Keppy
Member
- Aug 10, 2023
- 22
Hi everyone.
My online persona is Keppy - I'm 19 F from a big city in the UK. For all I'm 19 - I try to live in my childhood. I play Mario Kart Wii frequently, listen to 2010 music, play Habbo Hotel. I'm much more accustomed to online relationships as opposed to those in real life. Part of this is because of my dysfunctional family and how I much prefer having friendships with people who do not know my face and cannot judge me.
My mum had cancer when I was 4 and though she survived, has never really moved on. She has really bad episodes of bipolar where she's really happy and loving and caring, to where she wishes I was never born. Her sister died on 22nd July - and she has been a mess since. It's become unbareable. A memory that sticks out for me most with my mum is when she wanted to call her sister off my phone which I paid for - and when I said no, she said I would wake up without a mother and brother. She was going to kill herself. She kicked me out the same night and I now live with my Grandma who for all is a lot more calmer, is just as resentful and bitter about the past as my mother is. They do not talk to one another, in fact, nobody in the family really gets along. I just try to be an octopus and maintain individual bonds with them.
The only normal one is my aunty who took herself away from the family due to the toxicity. She has encouraged me for years to step back and leave the family which I know would benefit me. I just dread the fear of abandonment and knowing it was of my own doing would consume me.
I have a lovely group of 3 friends, H, N and J. They are the kindest and funniest girls I have ever met. And I have my school friends, A, F and C. They're my oldest friends since high school and I love our twisted humour. I seek family in friends. Since I don't have a great mother figure, I take attributes from my friends and aspire to be like them. H for example, is extremely outgoing and adventurous, and that's a trait I take from her. N is very sensible and calm, she's very thoughtful and doesn't jump to confrontation, which H does. So I take a mature and sensible approach to my life from N. etc. So essentially, I've got an imaginary Frankenstein of a mother figure. These 3 women in their 30s have provided me in their own way with different traits and perspectives.
I feel very fortunate to be in a very well paying job for my age. I've got a new, expensive car, I've got quite a few thousand in my savings account. I'm not ugly by any means, I'm considered above average appearance wise. I've got a beautiful slim and petite body, blonde, blue eyes. Life is going great on the outside, but it's just the internal battle with my family I am struggling to bear.
I don't want to die by any means - but the pain and baggage of my family is becoming almost too much to handle. I'm considering disappearing someone. Maybe booking a one way ticket to somewhere a far, possibly out of Europe. I just need to find peace somewhere, somehow.
My online persona is Keppy - I'm 19 F from a big city in the UK. For all I'm 19 - I try to live in my childhood. I play Mario Kart Wii frequently, listen to 2010 music, play Habbo Hotel. I'm much more accustomed to online relationships as opposed to those in real life. Part of this is because of my dysfunctional family and how I much prefer having friendships with people who do not know my face and cannot judge me.
My mum had cancer when I was 4 and though she survived, has never really moved on. She has really bad episodes of bipolar where she's really happy and loving and caring, to where she wishes I was never born. Her sister died on 22nd July - and she has been a mess since. It's become unbareable. A memory that sticks out for me most with my mum is when she wanted to call her sister off my phone which I paid for - and when I said no, she said I would wake up without a mother and brother. She was going to kill herself. She kicked me out the same night and I now live with my Grandma who for all is a lot more calmer, is just as resentful and bitter about the past as my mother is. They do not talk to one another, in fact, nobody in the family really gets along. I just try to be an octopus and maintain individual bonds with them.
The only normal one is my aunty who took herself away from the family due to the toxicity. She has encouraged me for years to step back and leave the family which I know would benefit me. I just dread the fear of abandonment and knowing it was of my own doing would consume me.
I have a lovely group of 3 friends, H, N and J. They are the kindest and funniest girls I have ever met. And I have my school friends, A, F and C. They're my oldest friends since high school and I love our twisted humour. I seek family in friends. Since I don't have a great mother figure, I take attributes from my friends and aspire to be like them. H for example, is extremely outgoing and adventurous, and that's a trait I take from her. N is very sensible and calm, she's very thoughtful and doesn't jump to confrontation, which H does. So I take a mature and sensible approach to my life from N. etc. So essentially, I've got an imaginary Frankenstein of a mother figure. These 3 women in their 30s have provided me in their own way with different traits and perspectives.
I feel very fortunate to be in a very well paying job for my age. I've got a new, expensive car, I've got quite a few thousand in my savings account. I'm not ugly by any means, I'm considered above average appearance wise. I've got a beautiful slim and petite body, blonde, blue eyes. Life is going great on the outside, but it's just the internal battle with my family I am struggling to bear.
I don't want to die by any means - but the pain and baggage of my family is becoming almost too much to handle. I'm considering disappearing someone. Maybe booking a one way ticket to somewhere a far, possibly out of Europe. I just need to find peace somewhere, somehow.
