Venting everytime I spend time with "normal people" I realize my existence is a mistake.

[glitterypearls]

I'm not sure if I believe in god or not, but whoever created me made a major mistake, that's what I always feel like whenever I spend time with people who relatively have good life and never really experienced depression in a way that made them suicidal. It feels painfully obvious that I was a mistake.

I have to constantly mask so I don't make anyone uncomfortable, It feels incredibly lonely to be around those people, they will never understand what I'm dealing with, It feels cruel that a person should exist with so much trauma and pain, I only opened up to one "normal person" who claimed to be depressed and all they told me is to be happy and to stop being suicidal because and I quote "that's selfish"

It's not fair that those people got to have relatively good life while a lot of us get to experience a shit life where we are in constant pain, I didn't choose this life, I tried my best to improve it, I went to therapy, I truly tried my best but If I tell any of them about my true feelings, they will call me weak, coward and selfish. while I know well enough that they wouldn't survive a week with my trauma.

everytime I try to change my mindset by going out with those people, I end up coming home and crying. realizing I'm a mistake and it will never get better. either you are born in a good family that give you a good life or you are born in a shit family that gives you tons of trauma to deal with from a young age, they robbed of my childhood, teen years and adulthood, but it supposed to get better right? it just a rough patch right? you can just move out as an adult and live your best life right? no it would still haunt you because PTSD is so painful to deal with, sometimes people fuck you up for good and no matter what you do, it will never get better.

 

[bobosanogo]

by going out with those people

I don't want to sound like another one of these people that you've just described, but it sounds like maybe they're the wrong crowd for you. Those kinds of dismissive people who're too fair-weather and only want you to bring them good vibes. It's unfair to you and unhelpful. I hope you find some more empathetic people to talk to, both on here and outside. I'm sorry for all the pain and trauma you've had to go through, and I can only try to begin to imagine what it must feel like in your situation.

 

[FuneralCry]

The unfortunate reality is that there could never be anything fair about existing in such a cruel world where so many suffer all through no fault of their own. Those people really do sound so insensitive, at least to me it could never be worth it opening up to people like that.

 

[TheBroken]

Completely relate ......

 

[Buddha.chris]

Being around others makes me feel awkward and uneasy I knew from the very beginning I don't "fit in" this world only knows how to isolate the ones who are suffering and treats them and less then human elevating the more skillful .the pain and depression ones goes through day in and day out is mocked in society as being "to weak" and not "strong enough " this society is the most cruel society ever .

 

[trist]

i can relate a lot. i'm so sorry you have to suffer.

 

[MissionSucksAssFul]

ye, dem NPCs do be gettin stoopider an stoopider...

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I have to constantly mask so I don't make anyone uncomfortable

Is that figurative or literal? If literal, I say that having to do that has the cost of making YOU uncomfortable..............with yourself. I say F them if they can't deal with you as you are. Put yourself out there and make them get to know the inner you. If they can't, or won't, find others who will.

 

[SilentSadness]

Life really is a tragedy, and other people are one of the main reasons. Your experiences are the same as mine and other people don't hesitate to betray others, sadly it's all the more reason to be alone. I wish ctb wasn't so difficult, it's such a pain to have to exist like this with no end in sight. I hope you find peace, I don't think I will.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

The Universe definitely glitched out when I was came into being.