Feeling good, secured a method

[MillieXIO]

I'm understanding what that sense of freedom/relief people are always talking about is now. I always read articles about 'suicide watch' that say you should watch out for a sudden improvement in mood and I was wondering how true it is. Now I get it. Not quite ready to CTB and hoping I won't ever be, but man does it feel good to hold the way out in my hands.
If you're wondering what I have, I live close enough to Philly that I could get in contact with a dealer and get some drugs that are cut with fent, then take a day trip to go pick it up. Already used some of those test strips that they sell for cheap in corner stores and stuff, they've been coming up positive.
It feels pretty messed up to be happy about this, and honestly that dealer charged me a lot extra for looking specifically for fent, but it feels worth it to have the way out in my hands.

 

[TAW122]

I can kind of relate to the feeling of relief when securing a method, especially a reliable one. I remember back in 2019, when I had readily access to my means of CTB, I felt a lot of relief because i know if anything goes to utter shit, I have a way out and can confidently execute my attempt. Anyways, I hope you are able to find peace when the time comes.

 

[qewpie]

ooh congrats. that is my ideal way to go but i dont know any dealers and i also cant move from my bed!! i should have been smarter when i first decided i would probably die by suicide (all the way back in 2018) esp. if things went to shit (and boy are they so shit right now) and secured a method like N or fent but now I just have SN…unless i find something better on the dark web