Grave
tired
- Mar 5, 2021
- 65
Most of my friends have moved away to university, leaving me behind in a shitty situation living with my parents still. I had good relationships whilst at school with my friends but unfortunately due to my bad mental health I was unable to finish school or do my exams so whilst they have all moved on and are getting on with their lives I'm just left behind, stuck in limbo.
I feel so lost and isolated, like no one understands what it's like to be left behind like this. I'm happy for my friends for moving on with their lives as they should be and as normal people do, but it just makes me feel even more worthless and useless.
I wish that I had been able to finish school, that is probably one of my greatest regrets (though it wasn't really my fault because I was involuntarily commited to the psych ward for the majority of the school time), but it just makes it even harder for me to move on with my life as I am struggling to get a job with the few qualifications that I do have, which makes me want to ctb even more as my prospects for the future are bleak.
It feels as if I am stuck in my late teenage years whilst my peers are living as they should.
As sad as this may seem, some of the best interactions I have are with my care team and my psychiatrist, but recently I've been (hopefully temporarily) passed onto a new team who are shit and don't care about me and my needs at all. I know I am lucky to have a good care team normally and I'm grateful for that, but in some ways that makes being passed onto this shit team even more of a disappointment because of the high quality of care I am used to so the juxtaposition is even greater.
I think, most of all, I deeply wish that I was just normal, wasn't autistic, wasn't trans, didn't have mental issues and then maybe I wouldn't want to ctb.
I feel so lost and isolated, like no one understands what it's like to be left behind like this. I'm happy for my friends for moving on with their lives as they should be and as normal people do, but it just makes me feel even more worthless and useless.
I wish that I had been able to finish school, that is probably one of my greatest regrets (though it wasn't really my fault because I was involuntarily commited to the psych ward for the majority of the school time), but it just makes it even harder for me to move on with my life as I am struggling to get a job with the few qualifications that I do have, which makes me want to ctb even more as my prospects for the future are bleak.
It feels as if I am stuck in my late teenage years whilst my peers are living as they should.
As sad as this may seem, some of the best interactions I have are with my care team and my psychiatrist, but recently I've been (hopefully temporarily) passed onto a new team who are shit and don't care about me and my needs at all. I know I am lucky to have a good care team normally and I'm grateful for that, but in some ways that makes being passed onto this shit team even more of a disappointment because of the high quality of care I am used to so the juxtaposition is even greater.
I think, most of all, I deeply wish that I was just normal, wasn't autistic, wasn't trans, didn't have mental issues and then maybe I wouldn't want to ctb.
