Failing college, no motivation or direction. Feels like the end

[manta]

Hey guys. Just need to mope for a bit.

I am a junior in college at the moment, studying Computer Science. Currently i'm taking algorithms, one of the most important classes of my major and I have a 59, my last exam I got a 43 on. I can't bring myself to do any assignments or study for any tests. I simply have no interest in the subjects anymore. I live with my dad and commute to school and I hate every minute of going to class and being on campus. The last 3 semesters I've withdrawn from half of my classes because i'd just be too tired to finish. I feel so much guilt because going to college is a privilege and it feels like I am just blowing it.

I am honestly not sure what to do anymore. I'd like to leave school, but my family expects me to finish the degree and get that sweet sweet office job that I do not care about or want. I probably sound a little spoiled lol. I'm just at the end of my rope right now and I think about CTB every day. School was honestly all I had until I lost the motivation to continue.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Sulyya]

It's not about being spoiled or something - it sounds like you're afflicted, maybe depression or something else. Have you talked to someone about it?

 

[BloomingStrella]

Wow. Sounds incredibly tough. I can't even begin to imagine how much pain you must be in - but I agree with Sulyya. Talking to someone about it, no matter how insignificant it may seem, might actually be a good start. Talking sometimes has a weird therapeutic effect for some reason. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[OceanBlue]

You're onto something.. it's incredibly pointless. Maybe changing the major could help? Some people try out a few before they start "enjoying" their studies. If you end up living longer, your life will be easier if you jump on this career train.

 

[manta]

It's not about being spoiled or something - it sounds like you're afflicted, maybe depression or something else. Have you talked to someone about it?

Yeah I do have depression and I see a therapist for it. I've told dad about this earlier this year too

You're onto something.. it's incredibly pointless. Maybe changing the major could help? Some people try out a few before they start "enjoying" their studies. If you end up living longer, your life will be easier if you jump on this career train.

I've wanted to. It would prolong graduation a bit but may be worth it. Worried it'll be the same story with another major though

Thank you for the replies and advice

 

[Alfarooq]

Hey guys. Just need to mope for a bit.

I am a junior in college at the moment, studying Computer Science. Currently i'm taking algorithms, one of the most important classes of my major and I have a 59, my last exam I got a 43 on. I can't bring myself to do any assignments or study for any tests. I simply have no interest in the subjects anymore. I live with my dad and commute to school and I hate every minute of going to class and being on campus. The last 3 semesters I've withdrawn from half of my classes because i'd just be too tired to finish. I feel so much guilt because going to college is a privilege and it feels like I am just blowing it.

I am honestly not sure what to do anymore. I'd like to leave school, but my family expects me to finish the degree and get that sweet sweet office job that I do not care about or want. I probably sound a little spoiled lol. I'm just at the end of my rope right now and I think about CTB every day. School was honestly all I had until I lost the motivation to continue.

Thanks for reading.

This is exactly what the hell I am going through as well. I have no motivation, no potential for success, and because of my uselessness, I always think of performing CTB but I'm not sure how i am even going to pull it off. I'm also becoming a failure like you, and I don't think I'm going to make it in this cursed world at all, not that I even deserve to live anyway. Life is for successful people and for those who can make use of themselves, not bastards like me. And on top of that it's not my only problem. I seem to have a problem with everyone I know as well. Everyone I know, I have seen the cursed side of them at least once. Not a single soul was nice to me my entire life.

Human beings are cursed. No one helps you become happy in this cursed world, no one cares about your existence, and no one helps you succeed. I have been harassed and offended a lot by many bastards, had many fake friends betray me, and every bastard only cares about themselves. There is no one worth trusting in this planet. Everyone around me is succeeding, and I am tired of being left out. Who will care about your existence? If your not smart enough to to make something useful of yourself in this life, you will not get anywhere. I need to CTB asap. I need to end it all.

 

[JudasIscariot]

I believe education should not be considered a privilege, and that knowledge should be free. However, this would give the more robotic, zombie-like human beings, once again, the upper hand in this society. I relate a lot to your post. Motivation is extremely difficult when academics have never come easy. The public education system has failed so many. They are absolutely a coercive system, in my opinion (yet valuable in certain aspects such as socialization), and I say the same about post-secondary education, as it is of even more objective value than previous education institutions. I don't think you sound spoiled. College is really hard for people who do not recieve the privilege of living on campus. Would it help you if you could learn study skills as well as receiving a tutor? What has helped me is finding bits of passion in subjects I loathed (such as the lack of ambiguity in mathematics, and the education of long developed evolutionary aspects of physical anatomy). I sympathize what you are going through, I hope you can find some solutions or paths to such that work for you.

 

[dreamscape1111]

"You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path. Where there is a way or a path, it is someone else's path. If you follow someone else's way, you are not going to realize your potential."
— Joseph Campbell

"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."
— Joseph Campbell

"My heart is afraid it will have to suffer. Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams."
— Paulo Coelho

 

[Alfarooq]

"You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path. Where there is a way or a path, it is someone else's path. If you follow someone else's way, you are not going to realize your potential."
— Joseph Campbell

"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."
— Joseph Campbell

"My heart is afraid it will have to suffer. Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams."
— Paulo Coelho

What is this trash?

 

[Zegers]

HS/College can be very hard, it is simply not well designed for the wellbeing of the person.

 

[Alfarooq]

HS/College can be very hard, it is simply not well designed for the wellbeing of the person.

That is correct, hard enough to kill your motivation.

 

[dreamscape1111]

for those who have eyes to see ;) @Alfarooq

 

[Alfarooq]

for those who have eyes to see ;) @Alfarooq

Your right. I don't have eyes to see, so I can't see anything, especially success, this is how dumb i am, which is the main reason why I want to CTB.

 

[manta]

"You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path. Where there is a way or a path, it is someone else's path. If you follow someone else's way, you are not going to realize your potential."
— Joseph Campbell

"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."
— Joseph Campbell

"My heart is afraid it will have to suffer. Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams."
— Paulo Coelho

Pretty interesting quotes leaving me much to think about. Thank you

I have been drifting without purpose my whole life honestly. I don't know if I'll find a calling even though I'd like to

The public education system has failed so many. They are absolutely a coercive system, in my opinion (yet valuable in certain aspects such as socialization), and I say the same about post-secondary education, as it is of even more objective value than previous education institutions.

I can attest to this. My state is #49 in education in the USA and I kinda floated through high school depressed as hell without working much at all. I think that lack of work ethic has really came back and bit me in the ass in college where I'm actually expected to work hard.

 

[dreamscape1111]

hey... reflecting on your words and situation as you just did already shows that you do have them, we all do, it just so happens that it's easy to forget how to use them without practice. let's not believe each thought our minds come up with, especially the harsh ones, we do not choose them, they come uninvited and leave just as quickly if we're able to note them as "painful". @Alfarooq

What do I most love to do?

What work doesn't seem like work?

What is my unique ability?

What makes me forget to eat?

If you knew you were going to die one year from now today, what would you do and how would you like to be remembered?

Also, try giving the Myers Briggs and Enneagram Personality tests a shot, they'll help you find your niches more easily.

May you find what you're looking for, the true journey begins when we're lost and don't know where to go anymore, see this as a necessary stepping stone, not the end. @manta

 

[guayabas]

I had to take breaks while I was in college. part of it for me was adhd, I just lose interest at a certain point and need time off. then I go back and it gets easier again. I had the same thing at work happen too. I had a nanny job and I got soooo burnt out even though I loved the kid like my own. Then the family moved to a different house and all my burn out went away. I just needed a change of some sort, it wasn't even about the job. What I'm trying to say is, taking a break or changing things up can help you do better later. I get feeling like that's not an option bc of family though.

 

[OceanBlue]

for those who have eyes to see ;) @Alfarooq

This is delusion, I don't recommend this path.

 

[manta]

This is delusion, I don't recommend this path.

I'm confused. Which path is delusion?

 

[hungry_ghost]

I dropped out of college twice when I was 19/20.

Just wasn't for me.

Didn't want to sit through classes just like I didn't want to sit through high school.

So I ended up joining the military.

If college is not your thing, or CS is not your thing, then change it.

It's YOUR life, not your parents'.

 

[Salvation_]

I'm in the same exact boat... I'm still trying to finish my degree and it's my fifth year already. I'm still not going to graduate for another year. All these delays make me feel hopeless for the "real world" because I sure feel like I'm not getting any guidance. Not to mention that hearing that the CS/tech field is "oversatured" really makes one feel like getting this degree literally won't solve anything. I also have lost love for this major, but an office job sounds good if I'm being honest. Sigh...

 

[manta]

I'm in the same exact boat... I'm still trying to finish my degree and it's my fifth year already. I'm still not going to graduate for another year. All these delays make me feel hopeless for the "real world" because I sure feel like I'm not getting any guidance. Not to mention that hearing that the CS/tech field is "oversatured" really makes one feel like getting this degree literally won't solve anything. I also have lost love for this major, but an office job sounds good if I'm being honest. Sigh...

Yeah I kinda got into CS for a laid back office job. But now that it's around Junior year I've found out that the field is extremely popular and competitive right now. That coupled with my loss of interest for it isn't great. I'm considering switching to an engineering discipline I'd actually enjoy.

 

[Salvation_]

Yeah I kinda got into CS for a laid back office job. But now that it's around Junior year I've found out that the field is extremely popular and competitive right now. That coupled with my loss of interest for it isn't great. I'm considering switching to an engineering discipline I'd actually enjoy.

You should talk it over with your folks, at least you are planning to transfer into another STEM major, so they're much more likely to support it. Other engineering disciplines might be less competitive right now, although anything hardware related has always given me a lot of trouble, haha... I'm planning to stick with mine because I've already come this far. I just want... any job and I know many people get jobs unrelated to their major. It's mostly since my passion is more writing and art but I know that it wouldn't bring any money to the table. If you have a chance of having a passion in a lucrative field, definitely take advantage of it!

 

[manta]

You should talk it over with your folks, at least you are planning to transfer into another STEM major, so they're much more likely to support it. Other engineering disciplines might be less competitive right now, although anything hardware related has always given me a lot of trouble, haha... I'm planning to stick with mine because I've already come this far. I just want... any job and I know many people get jobs unrelated to their major. It's mostly since my passion is more writing and art but I know that it wouldn't bring any money to the table. If you have a chance of having a passion in a lucrative field, definitely take advantage of it!

Yeah you'd be surprised. I've talked to them a few times about civil engineering and the extra few years of school makes them disapprove still.

Good luck finishing school. No doubt you'll be able to find a decent job with a CS degree. The stable salary will allow you to explore your passions as well

 

[manta]

I dropped out of college twice when I was 19/20.

Just wasn't for me.

Didn't want to sit through classes just like I didn't want to sit through high school.

So I ended up joining the military.

If college is not your thing, or CS is not your thing, then change it.

It's YOUR life, not your parents'.

Man I'd love to join the navy. Just not sure if they'd let me since I've taken antidepressants before

 

[hungry_ghost]

Man I'd love to join the navy. Just not sure if they'd let me since I've taken antidepressants before

Don't tell them.

My recruiter told me the same shit.

If you do decide to enlist and you get to MEPS, don't tell them shit about your mental health history.

You can always seek therapy and medication later when you get to advanced training or your first duty station.

 

[Angel_of_nostalgia]

I feel this. I have also had no motivation for college and I'm failing and withdrawing so many of my courses. I've switched majors a few times and still, I can't find the motivation or passion for studying anything anymore. I thought I was alone with this problem. I always try to start my assignments but I just can't do them. I know my financial aid will be cut off soon, and I don't know what to do or how to tell my family about all of it. I'm scared everyone will think I'm a failure or that I'm good for nothing. It's frustrating.. because there's so much pressure to finish college and get a degree that will solve all your financial worries. Knowing that I won't get that degree puts me under a lot of stress and I think about ctb most days too because I don't want to be stuck working jobs I hate for the rest of my life just to get by. Hopefully.. everyone in this situation will be able to figure something else out. I wish you luck.

 

[itsallpointless]

Since you're failing already, try failing at something you like? Coz if you're gonna fail you might as well enjoy it right