Venting Feeling alone as to how I feel about suicide

[sorrowed_ender]

Been suicidal all my life, have attempted alot before in the past, but I feel pretty alone in how I feel because I'm one of the kinds of people that feel like with enoygh effort, things MAY or WILL get better to me. I dont push around this ideology onto others ofc. I know everyone here has their own reasons to CTB and I respect those who go through with their methods and I wish everyone well when they end up.succeeding. I joined this forum as a way to express my thoughts and I see this place as an excellent, non judgemental outlet for suicidal people... but am I really alone when I think things may get better for myself? I genuinely dont wanna die, I want to be happy and live and take whatever I need/can to recover. I feel like the complete opposite on how everyone feels in this forum, and I hope I dont sound like I'm pushing my beliefs onto others, I'm sorry if I am, I genuinely just want to vent and express my suicidality in a non judgemental way w/o asking for methods or asoing for help on dying and all that haha.

 

[ranaway]

Don't worry; I'm positive there are others here who share your thoughts. There are people who want help in order to live a normal life despite their suffering and they believe things will get better eventually. Please continue to keep your thoughts and hope up, I wish you the best of luck on your journey and your life, whichever route you decide to take. I believe things will get better!

 

[Next-to-Nil]

The Recovery forum proves you're not alone. Not everyone here ends in CTB for better or worse. I'm not expecting improvement myself because its the time passing that makes things worse for me, but I realize that's not everyone's experience. If recovery is what you wish for; I hope you get it. We all suffer too much to wish ill upon each other.

 

[sorrowed_ender]

Don't worry; I'm positive there are others here who share your thoughts. There are people who want help in order to live a normal life despite their suffering and they believe things will get better eventually. Please continue to keep your thoughts and hope up, I wish you the best of luck on your journey and your life, whichever route you decide to take. I believe things will get better!

I genuinely thank you. I see alot of people here saying they do not want the help, they do not want to be saved and want to leave in any way they can, and I understand and respect that, and I honestly wish I could think like those people sometimes. I have definatley wanted to "get worse" because it feels like it's all I deserve, but I do know I want to be okay again. want to be happy again. I feel a lil bit like a minority cus I wanna get better lol

 

[ranaway]

I genuinely thank you. I see alot of people here saying they do not want the help, they do not want to be saved and want to leave in any way they can, and I understand and respect that, and I honestly wish I could think like those people sometimes. I have definatley wanted to "get worse" because it feels like it's all I deserve, but I do know I want to be okay again. want to be happy again. I feel a lil bit like a minority cus I wanna get better lol

To be honest, I do think majority of people here surely want to help if the "help" is effective - just because they are fed up because things like therapy or medication didn't work on them, either those worsen their mental state, they got scammed or it won't really help all the way and they will return to their painful life once more, so they believe that nothing can do to help them now. - for some other people, they don't want to get help because they feel like they don't deserves to be treated as they see themselves as a burden and want to get rid of their life. It's indeed hard to find a right therapist or solutions that can help you, and for the most part, people don't even have enough strength to do it.

I'm happy that you know what you want, is that you really want to be better and live the life you've always wanted, a happy life. I really glad to hear that, I wish that you can eventually find a solution that can truly help you all the way and pain can't get in your life again! Don't give up

 

[FlameWhisperer]

Been suicidal all my life, have attempted alot before in the past, but I feel pretty alone in how I feel because I'm one of the kinds of people that feel like with enoygh effort, things MAY or WILL get better to me. I dont push around this ideology onto others ofc. I know everyone here has their own reasons to CTB and I respect those who go through with their methods and I wish everyone well when they end up.succeeding. I joined this forum as a way to express my thoughts and I see this place as an excellent, non judgemental outlet for suicidal people... but am I really alone when I think things may get better for myself? I genuinely dont wanna die, I want to be happy and live and take whatever I need/can to recover. I feel like the complete opposite on how everyone feels in this forum, and I hope I dont sound like I'm pushing my beliefs onto others, I'm sorry if I am, I genuinely just want to vent and express my suicidality in a non judgemental way w/o asking for methods or asoing for help on dying and all that haha.

I am certain there are others around like so, specially, probably, on the recovery section of SS.

I have yet a third perspective that combines the perspective of those you mention, and yourself: I know it is possible to get better, because I did, I have the proof in my experience, how I was so many years ago VS who I am today, totally different. Yet, I still want to go through CTB, willingly, fully aware of what that means, and fully aware that it can still get better than it is already, and I can accomplish much more.

There will always be so many sides to one thing, nothing is linear, and, something I began to think is majority true: "if you think something, chances are, someone else have thought that before you, and someone else will follow after you".

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that the ones who share your view just post in the "recovery" section, that is the section for those who want to improve their situation and maybe see potential for that to happen. Those who usually post in the suicide section are those who hate life or are in an completely hopeless situation, I think that some people on here wish that they could continue existing but are unable to due to circumstances. But anyway I hope that you find what you are looking for on here. You don't sound like you are pushing your beliefs at all by the way, as you are just talking about your situation in your post.

 

[oh_no191]

I sometimes feel like there is a way to get better for me suicide is just my top option rn. Never feel alone in your experiences because I promise somewhere out there someone is having the same thought or feeling as you are rn.