Venting Feeling like being watched

[PurposeDeficiency]

I'm not schizophrenic or anything. I know that no one's watching me but oftentimes when I'm alone it doesn't feel like I am. It's also not that I think "what if someone saw what I'm doing right now" but rather an imagination at the back of my head. Subtle but always there. Sort of as I was a person I know or another me watching myself through a screen. And they judge me. Or rather I judge myself in the eyes of other people? Again, I know it's not real and I don't visually see it. I've talked to people about it and they think it's strange. Depersonalisation feels different for me too. Anyone else experiencing this?

 

[Deathcabforugly]

I depersonalize and dissociate too. My therapist says "let's not rule out DID" fuck this life

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Mh, hard to relate from what you wrote. Self consciousness is a normal thing which comes in degrees. Does it feel like the usual hyper-awareness one sometimes feels in a social situation, or is it qualitatively different from social anxiety?

Do you smoke cannabis?

 

[pole]

yep.

i have really bad body dysmorphia and i've always been critical and judgemental of myself in general, so i'll always feel like im being watched and judged at the same time, for literally whatever i do and say. Even when i'm alone, i've been so conditioned into being judgemental and self-critical about myself, where i'll feel as if theres eyes on me, even when i'm completely alone. its impacted my life significantly.

 

[Deathcabforugly]

No i don't drink/drug or use weed. It's kind of like watching myself watching stressful things go on

 

[PurposeDeficiency]

Mh, hard to relate from what you wrote. Self consciousness is a normal thing which comes in degrees. Does it feel like the usual hyper-awareness one sometimes feels in a social situation, or is it qualitatively different from social anxiety?

Do you smoke cannabis?

I do have social anxiety and think it's related to that. It's just weird to me feeling it even though I'm alone. I am very self concious and worry about what others think. However, it's even harder if I can never rest because the judgement is there constantly. And I drink but have never smoked.

 

[Deleted member 14573]

Sometimes I get really paranoid that someone out there is watching me and hating me. Whether they're watching me through social media or just thinking about me in a negative way. I can feel hatred directed towards me.

I understand that it's probably my self hatred coupled with paranoia.

 

[terry_a_davis]

I used to think my house was rigged up with tiny cameras in the cracks in the ceiling, in the tv's, in the fireplace, all monitoring me 24/7.

 

[Deathcabforugly]

Sometimes I get really paranoid that someone out there is watching me and hating me. Whether they're watching me through social media or just thinking about me in a negative way. I can feel hatred directed towards me.

I understand that it's probably my self hatred coupled with paranoia.

God I feel like this all the time! From what I understand, it's part of my BPD

 

[AnnonyBox]

I would make a joke about Amazon home decives, but now isn't the time. It could be some form of anxiety, the fear of being watched is a very primal one, and it could manifest out of some kind of anxiety. That said, I'm no expert on the mind, so take what I say with a grain of salt.