TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,715
I'm sure many of you have heard this before, whether it is online or IRL. I certainly have my fair share of this and in the recent years, I find it more annoying than anything. This is due to the fact that self-deprecation is a way to cope (for some people, myself included) through a mistake or error. For example, if I made a very novice, obvious dumb mistake, I would sometimes self-deprecate and call myself "stupid", "incompetent", "dumb", or exclaim, "I'm an idiot!" This is just my way to reacting and responding to the mistake, especially if I know and feel that it should NOT have happened, but did anyways, I become surprised, shocked, and annoyed. However, the people around me would just counter-interject (counter-ject) what I said and just spread some uplifting usual platitudes, which instead makes me feel more miserable and angry. I get that they just want to be 'helpful' or they must (incorrectly) believe that a compliment, condolence, or platitude would make me feel better, but they are wrong and here is why:
Whenever I make a mistake or something unexpected (that should NOT have happened) happens, I am first taken by surprise, stunned, then annoyed and feel miserable since it can be embarrassing or humiliating. Then when I react to it, I'm not saying that I'm literally a 'faillure' or that I am 'dumb' (or of low intelligence), but rather referring and attacking the mistake at hand and my own incompetence in that situation. So two things happen when someone counter-jects me by throwing uplifting platitudes and or gibberish nonsense is that it invalidates my feeling that I done wrong and it is a bit insincere such that they are trying to bring me up when I (at the time) would rather wallow in self-deprecation.
Here are some threads that explain this a bit more:
Motivational crap is evil (if it is based on false premises)
Uplifting, patronizing platitude pushers are no better than bullies
People who give platitudes or general uplifting (empty) words
Of course, some critics will claim that I would lose a lot of people who would otherwise have been 'friends' with me, that my social standing would suffer, and that I would fail with that attitude, but I disagree. I believe that if those 'people' (the platitude pushers and uplifters) are doing it, they do have a hidden agenda which is to make themselves feel 'better' by having someone they perceive as underneath and wanting to treat as a 'project' rather than accepting my own blunder as my own blunder. I get that excessive self-pity isn't going to get anywhere and that is true, but a momentary self-deprecation could be a good coping mechanism against an unexpected blunder.
Whenever I make a mistake or something unexpected (that should NOT have happened) happens, I am first taken by surprise, stunned, then annoyed and feel miserable since it can be embarrassing or humiliating. Then when I react to it, I'm not saying that I'm literally a 'faillure' or that I am 'dumb' (or of low intelligence), but rather referring and attacking the mistake at hand and my own incompetence in that situation. So two things happen when someone counter-jects me by throwing uplifting platitudes and or gibberish nonsense is that it invalidates my feeling that I done wrong and it is a bit insincere such that they are trying to bring me up when I (at the time) would rather wallow in self-deprecation.
Here are some threads that explain this a bit more:
Motivational crap is evil (if it is based on false premises)
Uplifting, patronizing platitude pushers are no better than bullies
People who give platitudes or general uplifting (empty) words
Of course, some critics will claim that I would lose a lot of people who would otherwise have been 'friends' with me, that my social standing would suffer, and that I would fail with that attitude, but I disagree. I believe that if those 'people' (the platitude pushers and uplifters) are doing it, they do have a hidden agenda which is to make themselves feel 'better' by having someone they perceive as underneath and wanting to treat as a 'project' rather than accepting my own blunder as my own blunder. I get that excessive self-pity isn't going to get anywhere and that is true, but a momentary self-deprecation could be a good coping mechanism against an unexpected blunder.