Feeling at a loss

[Hydrokhoos]

I've always fantasized about suicide by either cutting my wrists or using a shot gun, mostly depending on if I'm feeling more depressed (wrists) or anxious (gun).

Recently I've had this fantasy of locking myself in my bathroom and cutting my wrists, with a note on the door telling my roommate not to come in and just call 911 when he inevitably decides to check in on me. It's really the only thing that's kept a little bit same the past few months.

Well, last night I decided it was time to make that fantasy a reality. I had heard that cutting wrists has a low success rate and decided if I was gonna do it, I wanted to make sure I didn't make the same mistakes those who have survived did. So I researched what to do and ultimately decided against even trying, since it sounded like I had a higher chance of just damaging my tendons and fucking up my tattoos, and I'd just be worse off than I am now.

So now I know not to use that method, but what now? Now I know the fantasy that usually calmed be down isn't a realistic possibility and I don't have my shotgun anymore. I've been on here all day reading other methods and its giving me some ideas, but losing this fantasy is kind of like losing an old friend that's been there for me for years.

It feels silly to be this distraught over finding out the method I wanted isn't going to work.

Can anyone else relate?

 

[sleepy dog]

Yes I can relate. The more research I did, the more I realized even the most reliable methods have less than 100% effectiveness. Even using a gun became doubtful, 82% if done right, 59% at best if done wrong. It goes on and on. There is no 100% method. So the research creates doubts, which create fears of failure, which creates anxiety. Then paralysis by analysis.

 

[Hydrokhoos]

Yes I can relate. The more research I did, the more I realized even the most reliable methods have less than 100% effectiveness. Even using a gun became doubtful, 82% if done right, 59% at best if done wrong. It goes on and on. There is no 100% method. So the research creates doubts, which create fears of failure, which creates anxiety. Then paralysis by analysis.

Exactly. Not doing it right the first time scares me more than death. I would hate to be hospitalized and then forced to live a life with physical impairments or brain damage from a failed attempt.

 

[Mizzmini45]

yes. I know of one person who shot himself and still lived and one that did and died. Nothing is a for sure thing

 

[Hydrokhoos]

yes. I know of one person who shot himself and still lived and one that did and died. Nothing is a for sure thing

I know one girl that survived and half of her face is horribly disfigured now. It's a really sad story. She seems to be doing better but you can tell how hard it is for her.

 

[Mizzmini45]

I know one girl that survived and half of her face is horribly disfigured now. It's a really sad story. She seems to be doing better but you can tell how hard it is for her.

its terrifying