Well said, I'm really doing bad with my chronic injury. On any given day it can go from kind of manageable to incredibly debilitating. Treatment is expensive, and I'm pretty limited by location for treatment. Mostly because almost nobody knows how to treat RSI. While it is possible to recover, it is with no exaggeration one of the hardest chronic conditions to treat on Earth. I spend every waking day thinking about my posture (can't use my phone in bed, having to be dynamic enough not to fuck up your thoracic spine, etc), my diet of almost no carbs, no sugar, and no fun, stretches that I have to do every waking hour with enough precision to not set myself back, etc. And with me being on the spectrum, my future doesn't look bright in the first place.
I'm tired of having bouts of intense sadness. They go away yes, but they always come back hurting even more than before.
It frustrates me beyond end that we don't have access to an easy method to end all this. First autism then, chronic debilitating pain, I am so goddamn tired of my youth being consumed. It's my life, why do I have to be forced to suffer. It's beyond unfair that "normal" people decide that life is roses and daisies for everyone.
Wanting an end to all of this isn't inherently a sign of mental illness. Given the circumstances it can be one of the most rational things you can do.