Darkmoon Queen
Specialist
- Apr 1, 2020
- 396
I'm undiagnosed but at this point, I strongly suspect that I fall somewhere on the spectrum. Too much to go into but so much fits that I can't entirely attribute to bullying and child abuse. It's as though I just don't.. UNDERSTAND things. I have an above average IQ but so much of life goes right over my fucking head. That and weird fixations with patterns and sequences and the rest.
I don't know any advantage to me personally to get this confirmed. It can't be 'cured' (and I'm not sure I'd want a cure because it would mean not being me anymore) and frankly, I wouldn't want it to be common knowledge. If people know you're neurodiverse, they start treating you like nothing you say or think has merit, as if you're an attention seeker or just a fucking idiot. They already do that to me, I think I'd go mad completely if I actually handed them a 'reason'.
I suppose I might get peace of mind from knowing that most things that bother me weren't my fault and I'm not just some repellent weirdo. But what then? I'm sick of therapists who are bad enough to be struck off and I don't want to be hemmed into any 'control your phrasing even if the message is completely fine' shit. Frankly if people want to be bastards, they will, and no "I/we" statement is going to alter that.
I just... where do I even go from a diagnosis?
I don't know any advantage to me personally to get this confirmed. It can't be 'cured' (and I'm not sure I'd want a cure because it would mean not being me anymore) and frankly, I wouldn't want it to be common knowledge. If people know you're neurodiverse, they start treating you like nothing you say or think has merit, as if you're an attention seeker or just a fucking idiot. They already do that to me, I think I'd go mad completely if I actually handed them a 'reason'.
I suppose I might get peace of mind from knowing that most things that bother me weren't my fault and I'm not just some repellent weirdo. But what then? I'm sick of therapists who are bad enough to be struck off and I don't want to be hemmed into any 'control your phrasing even if the message is completely fine' shit. Frankly if people want to be bastards, they will, and no "I/we" statement is going to alter that.
I just... where do I even go from a diagnosis?