Venting Feel so frightened and don’t know when to CTB

[LittleJem]

I feel so frightened. I lost my much-loved job, the guy I like has just been using me and has been really cruel, I'm facing boxes of papers from my marriage filled with mad writing and shameful and sad memories. I can move back in with my family but I have so much to pack. Or do I just pack here then CTB? Every day I'm just crying and traumatised all day and I can't think straight. I don't have anything I'm enjoying or anything left to live for.

I guess the big question is whether/when to CTB. I don't want to be a burden on my family and I am hating living with this mental illness.

 

[TriggerHappy]

You are not alone, the difficulty of facing everyday is driving me insane. I keep busy, listen to music, take a fkg minute at a time. Work at whatever to keep myself exhausted/ busy.
I have plans but they truthfully scare me and seem quite difficult.
Learn from me, going through those journals and boxes will just fuck you up further :: u r who u are right now. Let go of the past, its hard I know but it serves nothing.
I live in recovery, taking 1 day at a time, its kept me alive decades longer than I deserve to be.
Your last line is tattood in my conciousness as my own :: always there but just the level of desperation changes.

 

[rosie93]

I

I feel so frightened. I lost my much-loved job, the guy I like has just been using me and has been really cruel, I'm facing boxes of papers from my marriage filled with mad writing and shameful and sad memories. I can move back in with my family but I have so much to pack. Or do I just pack here then CTB? Every day I'm just crying and traumatised all day and I can't think straight. I don't have anything I'm enjoying or anything left to live for.

I guess the big question is whether/when to CTB. I don't want to be a burden on my family and I am hating living with this mental illness.

Most of us feel frightened. I'm really scared. On the other hand, I'm pretty calm. I think I always knew I was going to do it. Whenever someone asked me where do I see myself in 10, 20 years I couldn't find the answer. It was always 'I don't know. Time will tell'. My mind was always so messed up. Now I finally know my answer.

What I'm saying is, it's ok to feel frightened but you have to be 100% there's no other choice and it was meant to be.

 

[NextSummer]

IMO you should move to your family. Would you accept a family member in your house that otherwise suicides? I hope you would. So you should be ok with them accepting you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering, I understand it is an awful feeling to be in a hopeless situation. I also feel like I have nothing left to live for, my existence is pretty much pointless. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.