Venting Failure at everything, including suicide. Why.

[lostchild]

There are so many people who have committed suicide. So many people know people who have done it.

Yet when tried; multiple times, despite having literally no reason not to do it, every reason to do it, and nothing but misery awaiting if backed away; it was impossible.

No matter how long time was spent stood balanced on the railing or sat with the comfort of the noose around the neck. (partial hanging. Too much of a shitty disgusting coward to do a painful method.) couldn't do it. Wanted to. More than anything. Suicide is the only comforting thought. Nothing waiting, no home to return to. The brain uses every excuse it can to get you to stop, and you fear it deeply but only when youre about to.

Why so much of a failure that can't even do something everyone else has already done.

It's almost like all this "misery" and "pain" that is "complained" about by the self is all brought upon the self. If it REALLY wanted to stop the pain, it would hurry up and ctb already. But no. Sticks around for no reason. Like a demon who's only purpose is to make life living hell for everyone around it by refusing to leave. The mere presence is a virus and a tragedy. Pure evil.

(No intention to harm others. These words apply to the self, not to others reading.)

 

[signifying nothing]

(No intention to harm others. These words apply to the self, not to others reading.)

I think herein lies at least part of your problem - you apply this way of thinking on yourself, but not on others.

 

[WornOutLife]

I've failed 4 times to ctb so I can relate. It's frustrating but it seems I will never be able to do it unless I hire a hitman.

 

[Predestinated]

I've failed 4 times to ctb so I can relate. It's frustrating but it seems I will never be able to do it unless I hire a hitman.

Angelina Jolie tried it with a hitman

 

[SmellyRat]

I don't think you should be putting all this pressure on yourself.

Most people are cowards it's just human nature to fear death.

Just accept you have a strong survival instinct, and try make life tolerable until you are ready.

 

[lostchild]

I think herein lies at least part of your problem - you apply this way of thinking on yourself, but not on others.

Well,wouldn't want to call other people "demons" for not committing suicide. It would be very cruel and dom't think it. Believe the self is someone unbearable, unlike others in general.