feeling awful again

[nopointofliving]

Fear of living controls me. My confidence level is zero. I always feel I lack something. For a moment, I think I'm alright, I'm fighter, I can win this. And in another moment I feel I'm a complete mess. I don't mind if I die now, it will be a great fortune. I can't ctb now, I'm not ready mentally, and I have no tools. I have considered the shallow water blackout method as it requires no tools, but not sure if I can do it or whethe this is what I want to do now or not.

I feel lonely, left alone. Life is overwhelming to me. I'm unemployed but I do some freelancing programming work, I haven't had a job in my whole life and this makes me feel unworthy and stupid. I'm not a stupid person in terms of my skills or what I can do, in terms of functioning in society, following these stupid norms. Many those who have less skills than me, are getting jobs with high pay... and me here lying on bed doing nothing because I can't be social and hypocrite like them, I can't dress to attract attention like them.

I want to write more but I'm tired... love you all, thanks for listening:)

 

[whywere]

Hi! 1st and fore most you are NOT..NOT stupid as far as norms goes along with interacting with society. Being 65 I can at least somewhat say that following the herd does not pay sometimes becasue when one plays that game, and I have seen it throught the decades, someone is always willing to stab a person in the back to "get ahead" Always be true to yourself and network , I always do. You are a very bright young person with so much to give yourself and the world and just by reading your post, I can overall say that you WILL do great. I am NOT any smarter than the next person, BUT I do have over 47 years of life experience, usally hard won but it never leaves me ever. All my love and SUPPORT to you!! Walter

 

[nopointofliving]

Hello Walter,

life is hard, I don't know how to manage it :(

 

[WornOutLife]

Sorry you're going through this hell, dear.

I dunno if this will help but, if it makes you feel any better, I started to "really work" when I was 30. Before that, I was just frustrated with all the jobs I applied for. I felt such a...useless slave!

My confidence level was zero too.

I think the key is to try to calm down and look at all the possibilities we have out there.

The first thing to do, is to find energy to do stuff. Without energy, we'll just think of ctb and be in bed 24/7. The source of energy could come from anywhere. Even from finding a new hobby such as a new tv show or book!

I really hope you can feel better somehow. You're really nice and I love seeing you around.

Feel free to talk to me whenever you want to. I'll do my best to help.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[nopointofliving]

Sorry you're going through this hell, dear.

I dunno if this will help but, if it makes you feel any better, I started to "really work" when I was 30. Before that, I was just frustrated with all the jobs I applied for. I felt such a...useless slave!

My confidence level was zero too.

I think the key is to try to calm down and look at all the possibilities we have out there.

The first thing to do, is to find energy to do stuff. Without energy, we'll just think of ctb and be in bed 24/7. The source of energy could come from anywhere. Even from finding a new hobby such as a new tv show or book!

I really hope you can feel better somehow. You're really nice and I love seeing you around.

Feel free to talk to me whenever you want to. I'll do my best to help.

Hugs and love,

Matt

Thank you Matt, I appreciate your presence and having you around <3

I applied for jobs, went to some interviews, and it only made me feel worse. I don't feel I can fit in working for companies, but I need to. I have to make my living. Years ago I launched a YT channel in which I teach programming and related stuff, and I get some revenue to pay some of the bills. But I still feel I'm worthless because I never had a REAL job like others. Maybe I should stop comparing myself to others. I feel luck/God was never on my side. Many of mixed negative feelings circling around my head :(

Thank you for the support <3 sending you hugs and love :)

 

[whywere]

Hello Walter,

life is hard, I don't know how to manage it :(

Life can sometimes SUCK and it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel BUT..BUT life has a really funny way of doing things sometimes and take that aspect and interject that YOU are 1) smart 2) confident 3) and you have all of us here to help you along the way. You are NEVER EVER alone, you have your family here and you can pm me anytime, I really care about you and only want the best in life for you. Being 65 gives me life experience that I had to obtain the hard way of making so many mistakes over 47 years. You WILL be great and you ARE part of the global family here so you are NEVER EVER alone. I believe in YOU 100% now and forever. I am in the Midwest in the U.S. I would love to help you if you want/need it. We are 1 family here period, when 1 family member hurts we all do. Walter

 

[nopointofliving]

You WILL be great and you ARE part of the global family here so you are NEVER EVER alone. I believe in YOU 100% now and forever

I appreciate your support Walter <3

 

[lonerclown666]

i am loner too it suck dont have no one

 

[whywere]

i am loner too it suck dont have no one

YES you do! You have me and the entire global family here! I maybe 65 years young BUT I still know what a hug, smile and a thoughtful vibe can do for a person! You area great global family member and I cherish having you here! You can always pm me , we ARE family. When you are lonely so am I. Walter (yep like usual, real first nbame, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

 

[nopointofliving]

i am loner too it suck dont have no one

I feel your pain. At least we have SS to express our emotions and pain. Stay strong <3