How about i just post a cute picture?


View attachment 110840

Very nice

 

[Zegers]

your post hits close home. I also feel empty and in the middle of nowhere.

 

[Doc]

your post hits close home. I also feel empty and in the middle of nowhere.

we'll all be gone soon