Venting Exploding with desparation - i cant do another day.

[ayololly]

I can't do another day, I am reminded of this every night.
I am sad, hurt and angry in any waking moment. I hate myself and can't think of a single person who wouldn't agree that I'm worthless, useless and too far gone.
I can't escape my mind either way. People can tell me things but it's powerless. My mind is concretely miserable and now it's all I see. Everywhere. So I sleep. All day, all night. Just a fat lazy slob taking up space. Ultimately invisible.
Noone would know if I died but dying is not accessible.
Considering charcoal, have had a few attempts at partial hanging. My SI is strong, which is shit and in some moments I have the thought to just keep going, something will change.
But I'm changing each day, getting worse and worse. I can't do another night and wake up another day.
If I just keep at the hanging method, I'm hoping I'll get more and more able to tolerate the SI. I don't know if my set up perfectly workable but from what I've read there's a chance.
It's been done before.
I cannot face another day, at all.

 

[The anhedonic one]

This existence is hell. All I think of these days is dying. I just sleep, stare into space, or just curl up in a ball and cry.
So sorry you are going through this shit too.
I hope you finally find the peace you deserve.

 

[ayololly]

@The anhedonic one

Same, what the actual fuck?
I would be more okay if it were just me but the pure fact that others exist in the same way i do is a joke. I wouldn't wish this for anyone.
I want to die so bad.
Looking for SN as we speak but it's hard to trust these suppliers and I'm not sure it will be allowed to my doorstep because of *suicide prevention*.
If anyone knows a serial killer - let me know I'm down for it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that you have to suffer so much. I'm with you, I also wish to die asap because everything sucks and nothing's gonna change anyway.

Well, you mentioned char coal already, CO is a quick and almost painless method and easily accessible and no SI reactions, but it comes with risks and needs to be well prepared and others could be injured. Alternative inert gas / Nitrogen with exit bag or SCBA.

 

[The anhedonic one]

@The anhedonic one

Same, what the actual fuck?
I would be more okay if it were just me but the pure fact that others exist in the same way i do is a joke. I wouldn't wish this for anyone.
I want to die so bad.
Looking for SN as we speak but it's hard to trust these suppliers and I'm not sure it will be allowed to my doorstep because of *suicide prevention*.
If anyone knows a serial killer - let me know I'm down for it.

Yes, this existence is a never-ending shitshow of torment.
There are many of us here who feel the same way.
SN never appealed to me, yet I would have loved to have died by N.
I am seriously considering building a guillotine. I don't like the idea of hanging etc.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I am seriously considering building a guillotine. I don't like the idea of hanging etc.

guillotine, is not being discussed here, is it? It could be built with some tools and materials incl. a mechanism to press the button on your own.

 

[HAKMKS]

I feel the same way. Confused about this whole charcoal method.

I can't stand this anymore.

Wish I could find someone who has perfected the charcoal method to ctb with.

 

[ayololly]

I feel the same way. Confused about this whole charcoal method.

I can't stand this anymore.

Wish I could find someone who has perfected the charcoal method to ctb with.

There'd a thread a girl [RIP] started, she completed successfully with the CO method.

Poor thing, I hope she's resting peacefully.

She tried and tested her tents over a few days and ended up where she wanted to be.

Search the CO tag and it might come up.

It seems relatively straight forward once you've prepared properly.

guillotine, is not being discussed here, is it? It could be built with some tools and materials incl. a mechanism to press the button on your own.

Sounds horrific. Just as gross as this existence to be fair.

Ugh, just some peace is all we need.

 

[HAKMKS]

There'd a thread a girl [RIP] started, she completed successfully with the CO method.

Poor thing, I hope she's resting peacefully.

She tried and tested her tents over a few days and ended up where she wanted to be.

Search the CO tag and it might come up.

It seems relatively straight forward once you've prepared properly.


Sounds horrific. Just as gross as this existence to be fair.

Ugh, just some peace is all we need.

Im new and don't know how to search the threads and am very confused about this method.

 

[ayololly]

Yes, this existence is a never-ending shitshow of torment.
There are many of us here who feel the same way.
SN never appealed to me, yet I would have loved to have died by N.
I am seriously considering building a guillotine. I don't like the idea of hanging etc.

N would have been simple.
Hanging is accessible but honestly scares me so much to be thrashing around before death and potentially not even succeeding.
A guillotine sounds just as horrible.
I'm positive there's so many peaceful pharmacological ways out but they'd be kept from people like us because apparently it's not a choice we get.
I've even considered just attempting an OD on illegal opiates but no idea how to source or administer that stuff.
I'm done. So tired.

 

[The anhedonic one]

N would have been simple.
Hanging is accessible but honestly scares me so much to be thrashing around before death and potentially not even succeeding.
A guillotine sounds just as horrible.
I'm positive there's so many peaceful pharmacological ways out but they'd be kept from people like us because apparently it's not a choice we get.
I've even considered just attempting an OD on illegal opiates but no idea how to source or administer that stuff.
I'm done. So tired.

Yes, I have always liked the idea of CTB by illegal opiates.
But I'm not a drug user, and therefore don't know a dealer anyway.
I've heard that fentanyl sounds like a good way to go, and really good heroin, maybe both together.
I like the idea of the guillotine, because it's a guaranteed and rapid death. Well, pretty much anyway.
I just don't like the idea of my head rolling around on the floor as I catch a glimpse of my severed neck spurting out blood.

guillotine, is not being discussed here, is it? It could be built with some tools and materials incl. a mechanism to press the button on your own.

I built one a couple of years ago using a carbon steel machete blade, a couple of 15 pound barbell weights, and some industrial roller bearing tracks.
I wasn't as deep in the abyss as I am now, so therefore chickened out.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable just wanting permanent peace from all the suffering that this existence brings, it's so horrible how it's this difficult to die, it's such a cruel punishment how peaceful and reliable ways to be gone are restricted from us, I wish there was acceptance towards the fact that not everyone wants to stay here and suffer. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[Ontwon]

I feel that, so tired of waking up. I just feel that I only contribute to the problems of life and if i wasnt here then no more suffering. I'm in a terrible headspace and there is no escaping or running from it. I wish us all peace

 

[tweaka2x]

@The anhedonic one

Same, what the actual fuck?
I would be more okay if it were just me but the pure fact that others exist in the same way i do is a joke. I wouldn't wish this for anyone.
I want to die so bad.
Looking for SN as we speak but it's hard to trust these suppliers and I'm not sure it will be allowed to my doorstep because of *suicide prevention*.
If anyone knows a serial killer - let me know I'm down for it.

Lmfaoooo we needa serial killer method