Venting Family issues

[Serio]

No matter what I'm blamed for everything and everyone is constantly out to get me or pick a fight with me…. I hate it so much when my moms boyfriend would hit her (this is when I was 16-17)she would tell me it was all my fault Bc I would make him mad I was told so many things were my fault my dad would blame me for stuff and never take accountability…. And still won't and it makes me cry and so upset every time Bc I can't feel that special father daughter connection with him ever Bc he will never take accountability for example I tried to talk to him abt things he did that hurt me in the past/present and he tells me it never happened or that he did it because of my mom etc and then tells me that I'm hurting him and starts yelling at me and being like why are u doing this to me and freaking out on me whenever I'm upset with him and I try to talk to him and tell him what he did to upset me or things that hurt me and he would even laugh in my face sometimes like we would be having a good day then he would start talking abt all the things my brothers and mom did to hurt me when I told him I didnt wanna talk abt that multiple times Bc I'm trying to actually have a relationship with my brothers also and one of them is improving… anyways… so when he would do that I would be like ok well there is stuff u have done to hurt me in my past to and he would start laughing at me and be like "what did I ever do" then I would tell him do u really want me to explain right now and he would be like " sure I doubt you can even name 5" then I would just list off the things like the fact he would never let me do anything I wanted Bc I wasn't allowed to do "masculine" things and he would force me into roles and call me ugly if I ever started working out and stuff then also how he would fight all the time and punch holes in the walls and how one time I had to leave the house Bc I voted for barrack Obama in a MOCK election in middle school…. Then recent stuff like holding items over me… treating me inferior to my sister…. Refused to let me work on getting my license because I wasn't allowed to until my sister had hers…. Caused fights between me and my sister….and he has done so much shit to hurt me and continues to and I keep telling him that I can't handle it and if he keeps this up he's going to b cut off and then he seems like he just doesn't fucking care about me but then cries whenever I want to leave and then he says he loves me but his actions show the opposite I don't know if he doesn't just have comprehension of consequences from actions or he doesn't understand how what he does or says to others can hurt them I really don't know but he refuses to tell his therapist the stuff of how he treats ppl at home sometimes…. And I told him multiple times he needs to do his therapist can help with coping mechanisms so he can talk to me when we have issues and sort them out like adults and it's ok to get help and learn those skills and everything but he just won't listen and then if I want to leave him then I can't Bc he will hold items or money like above me when he knows I'm in need of it…. He even tried stealing my car once Bc my sister crashed hers so I wanted to help her so I signed mine over for her to borrow then when I wanted it back months later my dad started fighting with me and telling me I was wrong for wanting my car back and then all this other stuff… and ugh my dad wasn't even why I felt so upset rn he just popped into my head and then I became upset because I love him and everything but I just feel like he wants to hurt me but he will do anything for my sister Bc she is everything I'm not…. She is a girly girl she likes dresses… and all this other stuff painting nails, long hair etc meanwhile I cut my hair etc and I am more masculine… and my dad is kind of sexist lol… he treated my brothers like shit because they were boys and since they were they would have to be raised like "men" vs women and so I'm pretty sure he whipped them when they were younger and he had them get white power tattoos and all this other fucked shit and then would just b more shitty Bc rhey we're guys…
But he was nicer to me and my sister Bc we were girls giving us flowers every holiday (he didn't do this for my brothers) but then I started becoming more masculine and I wanted to do construction stuff and I wanted him to teach me and he told me no and that I never could and no matter what I did I could never work in construction if I wanted Bc I'm a girl…. He also told me I wasn't allowed to drive motorcycles Bc I'm a girl and if I did then everyone would bully my boyfriend and I would be hurting my bf if I ever had one..:: if I drove. A motorcycle…. And he said it would b my fault and like bruh I was 15 and just wanted to drive a cool motorcycle when I was older And he would always b yelling at my mom which upset me… and he killed my cat now this has just turned into a huge vent abt my dad lmao unexpected…..anyways whenever I would try to
B happy abt something and talk abt my brothers for example he would just tell me that my brothers are horrible ppl and that I shouldn't hang around them ….. and he would do everything to keep
Me away from my brothers and if he found out I hanged with them he would get super jealous and start yelling Bc he didn't want me to hang out with my brothers Bc I could of been hanging with him… and now im
Tired gn…..