babyinmyuniverse
Member
- Feb 22, 2020
- 27
I guess there's some background of all the horrible things that have led up to this moment I need to get off my chest. I've been dealing with a lot of bad luck since around last August. It feels like I've lived a lifetime in a matter of months. It started with my physical health getting bad needing some not very pleasant tests in hospital and not getting good results, then my (albeit horribly unhealthy) relationship broke down which involved lots of cheating, lying and manipulating and left me homeless. I had to move in with my ex partners parents which was not ideal but I was grateful to have a place.
I eventually work my ass off and get a new place with a friend and a new job. New job gives me purpose again and things start getting better. I lose the new job at Christmas as well was having some more problems with that past relationship which spiral me into a psychotic episode. End up getting diagnosed with PTSD, OCD and depression. A few months later I meet someone new which felt like a tiny bit of hope in an otherwise very bleak world.....that turns out to be a disaster. This is a tiny thing amongst a lot of larger horrible things but was just another push down when I was trying to get back up.
Now, months on, I'm having to move back in with my parents as I'm losing the house after my best friend going behind my back to get me kicked out of the house. I've lived away from home for 4 years and have a bit of a hard time living at home, it's not particularly good for my mental health and hurts especially knowing how hard I worked to stay in my city after the breakup. With everything going on I just don't have that option anymore and haven't been left with enough time to find somewhere new, besides I'm on furlough and don't have the finances.
Two days ago my Grandad, who was my hero, passed away. I'm really trying here. I try so hard each time to pick myself back up but it feels like the universe doesn't even want me to get back up. I keep having flashbacks of the times I did see my Grandad over the past few years (he lived in a carehome, had dementia, not very pleasant images) and flashbacks of my emotionally abusive relationship have come back. I keep thinking about how lonely and scared my Grandad must have been not just at his death but for the past few years of his life. I don't want to put my family through more grief but where do I even go from here, I feel utterly hopeless.
I eventually work my ass off and get a new place with a friend and a new job. New job gives me purpose again and things start getting better. I lose the new job at Christmas as well was having some more problems with that past relationship which spiral me into a psychotic episode. End up getting diagnosed with PTSD, OCD and depression. A few months later I meet someone new which felt like a tiny bit of hope in an otherwise very bleak world.....that turns out to be a disaster. This is a tiny thing amongst a lot of larger horrible things but was just another push down when I was trying to get back up.
Now, months on, I'm having to move back in with my parents as I'm losing the house after my best friend going behind my back to get me kicked out of the house. I've lived away from home for 4 years and have a bit of a hard time living at home, it's not particularly good for my mental health and hurts especially knowing how hard I worked to stay in my city after the breakup. With everything going on I just don't have that option anymore and haven't been left with enough time to find somewhere new, besides I'm on furlough and don't have the finances.
Two days ago my Grandad, who was my hero, passed away. I'm really trying here. I try so hard each time to pick myself back up but it feels like the universe doesn't even want me to get back up. I keep having flashbacks of the times I did see my Grandad over the past few years (he lived in a carehome, had dementia, not very pleasant images) and flashbacks of my emotionally abusive relationship have come back. I keep thinking about how lonely and scared my Grandad must have been not just at his death but for the past few years of his life. I don't want to put my family through more grief but where do I even go from here, I feel utterly hopeless.
