Hey, just opening this to vent a bit.
I've had anxiety for few years now and i'm only 21 but it's been crushing me a lot this past three years and i'm just very exhausted.
I've had suicidal thoughts especially over the past year but nothing too serious, this summer i had to move out because i decided it to a new town for my studies but really it was the worst decision. I guess suicidal thoughts just became worse from there, as i felt trapped because i left my life from before and highly regret it and still do as it was the only place i was feeling kinda ok and really just didn't want to do it in reality but felt i had to for some reason. But yeah now i see it was a mistake but can't do anything anymore about it because i'm feeling too miserable and trapped.
As classes in my old uni began three weeks ago i still had a chance to come back until today but couldn't because my anxiety was too high anyway and it was, today was the last day i could've saved anything but didn't. It's just now everything about life makes me feel miserable and all seems pointless.
I guess really sometimes it's just time for me to go asap as i don't see any good future for me and everything is kinda getting worse and worse and a 24/7 pain. I'm seeing a therapist but it's not really working and only have a couple of free sessions left before it ends so i don't have any hope about it anymore either.
Tried to partly hanging myself this week but couldn't go through it because i was too scared of death yet, maybe i was still hoping i would find a way out, but now i can confidently say they are no way out (even tho i still hope it maybe but not really now) and even if it's all my fault, i can't reach it anyway. I guess i'm also scared still to inflige pain to my family even tho i feel very distached from them to be honest.
But knowing suicide is a possibility is actually kind of a relief, just at least i have this way out after years of feeling miserable. I actually might do it soon if things don't get better, just at least i have that, like really i've been getting hope things would go better but everytime it goes worse and don't see why it would change, most people don't care anyway, or don't wanna see the intense of suffering and when they do have nothing to do to help.
I've had anxiety for few years now and i'm only 21 but it's been crushing me a lot this past three years and i'm just very exhausted.
I've had suicidal thoughts especially over the past year but nothing too serious, this summer i had to move out because i decided it to a new town for my studies but really it was the worst decision. I guess suicidal thoughts just became worse from there, as i felt trapped because i left my life from before and highly regret it and still do as it was the only place i was feeling kinda ok and really just didn't want to do it in reality but felt i had to for some reason. But yeah now i see it was a mistake but can't do anything anymore about it because i'm feeling too miserable and trapped.
As classes in my old uni began three weeks ago i still had a chance to come back until today but couldn't because my anxiety was too high anyway and it was, today was the last day i could've saved anything but didn't. It's just now everything about life makes me feel miserable and all seems pointless.
I guess really sometimes it's just time for me to go asap as i don't see any good future for me and everything is kinda getting worse and worse and a 24/7 pain. I'm seeing a therapist but it's not really working and only have a couple of free sessions left before it ends so i don't have any hope about it anymore either.
Tried to partly hanging myself this week but couldn't go through it because i was too scared of death yet, maybe i was still hoping i would find a way out, but now i can confidently say they are no way out (even tho i still hope it maybe but not really now) and even if it's all my fault, i can't reach it anyway. I guess i'm also scared still to inflige pain to my family even tho i feel very distached from them to be honest.
But knowing suicide is a possibility is actually kind of a relief, just at least i have this way out after years of feeling miserable. I actually might do it soon if things don't get better, just at least i have that, like really i've been getting hope things would go better but everytime it goes worse and don't see why it would change, most people don't care anyway, or don't wanna see the intense of suffering and when they do have nothing to do to help.
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