Fear about going back to college

[Michael_the_ratman]

I want/wanted to be a doctor but the studies to become a doctor scare me so much. I feel like I am too stupid to be a doctor. My parents always told me that I have the potential, that I'm one of the smartest, that I have good organization, good concentration, good planning… I feel like they are overestimating me, after all they are my parents. I think depression fucked me up, because I struggle to study and even concentrate. I've told everyone I wanted to be a doctor so it's hard to go back and say that I don't want to. Everyone believes in me, but I really don't.

I also hate school, being the "weird, trans, satanist and nerdy" student. I'm not even satanist! People always talk bad about me in my back. I feel like people are constantly judging me, laughing at me, imagining stuff… I bet I'm a joke in a group of bitchy girls. I have few friends and usually they aren't in my classes so I look even more like a friendless looser. I can't defend myself, I'm short with no muscles. I can't tell someone because I am "not bullied enough" for it to count (at least in my eyes).

I genuinely can't take it, I wanna ctb before college starts again… I don't want to ever go again. I wake up drenched in sweat at night just thinking about it.

 

[Milo100]

Bless you on that. I do feel for you on this. it is very hard to fit in with life. You kinda remind me of that trans girl who was killed just for being trans. She was cute as well I fear this country is not very understanding of different genders in life. I've often wondered what it would be like to date a trans person and to actually be in a relationship with them. I I've struggled to be in relationships with girls in life. I've not even tried having a boyfriend. But some how I like the idea of a trans girlfriend. Yes I know what that means when it comes to the gender part in life but honestly I don't care about it. I just wanted to be loved in life. Never had it. Never been properly in love with someone. I first started realizing I had a thing for trans girls when I signed up onto a site witch showed a trans girl woman called Daisy Taylor. And she was still pre op. I liked her alot. And that's when I started knowing I liked trans people. Hope this helps in some ways. Xx

 

[Michael_the_ratman]

Bless you on that. I do feel for you on this. it is very hard to fit in with life. You kinda remind me of that trans girl who was killed just for being trans. She was cute as well I fear this country is not very understanding of different genders in life. I've often wondered what it would be like to date a trans person and to actually be in a relationship with them. I I've struggled to be in relationships with girls in life. I've not even tried having a boyfriend. But some how I like the idea of a trans girlfriend. Yes I know what that means when it comes to the gender part in life but honestly I don't care about it. I just wanted to be loved in life. Never had it. Never been properly in love with someone. I first started realizing I had a thing for trans girls when I signed up onto a site witch showed a trans girl woman called Daisy Taylor. And she was still pre op. I liked her alot. And that's when I started knowing I liked trans people. Hope this helps in some ways. Xx

Thank you for your nice words! It's prett rare to see people opened to dating trans so I'm happy to see someone who wants! I know a little about dating as a transperson so if you want I can tell you. PM me (only if you want) !!

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I want/wanted to be a doctor but the studies to become a doctor scare me so much. I feel like I am too stupid to be a doctor. My parents always told me that I have the potential, that I'm one of the smartest, that I have good organization, good concentration, good planning… I feel like they are overestimating me, after all they are my parents. I think depression fucked me up, because I struggle to study and even concentrate. I've told everyone I wanted to be a doctor so it's hard to go back and say that I don't want to. Everyone believes in me, but I really don't.

I also hate school, being the "weird, trans, satanist and nerdy" student. I'm not even satanist! People always talk bad about me in my back. I feel like people are constantly judging me, laughing at me, imagining stuff… I bet I'm a joke in a group of bitchy girls. I have few friends and usually they aren't in my classes so I look even more like a friendless looser. I can't defend myself, I'm short with no muscles. I can't tell someone because I am "not bullied enough" for it to count (at least in my eyes).

I genuinely can't take it, I wanna ctb before college starts again… I don't want to ever go again. I wake up drenched in sweat at night just thinking about it.

I understand your feelings, having a lot of people believe in you even though you don't believe in yourself. Becoming a doctor is really difficult, try to remember that even if you don't end up going on that path it doesn't mean you're a failure or that you don't have other options. I also felt like a loser when I was in university because I didn't really have friends or talk much to my classmates, but if it makes you feel better, it's very unlikely that anyone else notices or cares. They're all too wrapped up in their own lives most of the time.

 

[Themogger]

Where I am, college means uni. I'm not sure if it's the same where you are... But I also don't wanna go back. I've gotten sick and tired of everything. Living isn't realistic if I don't get a degree. I can't be a burden to society and my family. I wouldn't even want to live such a life