I hate everything about myself, but for whatever reason there's like this invisible wall that won't let me ctb. I'm an incredibly weak person. It's like I was born to do nothing but cause grief for others. What bothers me the most about myself is that the only thing on this planet that I care about or love is my dog, yet often my actions say otherwise. It's wildly pathetic how insecure and anxious I am to the point where it affects him. Everyday I wake up I feel as if I have failed and he deserves someone much better than me, but I can't live without him. Often times my thoughts are consumed by feeling like my negativity at times has fractured the relationship between us, and the only thing that keeps me from trying to break through that invisible wall with all my might is the chance he has forgave me and still loves me. This massive cloud of darkness just hovers overtop of me and follows me almost anywhere I go, and it's exhausting. I just want to live a happy life with my dog man, I know life's not exactly fair, but I don't believe it's a lot to ask to not have to overthink every little thing that goes on around me.
I am fully hearing you on that. Dogs love is unconditional. Right now my boxer is laying by me and I'm holding my baby lol another sleepless night…. Even baby sleeps better haha
On overthinking…. I've been poisoned with that as well. It's enough to drive you crazy. Do you have friends and activities you like doing?
On overthinking…. I've been poisoned with that as well. It's enough to drive you crazy. Do you have friends and activities you like doing?
I don't have any friends, but I'm not entirely upset about that. As you said, a dogs love is unconditional therefore in my opinion it's unlike anything a human can offer in this world. I honestly only need him in this life but I constantly am plagued of thinking of life without him so I rarely ever see the point in like doing things to set up my future. If I don't plan on being here if he isn't.
I like to play video games because it allows me to still hangout with him and do something I enjoy. It's hard for me to go anywhere in public that I can't take him because I feel like he will feel neglected or something. My brain even tortures me for going to work so it's like I can't ever get the slightest win, my head is always clouded with such absurd negativity.
Thank you for asking by the way, I really appreciate the feedback.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 44,976
I'm sorry that you are going through this, I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. Our thoughts really can torture us and I know that it can be awful being trapped in a miserable life. I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
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