Michael_the_ratman
Member
- Jul 20, 2024
- 33
I want/wanted to be a doctor but the studies to become a doctor scare me so much. I feel like I am too stupid to be a doctor. My parents always told me that I have the potential, that I'm one of the smartest, that I have good organization, good concentration, good planning… I feel like they are overestimating me, after all they are my parents. I think depression fucked me up, because I struggle to study and even concentrate. I've told everyone I wanted to be a doctor so it's hard to go back and say that I don't want to. Everyone believes in me, but I really don't.
I also hate school, being the "weird, trans, satanist and nerdy" student. I'm not even satanist! People always talk bad about me in my back. I feel like people are constantly judging me, laughing at me, imagining stuff… I bet I'm a joke in a group of bitchy girls. I have few friends and usually they aren't in my classes so I look even more like a friendless looser. I can't defend myself, I'm short with no muscles. I can't tell someone because I am "not bullied enough" for it to count (at least in my eyes).
I genuinely can't take it, I wanna ctb before college starts again… I don't want to ever go again. I wake up drenched in sweat at night just thinking about it.
I also hate school, being the "weird, trans, satanist and nerdy" student. I'm not even satanist! People always talk bad about me in my back. I feel like people are constantly judging me, laughing at me, imagining stuff… I bet I'm a joke in a group of bitchy girls. I have few friends and usually they aren't in my classes so I look even more like a friendless looser. I can't defend myself, I'm short with no muscles. I can't tell someone because I am "not bullied enough" for it to count (at least in my eyes).
I genuinely can't take it, I wanna ctb before college starts again… I don't want to ever go again. I wake up drenched in sweat at night just thinking about it.