Venting Fear of hospitalisation

[Lara Francis]

Its crazy to think that my fate is dependant on the decisions of others.
I have experienced times on a psych ward and wouldnt say they were too bad but not an experience i would welcome again.

I hated the confinement,constant monitoring and restrictions put on you.
The sound of keys and locked doors being opened and closed.The nurses telling u when to eat and repeat themselves by asking patients to stand in the mile long line for meds!
All the people involved in my care are worried about d day.The day when life becomes a possibility or death is waiting.

I fear that ,even if i looked composed and take the disappointment of the situation as maturely as possible (if this is the outcome) i will not b trusted to keep myself safe,which is completely true of course but i dont want them to think that.

I am becoming more anxious every day and live a life that is on hold and at the mercy of others.
I think the only hell is that hell we call life or just exsistence and heaven is a place of freedom and peace.

 

[Ln42]

I am sorry you have this hanging over your head. The not knowing must be awful.
I don't have any clever advice but I wanted to say I hear you and can relate to the fear of hospitalization, particularly the long drug queue that seemed to take forever every evening!

 

[AngelGirl]

I hate being hospitalized for the same reason. They monitor you and watch every single thing you do. they have power to punish you if you don't behave.

You feel so out of control. I think it was especially a bad experience for me because one of the reasons why I feel so depressed is because I feel like I can't control my life and I can't do what I want to do. I want to take control over my life, the decisions I make. I feel like it's not worth living if you can't do that.

But then they hospitalized me, making an already suicidal person even more suicidal.
They do not care if you actually kill yourself. You are just a joke to them.
Being in an environment like that and they have power to control you is just too much for me to handle

 

[SinisterKid]

Once was enough for me. I swore then, I am never going back there. I either get on with living or get on with dying, but a psych ward is not a option.

But you are going to get through this and get your son back and find a way to get on with living, I just know it. You are a good person and a good mother and anyone who thinks otherwise has no idea what the flying fuck they are talking about.

Please hang in there until you know one way or the other.

 

[TAW122]

I feel the same way too. Whenever I talk to anyone with the authority to use involuntary force on me against me (should I ever mention the magic phrases or words), then I would NEVER open up. I'm not going to give them the power or any cause for them to lock me up against my will. It is ironic how this isn't considered illegal, especially kidnapping and extortion (in the US, various countries, they charge you for the services and treatment they force on you). Yet when a suspected criminal commits a crime, at least he/she has rights and is able to go through trial, to fight against the charges levied against him/her.

either get on with living or get on with dying, but a psych ward is not a option.

I had this philosophy and mentality since the last few years of my life, even before the subreddit SS got banned. In fact, I've exercised this mentality in the last few years, most recently, just a few months ago. I arrived at a crossroad junction (metaphorically) in my life, and that was when I decided whether I was going to get on with living or get one with dying, depending on the outcome of a particular event/goal). I got on with living (for now) because I managed to succeed in what I was pursuing at that time. Had I failed then, I would have CTB in May.