Visiting my father and I want to go back home so bad. I constantly clash with him and he rips into me all the time viciously about what he thinks my problems are and references things that have happened to me like being involuntarily committed and quitting jobs and tries to tell ME what my problem is. He acts like I need his help and he has all the answers then calls me close minded and unwilling to listen just because I disagree with him. He says offensive stuff the times I have expressed my desire to go back home because I don't want to deal with him by saying stuff like "idk you might get arrested within 3 months (if you don't listen to me)". He makes judgments about me that are completely false as if he is me and knows exactly what I'm thinking. He keeps repeating that he's so much older than me therefore I ought to listen to him.
In his latest messages to me, he has bitched at me about "ruining his plans" by cancelling my plans to visit him in the past, and coming late this time when he's been busy with work, even though he's the one who has wanted me to come this whole time, and I was hesitant. When I get angry and tell him I don't want to talk to him, he acts like a smartass and denies telling me important information, and saying he will not communicate with me at all even on stuff that I need, like getting my visa renewed so I don't get denied trying to catch a flight home.
Now my mother is denying me coming back home so I am trapped here. I was attending school here and I just want to drop now. Didn't attend class lately because I was sure I was leaving and now that I'm stuck even more chance I'll just fail. They really make me want to just jump off one of the tall buildings around here. Looking down a 9 story drop makes me wonder how anyone has the courage to jump. Bring me into this world and then treat me like I'm not their son. They know I've been suicidal. How the fuck do they think this shits going to affect me? I've told my mother I want to just come back so I can get a job there and move out asap. She isn't responding. She insists I stay here for the college credit even though I'm probably going to get mediocre/failing grades anyways.
In his latest messages to me, he has bitched at me about "ruining his plans" by cancelling my plans to visit him in the past, and coming late this time when he's been busy with work, even though he's the one who has wanted me to come this whole time, and I was hesitant. When I get angry and tell him I don't want to talk to him, he acts like a smartass and denies telling me important information, and saying he will not communicate with me at all even on stuff that I need, like getting my visa renewed so I don't get denied trying to catch a flight home.
Now my mother is denying me coming back home so I am trapped here. I was attending school here and I just want to drop now. Didn't attend class lately because I was sure I was leaving and now that I'm stuck even more chance I'll just fail. They really make me want to just jump off one of the tall buildings around here. Looking down a 9 story drop makes me wonder how anyone has the courage to jump. Bring me into this world and then treat me like I'm not their son. They know I've been suicidal. How the fuck do they think this shits going to affect me? I've told my mother I want to just come back so I can get a job there and move out asap. She isn't responding. She insists I stay here for the college credit even though I'm probably going to get mediocre/failing grades anyways.
