Discussion Feeling better now that I know my end is close at hand

[BlueWidow]

Does anyone else find it ironic that the closer you get to your ctb date, the better you feel?

In the past couple of days, I've had lots of people commenting on how much "happier"
I seem. I have to admit, I have been feeling happier, though I wouldn't approach my mood as anything close to what is considered traditional happiness.
However, the reason for this "happiness" is because I know I'm soon to get off of this never ending merry go round of bullshit.

Isn't it ironic that the only way we can make ourselves feel better is to end our lives?

And what kind of fucked up universe is this when that is the way it is?

 

[R_N]

Yeah I feel similar. I don't have a ctb date but whenever I feel bad about life just a thought about suicide makes me feel better.

 

[LMLN]

Oh yes. Everyone is complimenting me on how much better I'm getting since my husbands death. In other words im not bothering them with my grief, crying and asking for support.
Little do they know why I am feeling better. I do not have a date set but do have my method ready to go. And I think I wont make it long. That's why I seem less grieved. Sadly but that's the truth.

 

[Squiddy]

Yeah I feel similar. I don't have a ctb date but whenever I feel bad about life just a thought about suicide makes me feel better.

Same. I also don't have a date, but the thought is comforting

 

[_Minsk]

feeling the same about it, in the past, when i was down, it helped me a lot to just think about that when im older im out of this crappy planet:)
having an exact date is even better heheheh, but also sad in some way:/

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Having all the stuff for my method makes me feel good too. The main problem is that I don't live alone so it's difficult to set date. I want my body to be found 8 hours after I take SN.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

When my wife woke me up (before we separated) to yell at me about something, I just smiled because I thought "I guess today's the day." So I did my usual and started my 72 hour time. 24 hours later I told her I thought we should get divorced. Between that and the power to CTB on my terms, I was on cloud nine for a couple months.

 

[not4us]

you may become happy to the point when you won't see the need in ctb, SI works in different ways

 

[BlueWidow]

you may become happy to the point when you won't see the need in ctb, SI works in different ways

I'll never become that happy.

Feeling a little bit happier than usual doesn't change what the future holds for me.

I'm still going to have an under treated thyroid problem that causes me extreme exhaustion, dizziness, and brain fog all of the time.

There is still going to be no point to my existence without my husband here.

I still see a bleak future for myself wherein I just get sicker and sicker to the point where I can no longer take care of myself and I'm either at other people's mercy, or possibly even homeless.
So. . . While I am feeling better, I'm not feeling that much better.

In fact, the recent lowering of my dose of thyroid medicine again is already causing me to feel my symptoms more severely. . . again.
Today I had a severe dizzy spell in which I had to hold onto the table so I wouldn't fall.

 

[Passersby]

Hi Bluewidow, I totally know what you mean. Hopefully soon I will have all of the supplies I need to ctb and that will make me feel a little better too but doesn't do anything to actually change my outcome of death. I know everyone's situation is different but like you said mine is also not fixable and I am not going to rot away in a rest home or in my own home with someone having to take care of me for 20-50 yrs. That is just not worth it to me. It is also humiliating and degrading. I felt a little better once I got my sn and also had my exit bag completed. It's a weird feeling to think that when I look at these things that this is going to kill me and I won't be coming back. I don't care if I had a great team of 5 people that would do for me whatever I needed and said we love you and you are great. I am still sufffering and fighting the same physical and mental problems a d being sedentary. While I'm laying in a bed or sitting back in my special chair then I can read a text from old friends that will say something like they are out in the sunshine on a gold course or doing something fun whatever it is and that furthur drives the nails in my coffin.

 

[Daniela]

I really don't know what is this peace you're speaking of and I likely never will. Feeling much worse since my failed attempt and really unnerved by SSers suggesting one needs to be calm to succeed, otherwise it's a sign "there''s hope". I don't think there is in my case and I'm psyching myself up through spite. I really am hurting badly.

 

[Emily123]

I am happier too . Maybe because this world is a horrible place to leave .

 

[DevilInHell667]

Does anyone else find it ironic that the closer you get to your ctb date, the better you feel?

In the past couple of days, I've had lots of people commenting on how much "happier"
I seem. I have to admit, I have been feeling happier, though I wouldn't approach my mood as anything close to what is considered traditional happiness.
However, the reason for this "happiness" is because I know I'm soon to get off of this never ending merry go round of bullshit.

Isn't it ironic that the only way we can make ourselves feel better is to end our lives?

And what kind of fucked up universe is this when that is the way it is?

This

 

[ValideSultana]

I'm not planning to CTB any time soon, although I frequently want to. I'm hoping for another 10-12 years on earth, 58-60 years is good enough for me. I do feel peace at knowing I'll be making my choice to go when I want, not when my natural life span is up.

 

[BlueWidow]

I'm not planning to CTB any time soon, although I frequently want to. I'm hoping for another 10-12 years on earth, 58-60 years is good enough for me. I do feel peace at knowing I'll be making my choice to go when I want, not when my natural life span is up.

Yes, it's a good feeling knowing you have control over it, isn't it? Whether it's now or 10 years from now.

 

[ValideSultana]

Yes, it's a good feeling knowing you have control over it, isn't it? Whether it's now or 10 years from now.

Absolutely.

 

[BlueWidow]

Actually, I think that's what a lot of suicidal thoughts are about. It's about feeling trapped and having no control over anything. I certainly felt that way when I was younger.
I would say I even felt that way to some degree up until I found this website and SN.

 

[TrailerTrash]

Yes ...... being a few stat does of AE with 25g of salty powder away from peace feels good. Not far now ..... wishing you the best.