Discussion faces

[123die]

do you ever think about the looks on your friends' and family's faces when they hear that you're dead, that you killed yourself? how do they look in your mind? how does that make you feel?
this is legit not me being like 'SUICIDE IS SELFISH IMAGINE HOW YOUR LOVED ONES WILL FEEL!!!!' im asking this because i imagine the looks on my loved ones' faces all the time... and i dont really care anymore. its just... welp, they're gonna feel like that. but ill be dead and wont have to deal with it. and its not like my death is their fault. my death will be the fault of colonialism.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. I imagine all the people who love me reacting to my death and I start to cry... It feels so bad. It kills me. I don't what the fuck to do. I'm staying alive because of them.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I've seen how it goes down when other people kill themselves so I'd imagine it wouldn't be much different. I think it's more selfish of someone to try to force you to live in misery then it is to kill yourself though.

 

[xxsuicidegirlxx]

thats one of the reasons i havent done it yet.

 

[Jean4]

Nope. One person who cared CTB. I can tell you how I looked and still do 15 days later ;)

 

[TowerUpright]

I always flip between both sides. At one point, I'm horrified as to what me CTB'ing would do to my family. And kids.

But, then, I realize that I'd be dead and not know either way. Terribly selfish of me, I know. I'm not wired right.

 

[Intelligent Ape]

The reaction should be the same as if I die from a heart attack, a car accident or others reasons. It's very sad when someone you love died.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

Death is hard. Our hospice has a community grief program. Most of the grief participants did not lose hospice patients, but family unexpectedly. I work with the teens. One boy came home from a basketball game with his dad and little sister. When they opened the garage door, his mom was hanging full suspension from the garage door opener. He refuses to acknowledge it or talk about it. Stuff like that makes it hard for me sometimes. Because everyone just wonders why or blames themselves or whatever. It's not fair to us that need to CTB though. Life is confusing. Death is confusing.

 

[Meant2Die]

Not that exactly, but I do imagine my mom bursting into my room after yelling a bunch of times as to why I haven't gotten up from bed yet, then pulling the covers off to reveal my dead body. I imagine that shocking emotional moment she realizes "this doesn't look right", which , in a nanosecond is quickly followed by" is she dead?" which leads to frantic crying and calling 911 and all that.

I REALLY hate when that scenario pops into my head.. and I was doing so well with not thinking about it till one day I was reading a post about leaving your loved ones behind and somehow that imagine came to me. I was liek FUCK, well now i can't un-see it.

 

[Return2Dust]

Yes. I imagine all the people who love me reacting to my death and I start to cry... It feels so bad. It kills me. I don't what the fuck to do. I'm staying alive because of them.

I'm staying because of family members and I'm starting to resent them. I can't help it. These are people I dearly love, yet I feel annoyed spending time with them... b/c they're the reason I'm still here. It's a freaking loop. I didn't think about their faces when they got the news - until now, reading this. A new level of anxiety.

 

[maybeimalreadydead]

This is a good thread. I just woke up from a ctb dream today actually have them more often lately.. I often picture following through, watch my loved ones find me, i sometimes try to dream how they'd respond, how they'd tell others, who they'd tell first. I have a few different ideas in mind. It used to make me feel much more sad but I feel so numb.