tiredplant777
Student
- Jul 23, 2021
- 196
I've been feeling hopeless and nearly catatonic most days. I'm tired. The last thing I can do is be a supportive person. My friend was going through some stuff and wanted to talk on the phone, but I have found that when we talk it often feels like it's a long therapy session, and while I feel that my friend should be able to talk about her stuff I'm really not someone who can handle that weight atm. I've been telling her I've been too depressed to talk bc it's true, and I noticed over the past two years that when I'm in situations where I'm offering one sided support I end up feeling even worse and it effects me for days. When other friends need support but the friendship feels more balanced it doesn't get to me. Every time I talk with this person we are talking about heavy things or conflicts. There isn't a balance. With other people I know it's a mix of things, if that makes sense. I told this person I wasn't in a good place to talk last night, and they messaged today saying they really wanted to talk with me. I know that it should be okay if I say no, but I don't want to have to say no again. I get boundaries and stuff and I shouldn't feel guilty for having boundaries and that's not my friend's fault that I have a hard time with that stuff. I'm just really worn out and I wish people would get that and leave me alone. I also wish things like this didn't effect me so much. I just feel like it's hard, I've been through a lot of things my friends can't handle even me mildly bringing up, so I don't get any support for that stuff. So when they want support from me that is one sided I just shut down/disassociate, and being so disassociated is just really hard to navigate, and I'm tired of feeling so empty and grey from the disassociation.