Everything feels so fucking empty

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I went out with my friends to a concert. It was "fun" I guess, lots of singing and dancing. But it all is punctuated by such an intense feeling of emptiness that I want to be alone instead, and curl up into a ball and disappear.

I used to think it was because I didn't have romantic love in my life. I feel like a loser because I've never had a girlfriend. But then I started dating, I got a girlfriend, and the feeling is still the same. I'm not together with her anymore, which is good because I just end up dragging down anyone too close to me.

Everyone around me is smiling and laughing, and I am too. But it's all so painfully empty. The music is coming from another world. I told a joke and made everyone laugh. But they're laughing at a joke told by someone else. I don't even exist in the same universe as other people, I'm like a ghost floating through the world, unable to make any meaningful difference anywhere.

I want to not bear this burden anymore. Please God, have mercy and let me die in my sleep tonight.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to fall asleep permanently to escape from all the suffering, I hope you find peace.

 

[James Sunderland]

That's terrible for you to feel this way; it sounds like you're struggling with this deep sense of emptiness, even when you are surrounded by people or doing things you're "supposed" to enjoy. What you describe is disconnection, like you're there, but not really there, and that can be an incredibly heavy thing to bear. I hear you, and know that you are never alone, even when people around you appear to be operating on different wavelengths.

There are times when we feel, as it were, being around other people makes us ask ourselves why we're not feeling the joy that other people feel. Well, it is not because you are a loser, or that you don't deserve connection. This is more like there is a fog that keeps connection and joy at bay no matter how hard you reach towards them.

I want you to know that your existence does actually matter, even if it doesn't feel like that at this point in time. You're not a burden to anyone; the fact that you can make others laugh, even when you feel this way, shows how much you still give to the world around you. I won't be able to tell you that I have a quick fix for what you're feeling, but I do know that there are people who actually want to help you carry this burden and explore what might ease that emptiness a little. But just letting someone know where you're at can make it feel a little less like you're floating alone in another world. Should you ever want to talk more about this, I'll listen.