Story Failing to CTB a lesson in life

[Dead beat dad]

So of the 3 times I've tried to CTB, twice I bottled out and once I was found/ saved.
I was hospitalised and went through therapy and feigned recovery and secretly plotted for the next time (a story that some here can probably relate to).
Any way life and time sort of got in the way and things got better for a bit and there were ups and downs and I found myself in the realms of serious 'adulting.'
One of my tasks was to buy a house, a condition of which required me also to have a bunch of insurance, which given my history of mental health made the cost ASTRONOMICAL!
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that no one plans to fail when the attempt to CTB but keeping it in the DL in case you fail would have had a longer term benefit for me.
Peace everyone.
DBD

 

[dandan]

"twice I bottled out and once I was found/ saved" ?? Bottled aout?

What's bottled out? Nembutal??

good luck

 

[Dead beat dad]

"twice I bottled out and once I was found/ saved" ?? Bottled aout?

What's bottled out? Nembutal??

good luck

Bottled out = lost my nerve

 

[Walilamdzi]

@Dead beat dad Sorry that you had to go through that, I don't think hospitalisation is ever a pleasant experience and sometimes it can be one of the worst experiences possible! Was it the same method you attempted with each time?

@dandan It's idiomatic (maybe specifically to Britain): "If you say that someone has bottled it, you mean that they have lost their courage at the last moment and have not done something they intended to do."

 

[Lonely Twin Angel]

I failed to ctb twice. Both times I used pills. Once I was found and the other time I was caught. I ended up in the hospital twice and lost my job twice because of it and now it's harder for me to get a job. I dont have the greatest references anymore. I guess employers are just like everyone else in the world and they dont want to deal with suicidal employees. That could ruin their reputation or interrupt their production.

 

[dandan]

I failed to ctb twice. Both times I used pills. Once I was found and the other time I was caught. I ended up in the hospital twice and lost my job twice because of it and now it's harder for me to get a job. I dont have the greatest references anymore. I guess employers are just like everyone else in the world and they dont want to deal with suicidal employees. That could ruin their reputation or interrupt their production.

Well yeah, I supposedly got a girl pregnant and supposedly my baby was born and the girl told me and I went nuts, lost my head , my boss offered me counseling I was devasted, I would have been fired .... Easily ... I was depressed, suicidal and looked likes shit.....
But the baby wasn't mine and I got it together... But again I'm down, confused, trying to think my best way out

 

[Dead beat dad]

@Dead beat dad Sorry that you had to go through that, I don't think hospitalisation is ever a pleasant experience and sometimes it can be one of the worst experiences possible! Was it the same method you attempted with each time?

@dandan It's idiomatic (maybe specifically to Britain): "If you say that someone has bottled it, you mean that they have lost their courage at the last moment and have not done something they intended to do."

First time (and most 'successful' and I was found) which landed me in hospital I mixed chlorine gas inside a greenhouse.
Then drug od and partial hanging which I bottled.
This whole conundrum brought me here, above anything is my desire for peace and I reckon SN will be my method.
Peace brother
DBD