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bored_user

bored_user

one day.
Oct 28, 2021
38
the more time passes, the more the system tries to include me and sometimes I forget my focus. Doing daily obligations, working, having to spend time with other people on a daily basis sometimes deviates from my path. I get stressed because somehow I feel dumber, having to cope and live with the daily system, it distracts me from my focus.

I need to continue with the plan, I have to put an end to this but it's difficult. I try to think the least about my mother, the only person I care about because if I stop to think for 5 minutes how she can be, I would definitely give up on my end...
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,843
Even know we are planning for suicide, life goes on at the same time. In my case I cannot cope with life and that is part of why I want to die. Of course suicide is very difficult, we are programmed to live and survive. It takes a lot of courage to end all the pain once and for all. I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.
 
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Rayzieka

Rayzieka

Not Really Here
Apr 28, 2021
637
If the distractions of life are keeping you from ctb, perhaps you should try to suck as much joy from it until you feel leaving is all there is left.
 
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Bong-Hit-Transplant

Bong-Hit-Transplant

Member
May 11, 2021
84
Totally relate to this. I kind of assumed I would just automatically go through with once I reached a certain point, but even after becoming 100% confident I want to CTB, it's so easy to become distracted by the daily humdrum and just infinitely put off. I think at some point you just have to pick a date and just force yourself to go through the motions if you really feel like you want to do it.
 
stygal

stygal

meow
Oct 29, 2020
1,731
Distraction is a two-edged sword. Having to do mundane tasks (everyone else seems to enjoy somehow?) is time consuming and draining. So draining even that I find no time to actually sit down and think about my method and how much I want to push through with it. Maybe it's just another form of SI?
 
sadbadpsychogirl

sadbadpsychogirl

sonofabitch
May 29, 2020
725
illusions are by nature, false
 
bored_user

bored_user

one day.
Oct 28, 2021
38
If the distractions of life are keeping you from ctb, perhaps you should try to suck as much joy from it until you feel leaving is all there is left.
for a moment I thought the same thing. Maybe I have to suck everything up until there's nothing left, but for that I would have to at some point to have a relationship with someone, even if it's just a little conversation to get what I want. The problem is there, my hatred for society and for human beings prevents me from carrying out such actions... I don't know how to proceed.
 
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