One year, 1 month ago I attempted suicide by carbon monoxide method. I don't have to say I failed because I'm here, right? (Lol) Before I make another attempt, I figured I'd sign up here and give my story, hoping it will help another person make a more informed decision. I have been a silent follower of SS since those Reddit days and I greatly appreciate the sense of community. Feel free to ask any question and I'll try my best to answer. I'm not a native English speaker so please bear with me. I will avoid all emotional bullshit related to the event.
Last September I decided to CTB through the CO method. I read every material I could get my hands on. I didn't want to rush or overlook anything so I took my time. I live in a third world country so I couldn't find a CO meter, even a rudimentary one. That was the first challenge but I thought I could do without it. First mistake. So I measured out my room. Luckily I lived in a tiny one so I thought I could take advantage of that. I've since lost all the calculations I used so I'll do some approximations.
The size of the room was about 384 cubic feet( ~ 11 meters cubic). There was furniture in the room which in my view decreased the effective volume I was working with. Next, I bought two small charcoal burners (can't remember the dimensions). I bought a bag of charcoal, a shit ton of alcohol and some codeine based medicine (Here you can buy it over the counter). I then waited for the D-day. I didn't have to wait too long because my life's a mess. I had succeeded in fighting back that survival instinct that makes you pull back at the final moment so I was confident I would successfully CTB.
First, I used duct tape to seal the window and vents. The only possible air inlet at this point was the door, as per my thinking. I then went outside and lit my charcoal burners. I waited until there was no smoke, just red hot flames on the charcoal. I took them inside, locked the door and used duct tape all around the door. I also put wet towels on tge small space between the door and the floor. By this point, the room was getting really hot. I took several spoonfuls of the codeine based medicine and washed it down with the first can of the beer.
I sat upright on the bed(I had heard tales of people choking in vomit which is so unpleasant so this was recommended). I had a laptop playing music in front me because who wants eerie silence in their last moments? I continued taking as much beer as possible hoping it would knock me out and the CO would do the rest. Nice plan, eh?
I have no recollection of what happened in the next 13 hours or so before I woke up with a huge headache. I passed out and woke up around 4 hours later, this time a bit more lucid. (I could see the time thanks to the laptop). This continued for the next 30 hours or so until I was able to get up from the bed. My walking was very unstable and I could not maintain balance. The headache and the nausea were out of this world. I threw up several times until my stomach was completely empty. My physical situation however improved rapidly.
One year later, any long term effects? Very mild but still noticeable. I struggle a bit with finding the right words. A very tiny but noticeable decline in memory and learning new stuff. Also, a loss in hand-eye coordination. The rest is normal stuff associated with depression like zoning out and not feeling "In the moment."
Where could I have gone wrong? I think about this every day. But possible reasons could be:
1) The room had small spaces and therefore leakages that somehow escaped my attention. If you ever want to go with this method, don't leave anything to chance with regard to this. Overlook nothing.
2) Charcoal burners were too small. Again, you'd rather use more than less.
3) The charcoal burned out too fast. Also very possible. Charcoal burns out fast or slow depending on a lot of factors and there's no way of knowing what you're buying at least in my case. For this method you need charcoal that burns slow in order to have a steady release of CO until you CTB.
That is all I can think of. Hope someone finds this helpful. It's been a painful recollection. I also hope nobody ever has to wake up from a failed attempt and face the world again.
Last September I decided to CTB through the CO method. I read every material I could get my hands on. I didn't want to rush or overlook anything so I took my time. I live in a third world country so I couldn't find a CO meter, even a rudimentary one. That was the first challenge but I thought I could do without it. First mistake. So I measured out my room. Luckily I lived in a tiny one so I thought I could take advantage of that. I've since lost all the calculations I used so I'll do some approximations.
The size of the room was about 384 cubic feet( ~ 11 meters cubic). There was furniture in the room which in my view decreased the effective volume I was working with. Next, I bought two small charcoal burners (can't remember the dimensions). I bought a bag of charcoal, a shit ton of alcohol and some codeine based medicine (Here you can buy it over the counter). I then waited for the D-day. I didn't have to wait too long because my life's a mess. I had succeeded in fighting back that survival instinct that makes you pull back at the final moment so I was confident I would successfully CTB.
First, I used duct tape to seal the window and vents. The only possible air inlet at this point was the door, as per my thinking. I then went outside and lit my charcoal burners. I waited until there was no smoke, just red hot flames on the charcoal. I took them inside, locked the door and used duct tape all around the door. I also put wet towels on tge small space between the door and the floor. By this point, the room was getting really hot. I took several spoonfuls of the codeine based medicine and washed it down with the first can of the beer.
I sat upright on the bed(I had heard tales of people choking in vomit which is so unpleasant so this was recommended). I had a laptop playing music in front me because who wants eerie silence in their last moments? I continued taking as much beer as possible hoping it would knock me out and the CO would do the rest. Nice plan, eh?
I have no recollection of what happened in the next 13 hours or so before I woke up with a huge headache. I passed out and woke up around 4 hours later, this time a bit more lucid. (I could see the time thanks to the laptop). This continued for the next 30 hours or so until I was able to get up from the bed. My walking was very unstable and I could not maintain balance. The headache and the nausea were out of this world. I threw up several times until my stomach was completely empty. My physical situation however improved rapidly.
One year later, any long term effects? Very mild but still noticeable. I struggle a bit with finding the right words. A very tiny but noticeable decline in memory and learning new stuff. Also, a loss in hand-eye coordination. The rest is normal stuff associated with depression like zoning out and not feeling "In the moment."
Where could I have gone wrong? I think about this every day. But possible reasons could be:
1) The room had small spaces and therefore leakages that somehow escaped my attention. If you ever want to go with this method, don't leave anything to chance with regard to this. Overlook nothing.
2) Charcoal burners were too small. Again, you'd rather use more than less.
3) The charcoal burned out too fast. Also very possible. Charcoal burns out fast or slow depending on a lot of factors and there's no way of knowing what you're buying at least in my case. For this method you need charcoal that burns slow in order to have a steady release of CO until you CTB.
That is all I can think of. Hope someone finds this helpful. It's been a painful recollection. I also hope nobody ever has to wake up from a failed attempt and face the world again.
