Man... I think being so close to death all the time makes all these times serious:..
I'm waiting on my meds to knock me out at 7pm and I could go on about the problems I'm dealing with and the steps I'm taking but truthfully my brain and I area OVER IT.
I haven't fought death this hard in a bit but I'm honestly very clear on where I stand.
It's taking all of me.
I'm so out of it in that usual way but I could plan my death perfectly right now. I know moving means nothing bc it's such a hard wait for nothing. It's a little wait for the smallest thing. It means a bit but not enough and I'm at a point where I am dying just having to wait to die.
Just needs see a few days out and see some "good" things come through.
It literally doesn't matter though. This is it. I can finally drown and see myself to a death by drowning. I can live and die all at the same time.
It is heavy tho.
I kno when I wake i won't feel better or even more rested I'm just hoping for a different tomorrow. I will empty myself in effort. Then at least it's justified when I go.
This may be coming across incoherent for a number of reasons. Sue me
