Hello hello,
Finally came to making the thread I signed up to the forums for. It's, obviously?, a weird as fuck topic for me to make a thread about, killing myself and all, so bear with me because my mind might be all over the place. The first paragraphs might be a bit long, but we got got time, mirite? I'dd like to sketch the situation so u know where I'm coming from.
I've opted for the exit bag method, because it seems so peacefull if done right. I won't have to violently mutilate myself, nor have to wait too long for regrets on what I have done might set in. The losing conciousness after a couple of breaths thing sounds like my stick. Especially cuz I'm "a doubter", I've always second guessed every descision I ever made, and I fear it will be no different on this one.
Going off a small tangent here:
I believe there's a "greater power" to this reality. U could call it God, Nature, Allah, Karma or whatever. There's a spiritual aspect to our reality, a balance of sorts, and I strongly believe that when our lives end here, there will be acountability. Doesn't have to be strict Heaven and/or Hell, it could very well be me reincarnating as a cockroach with faint memories of a previous life.
There's 2 points I'm trying to bring home with this, though the second of more importance when comitting the actual act:
1) The act of suicide is not a positive one. Regardless who or what made the Universe, taking your own life is sort of giving the middle finger to that more spiritual aspect of reality. "I don't want it", despite it being given for free. So I fear condemnation in the afterlife, and probably will the moment I close my eyes for the last time aswell (But i'm still making peace with that as we speak).
2) There are "spiritual forces" which have some impact on our physical reality. Essentially: if it's not your time yet, it's not your time. I'm very well aware of the effectiveness % of certain methods, yet at the same time, over the years I've seen (on the interwebs) people survive blowing their own brains out with a shotgun, getting hit by a train, jumping from a 40+ story building and so on. So my fear is that it might not yet be my time, and by some miracle I'dd end up surviving whatever thing I'dd do to my body, burdened even further by whatever damage I might cause. (Brain damage in particular, though I'm a bit vein when it comes to my appearance aswell)
So with that I'm mind, I've opted for the Exit bag method because in terms of "the Universe intervening", there's very little that can go wrong. I've googled several succesfull cases of the Exit Bag method and read up on the majority of literature on the subject. But with what I said in the previous paragraph: people survived death in the most unlikely ways and vice versa some people stub their toe, have a heart attack and die...
Constructing the actual bag itself proves difficult. I've managed to craft a bag of sorts, I managed to get an elastic cord wrapped around the bottom with tape, but it doesn't feel very secure to me. I've read a reply in the main exit bag thread that went: "It's not that difficult people", which gives me a chuckle, because it kinda is.
I've put myself in chair and pulled the bag over my head (not filled with Nitrogen yet) and I find so many things giving me stress. For starters the bag itself. Pulling that thing over my head is intense (while roleplaying the act) and makes my heart beat. Concidering I not only have to pull it all the way down to my troat, but also make sure it's secured, but not too thightly! or I'll gag from the CO2 build up, but I also have to watch my position in my chair, aswell as the tubes running towards my tank of N2, so that my arms don't flail them loose, it really does not feel "It's not that difficult people". On top of that, there's the twitching at a later stage that might occur which could knock loose either the bag or the tubes, no doubt leaving me with brain damage.
So I'm currently concidering using a small camping tent, putting a 'plastic bag' inside of it and inflating the whole thing with Nitrogen untill it fills the tent (at which point I would secure the plastic to the tent from the outside using tape and whatnot. The picture I linked of the plastic bag is not exactly what I've got, but it gives an idea. Mine is made from thick plastic, is a bit bigger and see-through. I'll post pictures the coming days/weeks of my set-up once it's actully set up lol.
Side information: these bags are used on local farms to store rotten fruits after the picking season is over. By law, for certain fruits (cherries in this case) it's mandatory to story them in these massive bags to control the spread of insects. Also the local auctionhouses which sell the fruits have massive fridges where they store them, and they're filled with Nitrogen. Every 2 or 3 years, some young kid dies because he ran into an open fridge filled with Nitrogen. So in theory, if all else fails, I could always try this myself, although they got security cameras and personal to prevent this very thing nowadays. There's also a monetary fee for my family if I die this way, so it's not preferable. Death by fruits lol.
I got a 10 liter Nitrogen tank, which should give me about 7,000 liters of Nitrogen gas if I'm not mistaken. I'dd love some feedback on this, if this number is somewhat correct or not. (700 liters for every liter of Nitrogen at 200 bar at room temperature) I can always get more, but it should be enough. The tent is 2 meters by 1.80 and about 1 meter high. So that should be about 4,000 liters, again if i'm not mistaken. It's probably less, somewhere between 2,000 and 4,000 liters. I'll do the actual math later when I'm setting the thing up, but seems close enough.
I'll fill the plastic bag untill it fills the tent using a small hole (in the bag and tent, through the bottom) through which I'll run the tube. It should be atmospheric pressure if I'm not mistaken. So similar to those fridges for fruit storage at the warehouses, I could fill up this bag when it's closed inside the tent, then make sure the plastic is attached to the frame of the tent (so it doesn't collapse, cuz I don't want higher pressure inside), and then just open one end without the Nitrogen escaping? Nitrogen gas is 3% lighter than air, so it should stay stationairy inside the open bag, right? (So just imagine an "open tent", as in the picture, with the plastic bag having just as massive an opening, maybe a bit smaller)
I would then turn on the Nitrogen again at the recommended 15 l/min, crawl inside the tent while holding my breath, and position myself lying flat on the ground (I'll prolly put in a matrass beforehand). No amount of twitching should break anything, because there's no tubes hanging lose or nothing to break loose (as I'll have the tube running at the bottom/backside). The flow of fresh Nitrogen should be enough to offset any CO2, given the volume of the tent?
It seems alot more practical and peacefull to me than putting the bag over my head hoping every is secured enough, but I'm obviously looking for input. I'll post picture the coming days of this set up. Needless to say, it's kinda difficult to do a "test-run" due to sheer volume of Nitrogen required. Money is kinda dry, as i've spend my last on acquiring all this stuff.
Much thanks for your time, would love to hear some input. Things I got right, things I got wrong. People with similar experience, etc.
That's actually a thought that made me chuckle a handfull of times the past weeks. People succesfull at CTB don't live to tell their stories. Funny, sad and true.
Finally came to making the thread I signed up to the forums for. It's, obviously?, a weird as fuck topic for me to make a thread about, killing myself and all, so bear with me because my mind might be all over the place. The first paragraphs might be a bit long, but we got got time, mirite? I'dd like to sketch the situation so u know where I'm coming from.
I've opted for the exit bag method, because it seems so peacefull if done right. I won't have to violently mutilate myself, nor have to wait too long for regrets on what I have done might set in. The losing conciousness after a couple of breaths thing sounds like my stick. Especially cuz I'm "a doubter", I've always second guessed every descision I ever made, and I fear it will be no different on this one.
Going off a small tangent here:
I believe there's a "greater power" to this reality. U could call it God, Nature, Allah, Karma or whatever. There's a spiritual aspect to our reality, a balance of sorts, and I strongly believe that when our lives end here, there will be acountability. Doesn't have to be strict Heaven and/or Hell, it could very well be me reincarnating as a cockroach with faint memories of a previous life.
There's 2 points I'm trying to bring home with this, though the second of more importance when comitting the actual act:
1) The act of suicide is not a positive one. Regardless who or what made the Universe, taking your own life is sort of giving the middle finger to that more spiritual aspect of reality. "I don't want it", despite it being given for free. So I fear condemnation in the afterlife, and probably will the moment I close my eyes for the last time aswell (But i'm still making peace with that as we speak).
2) There are "spiritual forces" which have some impact on our physical reality. Essentially: if it's not your time yet, it's not your time. I'm very well aware of the effectiveness % of certain methods, yet at the same time, over the years I've seen (on the interwebs) people survive blowing their own brains out with a shotgun, getting hit by a train, jumping from a 40+ story building and so on. So my fear is that it might not yet be my time, and by some miracle I'dd end up surviving whatever thing I'dd do to my body, burdened even further by whatever damage I might cause. (Brain damage in particular, though I'm a bit vein when it comes to my appearance aswell)
So with that I'm mind, I've opted for the Exit bag method because in terms of "the Universe intervening", there's very little that can go wrong. I've googled several succesfull cases of the Exit Bag method and read up on the majority of literature on the subject. But with what I said in the previous paragraph: people survived death in the most unlikely ways and vice versa some people stub their toe, have a heart attack and die...
Constructing the actual bag itself proves difficult. I've managed to craft a bag of sorts, I managed to get an elastic cord wrapped around the bottom with tape, but it doesn't feel very secure to me. I've read a reply in the main exit bag thread that went: "It's not that difficult people", which gives me a chuckle, because it kinda is.
I've put myself in chair and pulled the bag over my head (not filled with Nitrogen yet) and I find so many things giving me stress. For starters the bag itself. Pulling that thing over my head is intense (while roleplaying the act) and makes my heart beat. Concidering I not only have to pull it all the way down to my troat, but also make sure it's secured, but not too thightly! or I'll gag from the CO2 build up, but I also have to watch my position in my chair, aswell as the tubes running towards my tank of N2, so that my arms don't flail them loose, it really does not feel "It's not that difficult people". On top of that, there's the twitching at a later stage that might occur which could knock loose either the bag or the tubes, no doubt leaving me with brain damage.
So I'm currently concidering using a small camping tent, putting a 'plastic bag' inside of it and inflating the whole thing with Nitrogen untill it fills the tent (at which point I would secure the plastic to the tent from the outside using tape and whatnot. The picture I linked of the plastic bag is not exactly what I've got, but it gives an idea. Mine is made from thick plastic, is a bit bigger and see-through. I'll post pictures the coming days/weeks of my set-up once it's actully set up lol.
Side information: these bags are used on local farms to store rotten fruits after the picking season is over. By law, for certain fruits (cherries in this case) it's mandatory to story them in these massive bags to control the spread of insects. Also the local auctionhouses which sell the fruits have massive fridges where they store them, and they're filled with Nitrogen. Every 2 or 3 years, some young kid dies because he ran into an open fridge filled with Nitrogen. So in theory, if all else fails, I could always try this myself, although they got security cameras and personal to prevent this very thing nowadays. There's also a monetary fee for my family if I die this way, so it's not preferable. Death by fruits lol.
I got a 10 liter Nitrogen tank, which should give me about 7,000 liters of Nitrogen gas if I'm not mistaken. I'dd love some feedback on this, if this number is somewhat correct or not. (700 liters for every liter of Nitrogen at 200 bar at room temperature) I can always get more, but it should be enough. The tent is 2 meters by 1.80 and about 1 meter high. So that should be about 4,000 liters, again if i'm not mistaken. It's probably less, somewhere between 2,000 and 4,000 liters. I'll do the actual math later when I'm setting the thing up, but seems close enough.
I'll fill the plastic bag untill it fills the tent using a small hole (in the bag and tent, through the bottom) through which I'll run the tube. It should be atmospheric pressure if I'm not mistaken. So similar to those fridges for fruit storage at the warehouses, I could fill up this bag when it's closed inside the tent, then make sure the plastic is attached to the frame of the tent (so it doesn't collapse, cuz I don't want higher pressure inside), and then just open one end without the Nitrogen escaping? Nitrogen gas is 3% lighter than air, so it should stay stationairy inside the open bag, right? (So just imagine an "open tent", as in the picture, with the plastic bag having just as massive an opening, maybe a bit smaller)
I would then turn on the Nitrogen again at the recommended 15 l/min, crawl inside the tent while holding my breath, and position myself lying flat on the ground (I'll prolly put in a matrass beforehand). No amount of twitching should break anything, because there's no tubes hanging lose or nothing to break loose (as I'll have the tube running at the bottom/backside). The flow of fresh Nitrogen should be enough to offset any CO2, given the volume of the tent?
It seems alot more practical and peacefull to me than putting the bag over my head hoping every is secured enough, but I'm obviously looking for input. I'll post picture the coming days of this set up. Needless to say, it's kinda difficult to do a "test-run" due to sheer volume of Nitrogen required. Money is kinda dry, as i've spend my last on acquiring all this stuff.
Much thanks for your time, would love to hear some input. Things I got right, things I got wrong. People with similar experience, etc.
That's actually a thought that made me chuckle a handfull of times the past weeks. People succesfull at CTB don't live to tell their stories. Funny, sad and true.
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