Failed attempts in last week - how to succeed at third?

[RitaM]

Hi

I tried to kill myself by drop hanging but it failed somehow. I fell unconscious and must have clawed the rope off me as I woke up flat on my back.

A few nights later I took an overdose of Amitriptyline but I don't remember anything happening except sleeping a lot. I guess I didn't have enough but it's all I had.

The next night I took the powder out of 28 tramadol capsules and mixed it with juice, drank it and took a small overdose of lithium (I don't want to OD on lithium ideally because it's so nasty but I thought it might speed things along). This time I woke up making uncontrollable jerking movements, seeing flashing lights, couldn't walk, everything blurry etc. This went on for a day or two and I'm now back to normal.

Or maybe I'm dying of liver failure, I'm not sure. Either way, I want this to end.

I've tried suspension hanging but I don't seem to have the knack for it. I lean forward with all my weight on the rope but I don't black out. I feel like I'm starting to black out but it never happens. My understanding is it should be within 15 seconds. I feel like it's impossible to kill myself. Please could somebody help me figure out what I'm doing wrong with the suspension hanging?

 

[Rachel74]

So this will be your 4th attempt in a week?
If you keep failing there is a reason why my friend, the methods you use do not work. Don't rush your next attempt and DO research.

 

[Elias]

I suggest being a tad more careful with your research and informations about your methods. Do not rush. Failing to ctb almost always leads to a worse outcome, this is not the objective is it? You can read a bit about suspension hanging, the rope positioning, etc. You know yourself and your circumstances more than any of us could, so apply that knowledge to your situation and your body. And again, do not rush. You have the bloody rest of your life to figure that thing out.

 

[RitaM]

Three this week, in quick succession. The drop hanging was a couple of weeks ago.

 

[Shamana]

How much amitriptyline did you take?

 

[RitaM]

About 20 pills but I'm not sure what strength, I was quite out of it. I took some Clonazepam and an anti emetic too.

 

[SinisterKid]

You really need to stop before you do yourself some serious damage and leave yourself with severe issues that will be worse than anything going on right now.I say that out of genuine concern, not some pro life stance.

There are a wealth of ways to research a method before deciding it is right for you and so far, 4 failed attempts show that your research is not good or your SI is a lot stronger than you think. It all strikes me as acts of desperation which are well known to end badly. My apologies for sounding harsh, but you really do need to take some time out and look at the options open to you, which are many.

It is virtually impossible for someone here to tell you what you are doing wrong and a tad unfair of you to expect it of anyone.

 

[spanishguy22]

Hi you failed full suspension? That sucks but at least youre fine..

 

[RitaM]

My question wasn't what am I doing wrong - I know what I was doing wrong with the pills methods but I was desperate. My question was, specifically, what am I doing wrong with the suspension hanging? Why is it not making me pass out? I've read several guides and followed them to the letter.

Hi you failed full suspension? That sucks but at least youre fine..

Sort of. I have almost no feeling in the left side of my face, neck and shoulder. My vocal chords are damaged and my tongue is numb.

 

[I screwed up]

I really feel for u brother. But I also admire ur courage .. 4 attempts need a lot of guts .. I pray ur next attempt is successful and u have a peaceful journey ..

 

[ALittleBurden]

I have problems with partial as well, even though I've also done my research. I'm wondering if it's possible that my arteries are too deep in the neck (although my neck itself is pretty skinny). From what I read you can die by either blocking your arteries or jugular veins. The first one results in passing out quickly and dying soon after it, while the second takes bit more time and is actually painful, because you feel horrible pressure in your head as the blood cannot flow out of it. This is exactly what I experience when I try partial hanging and night-night method. I've been close to passing out, as if my arteries were somewhat blocked, but after all the pressure building up was always occurring more quickly, triggering my SI. Only once I found what seemed to be the sweet spot but only when pressing on the neck precisely with my fingers, and I still wasn't passing out as fast as I should.

 

[Lady black]

What did you use to hang yourself?

 

[RitaM]

That's interesting alittleburden, that's what happens to me. Immense pressure in my head and around my eyes. I ended up with a subconjuctival haemorrhage after last time.

I used a rope attached to a handle and thrown over a door, a little bit of padding (a flannel) between my neck and the rope. I'm going to try again with a belt trapped in a locked door, standing and leaning forwards. I practised earlier and could feel myself fading.

 

[Lady black]

Do it just with the rope and full suspension, it will work

 

[RitaM]

I'm going to try this properly tonight unless I fall asleep first. I can't go on any longer.

Do it just with the rope and full suspension, it will work

Yes it probably will, but will be excruciatingly painful. When I did it by kicking a chair I'd never felt pain like it.

 

[Lady black]

So good luck for you

 

[wanttodie]

good luck hope you can get it right this time

 

[ALittleBurden]

Good luck, hopefully you'll have a peaceful rest

 

[Sweet emotion]

If you're planning on going by pills then you need a lot of them. You need pain medication, extended release of possible because once you crush them they will hit you really fast and you'll be asleep. You'll also need a lot of Xanax or Valium. Muscle relaxers are good since they stop the heart. You'll have to pick a day to die so you can take anti nausea medicine two days before it every 6-8 hours. Then crush all the pills in s powder, put it in pudding or yogurt and eat is and just go lay down and get comfortable.

 

[RitaM]

I'm going to hang myself. I don't have any opioids that don't contain paracetamol left. I took a massive opioid overdose last year but woke up after two days. I think it's hard to die from pills.

 

[RitaM]

I keep trying suspended hanging but I can't seem to find the right spot. I get very painful pressure around my head and eyes. Only once did I get a whooshing sensation that felt right but I backed out at the last second. What am I doing wrong?

 

[ron_g]

I tried to kill myself by drop hanging but it failed somehow. I fell unconscious and must have clawed the rope off me as I woke up flat on my back.

May I ask what made you abort the attempt after you woke up, rather than attempting again immediately?

 

[RitaM]

I didn't wake up feeling normal. I was unable to move properly and was barely conscious. I couldn't even dial 999 properly - it took several attempts and even then I couldn't speak. I vaguely remember crawling to my front door to let paramedics in but everything went black after that. Later I found out I also had severe (unintentional) lithium toxicity, so I don't know how much of it was the hanging attempt and how much was that.
Oh, and the sudden drop damaged my vocal chords quite badly. My voice still hasn't recovered.

 

[ron_g]

I didn't wake up feeling normal. I was unable to move properly and was barely conscious. I couldn't even dial 999 properly - it took several attempts and even then I couldn't speak. I vaguely remember crawling to my front door to let paramedics in but everything went black after that. Later I found out I also had severe (unintentional) lithium toxicity, so I don't know how much of it was the hanging attempt and how much was that.
Oh, and the sudden drop damaged my vocal chords quite badly. My voice still hasn't recovered.

I'm sorry about your vocal cord damage.

When you woke up barely conscious, were you still wanting to kill yourself (even if not immediately), or were you entirely focused on saving yourself?
I wonder whether cuffing your hands would have helped.

 

[RitaM]

I honestly just had no idea what was going on. It didn't even register what I'd done, who I was, where I was, just that something was very wrong.

 

[ron_g]

I honestly just had no idea what was going on. It didn't even register what I'd done, who I was, where I was, just that something was very wrong.

I'm planning to put a sheet of paper on the door telling me where I am, that I was trying to ctb and the method and that I should try again. Do you think this would help?

 

[RitaM]

I'm planning to put a sheet of paper on the door telling me where I am, that I was trying to ctb and the method and that I should try again. Do you think this would help?

I don't know. Everyone is different. My feeling is your SI will kick in and you'll be more focused on trying to breathe than read notes. I couldn't have read anything, everything was blurry.

 

[Qbert]

I didn't wake up feeling normal. I was unable to move properly and was barely conscious. I couldn't even dial 999 properly - it took several attempts and even then I couldn't speak. I vaguely remember crawling to my front door to let paramedics in but everything went black after that. Later I found out I also had severe (unintentional) lithium toxicity, so I don't know how much of it was the hanging attempt and how much was that.
Oh, and the sudden drop damaged my vocal chords quite badly. My voice still hasn't recovered.

What did the paramedics do? Take you to the hospital?