Fear of people

[whatevs]

How many of you have social anxiety?

It has limited my life so much. The worst part is that I don't think that it's completely unwarranted. It's true that when I get loose I sometimes will say insulting crap or act like a clown. But tell me, is it worth to never act like a clown or offend someone having to be your whole life inauthentic and afraid?

 

[Sanva]

yeah same, I'm autistic so I feel like most of the time when I do say something it's incoherent rambling or just weird shit that nobody cares about.

as a kid i was totally unaware that my words could hurt people so i often made other kids cry without even intending to->was treated like a monster because adults thought i was doing it on purpose. that's where my fear of offending people comes from, i constantly overthink what i say because of that.

But tell me, is it worth to never act like a clown or offend someone having to be your whole life inaunthetic and afraid?

probably not but it's hard to get out of that pattern when you've been doing it all life

 

[faex42]

I have had Social Anxiety/Agoraphobia for decades. I am not able to speak to your question directly but when friends or loved ones are bullied or attacked I act recklessly to defend them. I do find that I can have a limited patience for other people because I am really most comfortable when I'm alone and my anxiety increases when there are sudden intrusions especially from people I care deeply about it. I am not out to hurt them but it certainly comes across that way. I've worked hard to control it but it is indeed hard to change.

 

[Somber]

How many of you have social anxiety?

It has limited my life so much. The worst part is that I don't think that it's completely unwarranted. It's true that when I get loose I sometimes will say insulting crap or act like a clown. But tell me, is it worth to never act like a clown or offend someone having to be your whole life inauthentic and afraid?

- You have social anxiety, yet you feel like you are authentic and unafraid?
- Unless you act clownish or offend somebody you're inauthentic and afraid?

Not sure if that's what you're saying?
The former seems to be a contradictio in terminis.
The latter is simply not who I am. I have no desire to insult anyone, not sober and not when under the influence of whatever created that looseness you refer to.

 

[whatevs]

Hahahaha, do you have a vendetta against me or something like that? English isn't my first language but it's easy to surmise what the gist of the thread is.

I'll be patient and explain myself. Those with social anxiety live in fear of having a "social faux pass". When you don't watch your steps and act natural, those will naturally arise, be in the form of embarrassing behavior or objectionable comments.

There was never an indication in the opening statement that I act like a clown or offend people ALWAYS but that I FEAR doing so, and sometimes when I "get loose" socially that does happen.

It's sooo strange how you just assume I am under "an influence". Hahaha this is interesting, wtf.

 

[Crazy4u]

I don't know if I have social anxiety or have a strange personality. It is probably the latter. I don't get so anxious unless there is a big gathering or there is something off about the person I'm dealing with. Generally, I don't care much for people especially after COVID. I also feel old so I don't care what they think of me or say about me.

I might have had social anxiety when I was younger. I don't remember many details about my life. It was fake and unbelievable. I don't recognize my younger self so much.

 

[Foresight]

I have social anxiety and I know what you mean. It's not that if I act authentic I'm a complete joke that offends people, but if I act authentically I open myself up to possibly offending someone or being made fun of for my true self. That's as opposed to always trying to act "right" to appease. We all have a persona and a persona is important for socializing, but if your persona is void of every aspect of you it becomes kind of empty.

 

[Pallf]

I'm scared of pissing people off, even here. I like to think I'm always annoying others, I can tur them fix it by correcting myself needlessly

 

[someonelse]

I have pretty bad social anxiety. I always worry I've said something to offend someone or that I'm being rude without realizing it. I still beat myself up for things I awkwardly said as a teenager (I'm 44).

I'm bipolar so I've also experienced the opposite when manic: extreme outgoingness, confidence, chattiness with strangers. I really prefer that but it's always fleeting.

 

[Seiba]

I have to take beta blockers to sell plasma or my pulse will be too high. I've also generally been very quiet in whatever social situations I've been forced in. My nervousness is more primal than thinking based -- largely likely due to the homeschooling. Before I was pulled out, I was very quiet and otherwise never spoke to other people. When I was younger I wanted a job where I didn't have to socialize in much capacity. I don't desire to be around others so it doesn't bother me too much since I'm alone the majority of the time, but whenever I'm forced around others it's a problem to an extent.

 

[Istanbulite]

Actually I'm very good with socialising. I love people, I need to know new people constantly.

But past lockdowns in this country ruined me, fucked my abilities...it was so strict, police were everywhere. so I'm not going out as often as before for different reasons...

 

[Sherri]

I can't stand being around many people, like malls I don't use public transport, avoid crowded areas, always paranoid, feel like everyone is watching or looking at me. Feel more confident when I have someone with me though.

 

[SoVeryDone]

I agree with the clown thing @Somber, it is like you are wanting to be yourself but it is an act. I get it.
I mess up in talking everyday but I must continue for supporting many adults and a child. I want to be a fun person but it comes out wrong. Oh well. Like my friend I used to have used to say... Just f. em. What do they matter in the scheme of things anyway.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

If you're too honest people may come to dislike you, is what I've thought. However even rude honest people are generally well-liked as long as their sense of humor is good. If you force yourself into social situations you naturally improve on anxiety. It's like there's too many people with an opinion of you to care about all of them.

 

[SoVeryDone]

@whatevs my comment previous. Lol... See?
But yeah, this is so true. I was literally imprisoned by anxiety until life circumstances forced me to work in a position where I am the 'leader' 8 hrs a day. It does change you. I still suffer but I play the part well. Lol. Fake it til u make it. Sorta.

 

[whatevs]

@whatevs my comment previous. Lol... See?
But yeah, this is so true. I was literally imprisoned by anxiety until life circumstances forced me to work in a position where I am the 'leader' 8 hrs a day. It does change you. I still suffer but I play the part well. Lol. Fake it til u make it. Sorta.

This is encouraging! Thanks!

 

[Somber]

@whatevs @SoVeryDone

No vendetta, I actually quite like you.
Just trying to figure out what you meant.

So you are saying you can't be yourself because you are afraid of saying/doing something socially unacceptable, which you perceive as being inauthentic.

Most people have masks for different social occasions that combined are a form of etiquette on how people want to be treated under certain circumstances (work, family, friends, funerals, weddings).

If you work in the service industry and you need to be nice to a person you consider annoying that might be considered inauthentic but it's part of the job.
I do work related phone calls on a daily basis and I always need to sound friendly. That might not be authentic, but I try to put myself in the position of the client and their expectation of the service.

At a babyshower I'm not going to tell the parents that they have an ugly baby even if I think so, because what good could come from that.

If you are among friends you'll be permitted to express a wider range of opinions than on a funeral for example (all dead people are good people apparently).

If you feel socially anxious because of the way you are expected to adapt to such changing circumstances then know that everyone else does so too.

That being said I still get panic attacks whenever I need to go out to formal dinners, but that probably stems from food allergies I had only recently diagnosed.

 

[SoVeryDone]

OK, first of all.. Why be judgemental and call another human being out for their feelings. We all have value. F what others feel. I appreciate the opinions but I feel a need to give kindness in this forum of people above all. @whatevez was expressing a feeling which I and many can empathize with. I hope you get better with ur allergy issue. It can be super tough. It can affect everything from brain to bone. Thankfully you have the ability, I hope, to get medical attn. M
Love to all
And hey, I'll never stop being that clown We all need to laugh a bit in this world!

 

[faex42]

I think people should talk about their own social anxiety not what other people post.
In the past I had full blown attacks in social situations, especially speaking. The problem nowadays isn't so much the panic attacks which I can control with medications if need be, the problem is all the avoidance behaviors I engage in to avoid social interactions that don't seeem threatening but cause lower intensity anxiety which leads
to canceling with one lame excuse or another. Panic attacks are very dramatic but the social avoidance is just as harmful to my well being.

 

[Pluto]

I have social anxiety and generally cope by minimising what I say to others. It's hard to distinguish whether the root cause is having a completely different world-view that risks triggering others - even being pro-choice, for example - versus lacking confidence due to unpleasant past experiences. You might find that there are skills you can practice to improve upon the situation if you research the topic.

 

[whatevs]

I have social anxiety and generally cope by minimising what I say to others. It's hard to distinguish whether the root cause is having a completely different world-view that risks triggering others - even being pro-choice, for example - versus lacking confidence due to unpleasant past experiences. You might find that there are skills you can practice to improve upon the situation if you research the topic.

Yeah, very interesting, definitely having very unpopular or unheard-of opinions/lifestyles plays a role in having social anxiety, as experience shows that conflicts arise frequently as a result. If you are really different then social anxiety isn't a mental disorder, you are just logically preparing for clashes and snubbing by being tense.

 

[whatevs]

No vendetta, I actually quite like you.
Just trying to figure out what you meant.

Thinking that people are trying to attack me when they aren't is part of why I am socially anxious. Though it was still bizarre that you thought I was a drunk or something like that. I am actually quite polite and restrained most of the time in real life, but when I let my guard down some parts of my personality that aren't that agreeable come up. Specifically mocking others, I was taught this by my father and the Internet.

I wish I could drink sometimes, though. My sleep problems make impossible drinking, I feel immediately headachey and sleepy with a beer. 10 years ago, when I slept good and wasn't living in constant hungover alcohol completely took away my social anxiety.

 

[Somber]

Thinking that people are trying to attack me when they aren't is part of why I am socially anxious. Though it was still bizarre that you thought I was a drunk or something like that. I am actually quite polite and restrained most of the time in real life, but when I let my guard down some parts of my personality that aren't that agreeable come up. Specifically mocking others, I was taught this by my father and the Internet.

I wish I could drink sometimes, though. My sleep problems make impossible drinking, I feel immediately headachey and sleepy with a beer. 10 years ago, when I slept good and wasn't living in constant hungover alcohol completely took away my social anxiety.

I'm not natively English myself so maybe it just got lost in translation. I understand now that you meant 'relaxed' instead of 'loose'. The latter I associate with some type of intoxication.

 

[SoVeryDone]

@whatevs like forget all these ppls
You have a right to your own feelings.

I'm not natively English myself so maybe it just got lost in translation. I understand now that you meant 'relaxed' instead of 'loose'. The latter I associate with some type of intoxication.

So try kindness first. Love to you.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I have horrible social anxiety, I don't approach people anymore and I stay to myself I wait for others to come to me. I can't read social cues either and I can't create my own conversations I hate it